I think I've wreaked my marriage. Can anyone help. Post Reply

[overdonemum]

this isn't my normal username, for obvious reasons.

I'm in a really bad spot and need help. I've had depression on and off since I was very young. I'm on a high dose of anti-depressents and I drink like a fish ("self-medicate") and I'm not at all interested in sex.

I was really drunk one night last week and blurted it out to my husband that I am not sexually attracted to him and that I see our relationship as more like best friends. We have hardly had any sex in the past 5 years because I fend him off. He is a lovely person and I feel that he could do so much better than me. He has put up with my depression crap for many years.

I suppose I was testing him. Depression makes me nasty and gives me the upper hand, as anyone been through therapy will understand. Anyway, he called my bluff and said that he can't have a non-intimate relationship. Not sure what to do now. I've pretty much just told my husband that he can go and look for someone else. I think he will. He is really floored.


Feel totally ****. I've not eaten anything and had a whole bottle of wine. Got to pick up my kids at 3. All is crap.

Does anyone have any advice. I want to save my marriage.

[jess123]

Ok, first of all stop beating yourself up honey and secondly, do not go and pick up the kids drunk. Get out your phone and text friends to collect and look after for a few hours whilst you get yourself together. Everything seems a lot worse when drunk and more than likely you haven't wrecked your marriage, just taken it to a point where things need to be done rather than coasting along. What seems insurmountable today can be addressed another day. I suggest you call your husband and apologise and explain as you have in this post. Suggest he comes home early to get the children to bed and then if you've sobered up you should talk. How about counselling, it's a cliche for a reason - it works.
xx

[juliantenniscoach]

as jess says, get some friends to pick your kids up, maybe a surprise tea out if your friends will hold the fort.

get hold of hubby and try to:-
a, get some time off together (bh weekend) to soberly talk through the points. the ice has most definitely been broken
b, seek professional help including the drinking
c, use your friends, that's they are there for in time like these.

best wishes

[Balhammom]

I am so sorry that you are having a tough time.

First of all, can I reiterate the most important advice given above, don't drive around after a few drinks. To be blunt, you feel **** enough about yourself as it is, without getting stopped for drink driving or, even worse, hurting someone.

Next step, go and see your GP.

Tomorrow.

Pick up the phone and dial their number and make an appointment.

When you get in there, explain how **** you feel and be prepared to break down. Don't be embarressed or worried or ashamed, again, to be blunt, they seen stuff that makes your depression look like a walk in the park.

Do that and you're on your way, its a journey, thats your first step, and let us know how you get on.

[Balhammom]

How are you today?

[Annabel (admin)]

Hello Overdone Mum,
How are things looking. There are lots of us thinking of you
Annabel x

[sparkletiger]

So sorry things feel so bad. Glad you've felt able to post. Have you seen a counsellor before? There are many different types. You say you want to save your marriage. You also say you think he could do better than you. He chose you and he's stuck by you through your depression so he obviously cares. You both need time to work out where you want to go from here and to find out whether that us together or apart.

I hope you are able to both find the strength to work this out.

And to echo previous posts you owe it to your children to sort out your drinking. Not wanting to over dramatise but ending up with social worker involvement due to concern about their safety is not going to improve things. They deserve to be cared for responsibly so if you are not up to looking after them at times you need to sort out someone who can.

Good luck and let us know how you get on.

X