Husband rude to brother in law Post Reply

[Rattymen]

I think the argument speaks for itself and the two men have to resolve it. Many men in particular never 'apologise' (its not primary school) but have other ways of establishing boundaries or dealing with it.

Both men know full well that you don't start joking about another man's hair loss or financial failures.

The two men have to sort it out and the women stay out of it.
Why does your sister not acknowledge the rude behaviour of her own husband?

There should not be 'intervening' people beyond passing on the message it was stupid , in parent role trying to get their partner to 'say sorry'.
The men were competitive and both got it in the neck from each other and spoilt the do. Immature and need to grow up but i doubt either will be the bigger person so leave them to resolve it!
Just dont accept a repeat!

[AbbevilleMummy]

My husband is also thinning on top and very conscious about it. My family are also not as fortunate as we are.

But if he spoke to my family like yours did and refused to make a huge apology to all involved then I would be having Christmas with my family without him.

[Terrier_London]

He should just shave his head.

Embrace the bald brotherhood. There is no point fighting it. 

[Mikeydon]

Oh, absolutely, let’s take a moment to appreciate the sheer audacity of your brother-in-law in this scenario. Here’s your husband, already feeling vulnerable and self-conscious about his hair, and he’s relentlessly targeted with juvenile jokes about his appearance all evening. What a charming host, really setting the tone for a warm and festive family gathering with his unrelenting “wit.” And yet, somehow, your husband is expected to maintain saint-like composure in the face of this barrage? Right. Because apparently, being bald also means you’re supposed to have the patience of a monk.

Let’s break this down: your brother-in-law was rude, plain and simple. “Mr. Potato Head”? “Slap head”? Are we at a primary school lunch table? The man spent the entire evening using your husband as the butt of his jokes, likely to deflect attention from his own insecurities. Yet now, the spotlight’s on your husband for daring to defend himself? Sure, his comeback was sharp and hit a sore spot—but perhaps that’s what happens when someone keeps poking the bear.

If your brother-in-law can’t handle a reality check about house prices and the costs of hair transplants, maybe he should rethink his strategy of dishing out relentless mockery. It’s a little rich (pun fully intended) to provoke someone, then clutch your pearls when the response isn’t all smiles and chuckles.

And let’s be honest: your husband’s reaction wasn’t ideal, but it wasn’t unwarranted either. He’s clearly dealing with something deeply personal and emotional. Nobody likes being reduced to their insecurities, especially in a room full of people. That your brother-in-law chose to zero in on that, repeatedly and in public, was both petty and mean-spirited.

So, no, your husband shouldn’t be groveling for forgiveness here. If anything, your brother-in-law owes him an apology for creating this situation in the first place. Maybe this Christmas, instead of demanding apologies from the man who was provoked, your sister and brother-in-law should reflect on the concept of basic kindness—and the dangers of poking fun at people who might just poke back.

[Mikeydon]

Thank you for that utterly essential context. Without knowing the stark contrasts between your humble origins (no private schools! Cheap Spain holidays!) and the glittering affluence of your current postcode, how could anyone possibly comprehend the intricate dynamics of this family drama? Truly, your willingness to humblebrag about 4x4s, million-pound catchment areas, and sparkling teeth dripping with money has cleared up everything. It’s a wonder your brother-in-law didn’t bow down at your arrival, overcome by the sheer glow of your Nappy Valley radiance.

And of course, it’s deeply important to acknowledge how out of place you feel around people with less. Such self-awareness is admirable. It must be so tough navigating a world where you’re forced to wrestle with both the weight of your success and the pesky burden of explaining it to us mere mortals who don’t automatically associate “teeth” with “wealth.”

As for your “clunky language,” don’t worry about it. Who could ever misinterpret phrases like “drip money” and “million-pound homes” as anything other than deeply relatable and charming? It’s clear you’ve worked hard to bridge the gap between where you’re from and where you are now—though perhaps next time, skip the geography lesson and try a touch of humility instead.

[Mikeydon]

Oh, what a beacon of moral superiority you are! Your husband, also thinning on top (what a coincidence!), would never dare stoop to such behavior. Not in your perfect world of humility and decorum. No, he would graciously endure relentless public humiliation at the hands of your family because, clearly, being a punching bag is the ultimate mark of good manners. And if he didn’t? Off to Christmas alone he goes! What a festive and supportive partnership you’ve crafted. Truly inspiring.

It must be so comforting for your family to know that no matter how badly they behave, they can count on you to throw your husband under the bus at the first sign of trouble. Loyalty? Empathy? Who needs those when you have the moral high ground?

So yes, let’s all aspire to your approach: enable your family’s rudeness, demand groveling apologies for self-defense, and punish your husband for daring to stand up for himself. Christmas without him? I’m sure he’d miss all the joy and warmth of that environment terribly.