Other half embarrassing in drink Post Reply

[ladygodiva]

I love my husband dearly and he is usually the life and soul of the party, however he regularly has one too many and needs to be put into a cab. I have always laughed this off and felt that it was part and parcel of his big personality.

Now that talk of lockdown coming to an end is on everyone's lips I find myself getting stressed and have realised that actually I don't like his behaviour very much at all. In truth I find it embarrassing and wish that like most men of his age, he is late 40's he had grown out of this sort of behaviour. I don't see many of my friends partners being poured into a cab on a near weekly basis.

I would like to speak to him about it and maybe ask him to get some help but not sure how to get the conversation going. If this is something that anyone on this site has been through I would love to hear how you managed to get it resolved.

Stay well everyone.

[rubyonrails]

So sorry that you are getting stressed. I do have something to contribute but please don't be offended.
We have a woman in our social circle rather than a male who sounds very similar. She also gets a bit offensive and then seems to forget what she's said.

If I am being honest I think that everyone in our group is a bit embarrassed by her behaviour and it has come up more than once. The mums are concerned the dads make a joke.

I guess what I am trying to say is that if you feel embarrassed maybe others do too and you will be doing him a favour to address it before it is too late. He does sound as though he needs some help. Best of luck with it all.

[manntree]

Hello, he needs to speak to a psychotherapist experienced with potentially addictive issues who can subtlety ease him out of his excessive behaviour into a bit more mindful ways of being , growing up is often about when to get off the hedonistic funbus , when to rein things in a little, when to exchange one form of enjoyment for others that might be more appropriate. Doesn’t mean you have to become a bore overnight, just easing out of one thing into another . This is what I do professionally , James 07713168831

[NoodleFan]

So sorry - the last thing anyone needs at the moment is more stress.

What has he been like in lockdown? Is he drinking excessively at home or could it be that he needs the drink when he’s in company as he’s not as confident as he likes to portray?
Clearly if he is drinking like that at home it is more worrying.

The behaviour you’ve described does sound very similar to that of a very good friend of mine, who is now in AA.

Best of luck.

[Emma79]

My husband has always drink a lot and liked one too many too. From what I’ve deduced it partly comes from childhood - wanting to be loved/going to boarding school too early. If you talk to him and gently ask him if he likes his behaviour/thinks it’s ok/what others think of him/how it makes you feel might help to stimulate him to want to minimise it.in short wanting to change has to come fro m him. Best of luck.

[ladygodiva]

Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts.

On the drinking through lockdown I think that drinks per hour, sorry couldn't work out how to say it any other way, he drinks about the same. BUT he either falls asleep on the sofa or takes himself off to bed much earlier so to be honest I haven't had to deal with any awful situations.

He didn't go to boarding school but he does have a very successful sibling and although he has a great job and has done well for himself etc. I do think he may possibly feel like the 'poor relation'.

I would love to have him speak to someone just don't know how open he would be. I think that I will try. Thanks James for the explanation, I will start with this.

[eibskee]

I’m sorry to hear about your stress.  In case it’s helpful - I’m reading a book called The Alcohol Experiment by Annie Grace at the moment.  You can actually just go to www.thealcoholexperiment.com and get free access to the whole book online.  It’s a science backed good read - a friend recommended it to me.  I’m interested in the reasoning behind why and how much we drink.  I’m almost finished reading it and I am finding it thought provoking.  Perhaps if you drink - you could read it, and approach it from your own wellbeing and hope it interests him, or he gets curious - or you could recommend it to him after as a good read, and it could help introduce the conversation.  It doesn’t take long to get through. Good luck.