hey there, just been reading these posts. My advice from my exp (nanny and nursery 10 years) on what i would do/think is right is to definately to say goodbye, give cuddles say you are coming back etc and do not just sneak off as u said as this way baby/child learns mummy/daddy goes away but they come back again.
Do show attention to an anxious child ofcourse
. A new person in her life, her routine change and mummy/daddy going is alot to adjust to for a little one, its not that the child is having a tantrum espesially at only 16mths of age its a perfectly normal reaction to mummy/daddy going and adjusting to the new set up at this young delicate age so i wouldnt ignore the behaviour as carer suggsted (in my opinion). Having said that i would say its important not to linger too long in the mornigs during handover as this makes it harder for you, child and carer in question.
Once u have decided its time for me to go ...do go (about 5 mins after a quick bye bye, cuddle, kiss, and hello, handover to carer).
To ease you're own anxiety as someone else suggested if it is possible to maybe hang back in the corridoor if baby/child dosnt realise you are there to reassure you'reself that child is ok after a few minuets u may find crying ceases quite quickly ....but do be prepared that for some the ajustment may be longer. If u are not happy with anything do talk it through with you're childs carer if u feel the adjustlment is taking a long time, you're child is not happy...as someone suggested maybe spending some time together, you you're child and the nanny so little one has the security of you there and nanny hopefully good bonds can be made between you.
Most often it just takes a little time for children to build new trusting relationships other than immeadiate family especially those who have been very used to mum/dads company everfyday with little or no outside care (babysitter,nanny, nursery) previously so things will get better
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You should definately be able to discuss with you're nanny you're feelings regards you're child ...do not feel pushed out made to do soemthing u dont feel comforatble with. I think as a nnay myself its good to be suggestive/informative where a parents asks you soemthing, or u feel may need a hand/point ion right direction with something i.e routine, potty training etc but you're main role/priority is to ease the transition for baby/child and family in the early days and to form a healthy relationship with the child and parents for a happy environment all round.