Postby Elfy » Mon May 15, 2023 10:29 am
I'm sorry you've been having such a tough time with getting your brother to share the load. I know how difficult it can be to juggle work, life and caring. I have had a similar situation with my brother and sharing the care for my Mom who was recently diagnosed with dementia. I had to have a difficult conversation with him. I found it helpful to prepare for that conversation with some talking points so that I wouldn't forget to say any important points in the moment. Here is an example of the kind of talking points you might find helpful: Here are some talking points you could use when discussing the situation with your brother: 1. Acknowledge his busy schedule: Start the conversation by acknowledging that you know he's busy with work and his own family, but that you also have a lot going on. Let him know that you appreciate any time he could give to helping with your parents. 2. Talk about the importance of sharing the load: Explain that you're feeling overwhelmed and that you can't continue to take on all of the responsibilities of caring for your parents alone. Let him know that it's important for both of you to be involved so that you can share the load and make sure that your parents are getting the best care possible. 3. Highlight the fact that he lives closer to your parents: Mention that he lives closer to your parents and that it would be a big help if he could take on some of the physical tasks, like grocery shopping or driving them to appointments. 4. Discuss important decisions: Bring up the fact that there are important decisions that need to be made, like power of attorney and plans for if your parents' health deteriorates. Let him know that you don't want to make those decisions alone and that you would really value his input and support. 5. Suggest making a plan: Propose the idea of sitting down together and making a list of all the tasks that need to be done, and then dividing them up between you. This will help ensure that both of you are involved and that nothing falls through the cracks. Also, suggest that when it comes to the bigger decisions, you can discuss them together and come up with a plan that you both agree on.
6. Who else could help?: Suggest you think through together who else might be able to help with the care of your parents. Do your parents have any friends that live near them who could drop in to see them once a week? It's also worth looking into services such as AgeUK and others that provide companionship for elderly people living on their own. 6. Emphasize that you're in this together: Let him know that you understand that this is a difficult time, but that you're in it together and you need each other's support. Remind him that you're both their children and that you need to work together to ensure that your parents are taken care of properly. 7. End the conversation on a positive note: Thank your brother for his time and for being willing to work with you. Remind him that you're always there to support him as well.
At least you will know where you stand with your brother at the end of this conversation.
Know this - you are not alone! There are many of us who like you are trying to do the right thing and are finding it very hard to juggle caregiving with work and our own families.
Please do feel free to reach out to me if you would like to discuss ways of managing the cognitive load you are experiencing.
Last edited by Elfy
on Mon May 15, 2023 11:33 am, edited 1 time in total.