Traditional Christmas is causing issues with girlfriend Post Reply

[muddyboots]

Sometimes traditions need to be broken, your girlfriend is the one sane one it seems ….
Had you said the tradition was for the women to cook and men to wash up and then a joint walk or maybe women walk or whatever

I get traditions matter, but you seem to be stuck in a different century.

Your girlfriend maybe shouldn’t come if she not comfortable and I don’t blame her.

You are the next generation so you can work on creating new traditions.

[XmasDinner]

OP here, thanks for all the replies.

I’m leaning towards supporting my girlfriend and staying to help with cooking and cleaning up.

If she decides she wants to go for a walk or do something else, I’ll back her on that too—but honestly, I don’t think she’s too keen on the walk either.

Maybe we’ll even go for our own little outing instead.

Either way, I think it’s time to break with tradition.

Easier said than done, of course, but I’ll keep you all updated on how it goes.

[When in Rome]

I would have thought, when invited to someone else’s home one went along with their customs? Christmas is especially not the time for a guest to question how someone else’s family behaves. Roll forward 60 years, if the girlfriend is still around, doubtless your own grandchildren’s friends will be questioning why your family behave as they do.
If she feels the experience would be so dreadful, for her, I suggest she graciously declines the invitation.

[NVG]

Well done OP for biting the bullet. It might be a tradition but it’s a ridiculous one and if they want to see you and your partner at Xmas going forward it’s time to start a new tradition. I’m with your partner on this one. But it’s up to you to speak up and up to you to say you think it’s not fair.

[SimplyMagic]

I have to say I am surprised by all the « it’s tradition, let it go » answers.
If it was all the black people of the family staying behind to clean and the white people going to the pub would your answer be the same?
Why is it different when it is misogyny and not racism?

[XmasDinner]

"If it were all the Black family members staying behind to clean while the white family members went to the pub, would your response still be the same?"

I must admit, I was a bit taken aback to see tradition being used as a justification for this.

That said, thank you to everyone for your input—I now have a solution.

[XmasDinner]

Just want to close this off thank you for all your advice I've spoken to my girlfriend and we're all on the same page and we'll do our own thing but in a quiet non confortational way.

Thanks again for everyones input.

[Scientist]

I agree with some other respondents who suggested that the young offer to do the 'drudge' work and let the senior members of the family decide what they wish to do - but that there is no gender bias in the arrangement. I think it might be a welcome gesture for the young to let the 'olds' have a rest for a change, given that (presumably) they are paying for the food and providing the venue etc. 

Btw, excuse my pedantry, but if you want to be "traditional" in a British sense, you should spell labour correctly. 

[piper_halliwell]

Oh gosh!!! Cooking, washing up… Maybe some folk need to get into the 21st century and get a slow cooker (or three, depending on how many people will be eating), or do some quick vegetable roasting/steaming, get a ready made turkey from somewhere and just let the ladies enjoy the holiday for once. Oh and invest in a dishwasher (or two) for crying out loud! Oh, that tradition sucks by the way! Remember that other tradition of having slaves?!? It’s illegal now… just saying

[Countessbinface]

I would summarise by my nephew's cryptic comment once , with regard to a family group that wasn't 'working' well

'Too many personalities '

So when invited to someone's house, family or not, be graceful, you blend in, bring cheer and absolutely don't cause a negative vibe by dictating or trying to change the proceedings.

Nobody asks you to comment on gender, race, cooking ability, division of labour, battle of the sexes, the elderly, family tradition etc

Lighten up! It's Christmas.