Francis Holland head says "you can't have it all" Post Reply

[juliantenniscoach]

Oh I see. Ok let me try and explain. I think that in many cases the costs of childcare v the net income of working can be marginal. I'm not talking about the big city jobs which always dominate this argument, but regular jobs paying sub £50,000 for example (still a good income against the national average clearly).

Our state provision for childcare doesn't meet the employers need which then places the burden of cost onto the family. Again I'm not saying sexism doesn't exist, of course it does. However I do think the maths for many families don't add up for returning to work.

I hope that makes more sense?

[supergirl]

I jump in because the equal (or unequal) pay together with the childcare costs are an important factor in the decision but not the only one.
For a lot of people (and you mentionned this Julian) it is a patnership between 2 parents. As you said for some parents it is very important that the children are with one of them instead of a carer and it has nothing to do with money. It is a decision based on the overall welfare of the children and the family and the (sometimes perceived) benefits of having one parent at home.

In our circle we know 3 dads who have put their career on hold to be with the kids while the mums are ar work; we know a few mums who have done the same while the dads work; finally we know a lot who are both working part time so the children are always with one of them.
All those families have made these arrangements based on the positives impact it will make on their family. The economic argument came after.

[nuttymummy]

Ok, I'm also probably about to regret jumping in here but..... What exactly is "having it all"??!!! Surely the whole thing is entirely subjective and we all need to accept that we all make different choices for different reasons and what REALLY needs to happen is that we shouldn't be made to feel guilty for that. Some return to work because they want to, some return because they don't have a choice and the salary is essential, some don't return because they feel they want to be at home and some are at home because their salary wouldn't cover the childcare costs. There are so so so many variables. Let's face the facts - we all do what we feel is right in the circumstances and at the time, life is not a fairytale and who's to say what our children (girls & boys) will or won't want to choose. We need to make them aware that they will be faced with options and equip them with the tools to deal with the choices THEY will have to make.

[torts]

I would agree that women cannot have it all - at the present time.

Following recent redundancy from a job that had amazing flexibility which allowed me to spend lots of time with my daughter, I struggled with being attracted to well-paid full-time jobs but also desperately wanting to be at home and do the school run and take my daughter to all her activities. As a single (widowed) mother to an only child, employing a nanny doesn't make much sense, but I don't want her to have to be in before-and-after school clubs five days a week or in institutional care throughout the long summer holidays.

Youngsters, perhaps especially women, should think ahead when planning their careers as to how they would manage the juggling and think what qualifications would allow them to work flexibly in future.

Of course, if employers could just accept the idea of flexibility more readily, then perhaps we could really have it all.

[AbbevilleMummy]

Since this debate started in the national press I have heard a lot of people get put out by the expression 'have it all' and I don't really understand why?

To me, the expression means to be able to not have to make sacrifices once you have kids. Those sacrifices could be in terms of your career but also personal free time, hobbies, exercise, travel etc.

This is why I also believe that to 'have it all', (all at the same time) isn't possible as having kids is all about sacrifice!!

Whether you are male or female for that matter! I know that my husband, whilst he is still working, certainly feels that he has sacrificed himself somewhat since having kids. Sometimes he can't work as hard as he'd like to, he can't spend all of his hard earned money of little luxuries for himself anymore, and he has far fewer lads trips!

What we should be teaching our girls and boys is to make the most of when you are young free and single!

But on a serious note, I do get frustrated by hearing that women that have decided to be at home for a while, have given up on their careers. We are the first generation where strong, economically powerful women are now having children. Most of my mummy friends are lawyers, bankers, industry heads etc all at the top of their game when they decided to have kids. Yes, a lot of them have decided to pause their careers for now to raise their young families, largely because they have earned well during their 20's and 30's and so can afford to do so. But jump forward 10 years or so and let's see what they are doing! I have no doubt that they will all have successful careers again. Possibly not in their original field, but they are not the sort of ladies who are just going to sit at home watch This Morning that's for sure!

Hopefully time will show that we can indeed 'have it all' when you look at our adult lives as a whole and we will all be direct role models for our daughters on how to balance family life and personal achievements.