I'm glad that you found the advice on here helpful, as I found much of it so sensitive and wise did when I read it just now.
It sounds counter-intuitive but giving her more control of the household finances might mean she doesn't spend so much. Like you, we have a joint account but my husband's earnings go directly into this account and I manage it and all the household finances. So this means I know exactly what we've got at any time and if we ever went into the red. My husband wouldn't even know how to log in to our account and he's far more spendy than I am. When I show him the statements he's surprised at how it adds up. It's more complicated than this of course but that's what works for us.
Another thing, I believe that many of us (in the bubble) go around like we are going to last forever - bringing in the big money, spending it, being healthy but we don't think ahead. You don't mention your age but if you are like my husband who wants to retire in his early to middle sixties that's only 15-20 years away. It can seem so far in the future, but it isn't as I'm constantly surprised at how fast time passes (like just today in a small way when someone on the radio said that Carrie Fisher died 2 years ago when I felt it was only about 6 months ago).
Personally I found it very hard and took years to re-calibrate myself after having kids from having a high powered career equal to my husbands. I find volunteering half a day a week very worthwhile for my self-worth. But I worked that out for myself. If my husband had suggested it I've probably have decked him
!
Best of luck as you sound like a really top chap.