Mother slapping her child Post Reply

[catty29a]

Whilst I've never smacked my daughters I have definitely screamed at them in public - usually because they have just done something that put them in danger but I know there have also been days when there's been an accumulation of bad behaviour and it's taken one little thing just to tip me into seriously shouty mother. I think we all have days when we lose control and I'm not sure how I would react in that moment if someone I didn't know approached me and took issue with my parenting - I'm not sure it would really diffuse the situation at all. I suspect that whilst you may be feeling bad about the incident you witnessed, that mother is probably, hopefully, feeling much worse about it. None of us are perfect - we all know we shouldn't shout at our kids etc... but I would be amazed to meet anyone who has managed to never do it.

[mingokat]

No it wasn't me. Just understand where that Mother might have been coming from as I know I've blasted my 3 before, lost it slightly in the heat of the moment when they've been playing up more than usual. Is this not normal? Bit unfair to suspect me just because I can see another viewpoint. I just felt a little uncomfortable with the holier than thou attitude when all that has been witnessed is a snippet of someone elses life. I think my fear being that there are mothers out there so quick to judge and condemn another mother when I thought we all shared the same struggles and experiences with young children.

On a lighter note, I did laugh at the Cheese on Toast or Beans on Toast comment. I can't see the connection to the original post, but liked it all the same.

[busyMouse]

It is quite upsetting seeing something like that and not knowing what to do or whether your saying something is actually going to help the situation or not.
I was walking to work down Northcote Road a couple of weeks ago and witnessed a father walking his son to school on the other side of the street and he was so angry and swearing loudly and furiously at the boy, using really awful language and the boy was just moping along with his head down crying. It was really, really extreme and a woman sitting outside at a cafe told him he shouldn't be swearing at his poor child and also not in front of her children or any other children and then he just started yelling and swearing at her and said something like 'You try taking care of an f***ing autistic kid day in and day out'.
It was so upsetting. I hate to think of the kind of stress some parents and children are under every day and I wonder what kind of support there is available for the people who need it.
I did think about calling the school - only to see if they would be able to offer any help to the family but I was genuinely unsure (and still am) if that would have been the right thing to do.

[yorkshirepudding]

Hi
I just felt compelled to respond to this posting. We really do not know the circumstances behind what the original poster saw on the Common. I am mum to two little boys who quite frankly can be total nightmares. I swore I would never smack but in recent weeks I have regularly smacked my older son, largely as it's the only thing that seems to get through to him when he is being deliberately badly behaved.

I have tried physically removing him from places (eg playgrounds/playdates), reward charts, smiley face charts, naughty steps, sending him to his room, counting backwards and forwards and have read the books toddler taming and 1-2-3 magic, but know now that when my nearly 4 year old is really hell-bent on destruction or behaving particularly badly the only thing that stops him in his tracks is a smacked bottom.

It's always a last resort but I'm guessing that the lady on the common may well have had a similar morning to mine when the older child attacks the younger one repeatedly, then plays up, then talks back and finally does the thing that really is the straw that breaks the camel's back. Smacking and shouting at a child in a public place is (certainly for me) something I really wouldn't choose to do so I have to say I feel very sorry for the mum in question for being driven to it.

Sorry for disagreeing with so many of you who seem to have mastered the art of controlling your offspring with stern words only; I take my hat off to you for being able to manage your children's behaviour so well.

[Megberry]

I'll be honest, I drove my mother insane when I was little, and got the odd slap on the bottom (I remember my mother calling me by my full name and I knew I was in trouble!!)

Most of the time it was because my sister and I had been fighting, and my mum just had enough of it...

I wouldn't judge her.. I got the odd slap on the bum because I was very naughty and I turned out fine if I say so myself (and it does NOT mean that I was abused at home, not AT ALL!)... I just knew how to annoy my mum haha...

Just wanted to make a point to not judge until a) you have very naughty children too or 2) you know their lives inside and out...

obviously you should step in if it was a nanny/child situation, that's always 100% wrong

[Goldhawk]

Why is it always wrong if it's a nanny?

[nannyinwandsworth]

Slightly off topic here...
but how would you know if it was a parent or a nanny?

[Goldhawk]

yorkshirepudding - I don't have all the answers by any means. However book wise Iots of people recommend the How to talk book

Parent practice also v good but pricey for courses

[Wfm]

Goldhawk, I completely respect the fact that you disagree with me, but how can you compare adults hitting each other to a mother smacking her child? I think that's a somewhat tenuous analogy. Isn't a mother completely in her right to discipline her child the way she sees fit. And please answer this, what right does a bystander have to intervene in personal family dynamics? Please, do answer.

[Goldhawk]

If I slap you or an adult member of my family I can be charged with common assault

Why should that not apply to a child?
Why is it okay to hit them?

[yorkshirepudding]

Well said Megberry!

[mingokat]

Child manuals and parenting classes!!!! Goldhawk - is this the answer? Probably why you come across the way you do. Don't underestimate the old fashioned way of raising children - trial and error, and human feelings, no less. no offence meant though.

[mingokat]

Also - the other thing that slightly struck me about the original posting is how "mwamwa" could'nt seem to think of anything else for ...... 2 weeks!!!! Does mwamwa need to perhaps find something else to do with her life!!?

[Goldhawk]

Mingokat - my post was in response to Yorkshirepudding who mentioned other books she had tried
Nothing wrong with old fashioned approaches if they are working for you

[kiwimummy]

Mingokat, that's a bit mean to the original poster. Watching someone lose control like that can be a bit shocking, especially if it something you yourself haven't experienced.

Recently I saw a mum screaming and swearing at her daughter (i guess about age 2 or 3) in our street (as in "shut the f*** up, you little *****"). It went on for a while. I didn't intervene (although I was debating what to do), but she then saw me, stopped and walked off. She looked quite embarrassed.

It upset me for quite a while. I hope it was a one off and that's not how she talks to her kid all the time.

None of us are perfect parents, and we can all get it wrong from time to time. But, if we see something which really looks abusive, then personally I think it's better to speak up rather than ignore it and hope the child will be OK.