Would this annoy you? Post Reply

[Florenceml]

Your nanny taking your child to Fulham won't do any damage, being overly worried about minor issues might...

[livegreen]

We have 3 older children.
It is worrying with the first child but you learn to trust.
If you are prepared to leave your child the key word is trust.
If you do not trust your carer then you cannot live the way you have chosen.
If you need or want to go back to work then you need to trust the person you leave in charge. Simple. When you leave the house they are in charge. Trust them because they know what they are doing - you are only learning.

The worst thing you can do is make lots of silly rules that undermine the professional you left in charge. Their option then is to not send pictures, texts etc of the lovely time they are sharing with your child but keep it a secret, and then you will never know and never complain, ignorant bliss is good for some!

Good luck....and trust!

[IndyB]

Thanks so much for the replies. It's interesting to read your perspectives.

As one of the replies noted, it is early days with the nanny. I'm also adjusting to being back at work full-time (as well as trusting someone else to fill the role I had done every day previously).

I told my nanny from the start that it was important we have open and honest communication- and that we were both raise any issues or concerns. So when I got home that evening, that's what I did. We had a good chat and she understood why I was concerned- and at the same time I told her understood she needs adult interaction (because I did, too) and that play dates are good for the children (and great she took initiative).

I think I'll probably get more relaxed as time goes on and more trust is built. I'm sure many of you can relate to the challenges of returning to the 'former life' after having a baby.

Thanks again for sharing your views!

[Mrs Contractor Mum]

I haven't come across any job out there that doesn't manage how trust is established be it through a contract which establishes the role and expectation of the employee, a probation period, a specific set of clauses that result in dismissal, some sort of review process etc. Is there any other job out there where people are employed and not managed on their performance?

Really not sure why employing a nanny is any different and from day one means a parent should completely handover all responsibility for decision making of our children to a nanny. Nor why a parent can be accused of being an awful employer for querying what your nanny is planning to do with your child.

As for finding the local area being boring - we live in nappy valley. There are children's playgroups/ activity centres/ classes every day of the week within half a mile of most peoples houses in this area and this website publishes most of them. Its not that hard to find out whats going on locally.

With my son's nanny, every term we would sit down and agree which daily activity or class he would go to in the morning on which days. There was plenty of opportunity for socialisation for both child and nanny. Whilst he was young, after lunch and afternoon sleep they would either go for fresh air and exercise at the local park or if the weather was really terrible do some sort of craft activity/ learning focussed activity at home. We have lots of children in my neighbourhood wih similar aged children and I introduced her to the families so that playdates could be organised.

As our relationship developed as a family, my son's interests became more varied and his sleep reduced obviously we trusted her to take him on trips to museums or days out in London and she would let me know what her plans were or I would make suggestions of where to go.

I'm not by any means advocating a draconian policy with nannies that they can't go out within a one mile boundary of the house. I just think parents should take an interest in what their child is doing and know where they are should god forbid that 0.01% chance of an accident happening to either the child or the nanny. The only way of doing that is by communicating with your nanny.

[KMoss77]

Get a grip! I think it's really great your nanny took the initiative in the first place!

Kids love and need varied stimulation and also to be able to meet and play with other kids ( and to be fair in a safe environment which your nannying takes responsibility for)

All these things should've being discussed and ironed out during your interview process as to where the boundaries lay. If you don't trust your nanny then you shouldn't have employed her in the first place!

[carofg]

Having been in the job for only 5 weeks, your nanny is new to you and your expectations.
You don't say how long she has been nannying for. If she had a lot of latitude in her previous positions where she could decide on how the day went, activities etc then she might assume that you would be ok with your child having playdates in Fulham. How did she get to the playdate? Drive or public transport? Putney end of Fulham is not that far from Battersea but North Fulham could be too far? It just depends on your expectations.
Is the nanny she went to see a friend from a different position? As in she has known the nanny a long time? If they get on and had similar age children I would hope you could see the benefits of a playdate. Nannying young children can be a very isolating experience. It takes some time to find friends with children of a similar age in a new area.
In one of my positions I was only allowed to do an activity once a day. For eg music class in the am meant I wasn't allowed to have a playdate in the afternoon. The parents wanted me to be able to play at home with toys and do art activities etc.And I had to leave a very detailed diary explaining what we did that day. I didn't always agree with one activity a day but I had to follow what the parents wanted me to do. In my current position, I was allowed to take the children out both morning and afternoon and run them ragged! Now after being there 6 years I can decide what we do day to day without a lot of input with the parents because they trust me.

So sit down with your nanny and have a chat with her.
Trust takes a long time to build in a relationship and if you are not happy with what she is doing you need to tell her now. Maybe once she has been working for you for a while you'll be able to relax the "rules" a bit. Communication is the key to a great relationship with your nanny.

[Earlsfield_mummy]

I agree with Discodolly and the other (bizarrely minority) of posters who think it is a good thing for children to go out and have experiences.

If you have the time and inclination to vet every single person your child comes into contact with, all well and good, but you probably should have warned the nanny about that beforehand. Also, if you can't trust your nanny's judgment then query why you are leaving your child with her in the first place?

My daughter has a nanny because both parents work full time, and whilst not a perfect situation I am glad and relieved that our daughter is in good hands, with someone she clearly adores, and who takes her to lots of play-dates and other activities every day - unlike the countless nannies who spend all day on their iphones and plonk the children in front of the telly.

It had never occurred to me to check up on where the nanny is taking her each day - I wouldn't have the time to do this, let alone meet all the people concerned before they are allowed to meet my daughter! Personally I have always been delighted to receive the photos our nanny sends of our daughter playing with all her little friends - most of whom I had never met until we invited them to her 2nd birthday earlier this year.

Of course it is up to you where you set the boundaries, but it wouldn't do you or your child any harm to relax a bit.

[Tpa]

Out of curiousity, what did your son have to say about his trip to Fulham? Did he enjoy it?

I agree with Disco/Earlsfield/KMoss/Jen66, etc. I wouldn't hire a nanny for even one day if I didn't trust her implicitly to act as my proxy. But then again, one of my requirements is that our nanny takes our child into central London weekly to museums/galleries, etc. On the other hand, if it upset a routine that was in place, I might be peeved *but guess we would have discussed that previously*

Good that you were honest with her, I would just make sure she won't be worried to think outside of the box now and again in your absence.

Hope she works out!