Help with Potty Training Post Reply

[lamj1974]

Hi All

I'm at my wits end and thought you lovely ladies might be able to help! My daughter is 2yrs 10 months. This is our 3rd attempt at potty training and it's a total disaster!! She will not sit on the potty or loo and so therefore is having constant accidents. We have done everything from a reward chart, to chocolate to every bribe in the world! Every morning she begs us not to take her nappy off which is so upsetting and so odd. She speaks perfectly well and seems to understand. I've gone so far as to leave her in wet pants for a bit to see if it bothers her - to no avail! It's now day 7 of the current potty training and she's probably peed on the potty in total about 3 times. My husband wants to get someone in to help as we don't know what to do but thought i'd try this first!

She has an older and younger brother and sadly her older brother is still in nappies as he is autistic so very hard to potty train him. And her younger brother is only 13 weeks old - could this be something?

She's a very confident, headstrong little thing so it's becoming quite hard. Maybe she's just not ready?!

Anyway if anybody could shed some light i'd be eternally grateful!

Thank you.

[Bluebutterfly]

Hi there, I'm not sure if I can shed any light but I really sympathise with your situation. My little boy was incredibly difficult to potty train - mainly because he had no desire whatsoever to be out of nappies, wear "big-boy" pants etc. He was just really stubborn about it and because of that no amount of bribes would work. I also gave up on the first 2 attempts and was in tears by the end - I couldn't work out why we were having such issues when everyone else seemed to manage fine!! In the end we finally cracked it when he was about 3 and 3 months - we took the potty on holiday with us, it was a complete change of scene and there happened to be a little place in the holiday where he could sit in privacy! For some reason, he finally got to grips with it then - I think he simply wasn't ready before then. It was incredibly frustrating at the time though. I hope that you will find something that works for your daughter soon.

[mrsbfrombalham]

Hi, although it may seem to you your daughter is at an age she should be potty trained, she may just not be ready emotionally- as shows her lack of interest for it. She is still under 3, so I would leave it for now and try again in a month or two.
Just because everyone boasts about how their kids were potty trained at 18 months does not mean it's the right age for everyone. My daughter was potty trained during the day fairly early, but she was almost 5 when we finally dropped night nappies and I just left her to it until she was ready - no pressure.
The holiday thing worked well for us too - we bought a new potty to take on holiday and it was a hit. Also i found that as accidents happened outside of my house (hotel, beach) I just got less stressed about it - meaning less pressure for my daughter.
All the best

[supergirl]

Hi
It sounds to me that daughter is not ready and that you are putting unnecessary pressure on her. You said it yourself: it is not your first attemp and she "begs you to leave the nappy on".
And you are adding stress on yourself.
Why dont you all take a break, wait for the summer or till she is ready?

My youngest is 2.5yrs and litterally yesterday morning (finally!) did a wee on the potty and today is her 2nd day wearing pants.
So with her it took 1 attempt.

With my eldest it took 2. She was 2.5 too when she was finally ready. During the 1st attempt and as it was obviously not working, i told her "look it is not working and i am obviously putting pressure on you (bearing in mind that failing potty training can lead to urine infections if they hold back). Why dont we put the nappy back on and we ll try again a bit later or when you tell me you want to try again?" She agreed and a month later she told me she didnt want a nappy anymore...

I say give yourselves a well deserved break

Good luck. Sx

[2009Kat]

It sounds like you may need to take a break. My little boy was trained in about 2 days, it was so easy. However, this was our FOURTH attempt.... Previously he had indicated he could do it (hence the attempts) but when he started crying and asking for nappies hysterically and just refusing to go anywhere near a potty and making mess everywhere we had given up. When he was ready it worked a treat, he was nearly 3. Try not to worry too much about it, she will get there eventually!
Good luck

[lamj1974]

Thank you all so much! That's so helpful. I think you're right and we will try again soon. X

[MrsNanny]

I really feel for you and your little girl, it can be a deaply stressful and upsetting time if you feel its not "working". Try not to worry about her age....each child is very didfferent and its not going to cause any harm if you hold off for a few months, if you feel this is the right choice. i written below some ideas i use, that i think might be helpful for you to try...

I do agree with the other comments, potty training can be a stressful time for a toddler, and also for the parents. Some advice for when YOU and SHE is ready, and i say you because if you are unsettled, nervous and stressed about the potty training, this does fuel the anxiety for children.

How often is she having accidents - if she is wetting herself frequently - say every 15-30 minutes her bladder just might not be mature enough. Ideally toddlers should be potty trained when they are able to go 1-2 hours without needing to go for a wee. Try not to limit fluids as this causes constipation, even when potty training.

Potty training takes each child totally different amount of time - so maybe don't put a time scale of say 2 weeks, but record how many accidents to success your having a day, then look at this after 2 weeks, and the 3rd weeks, as some children need that little bit longer period to adjust to this change.

You mentioned your older child is not potty trained, maybe when talking to your daughter you could explain that your son needs a little longer in nappies so she understands its a process which all children go threw just at different times. This might help if she is feeling overwhelmed that she is going to potty train.

Recommendations
Don't mention potty training of you decide to stop and try again in a month, therefore causing less stress and anxiety to build.
Buy potty training books
Get a comfortable potty / toilet seat
Encourage your daughter to come to the toilet when you go so she can see what happens
When potty training begins remove nappies out of sight so there is no confusion, call lunch time sleep nappies "sleepy time nappies" and explain these are for when we are asleep, we wear our knickers in the day.

Plan 2 weeks when it can be as calm as possible (hard with 3 children I know!) so not to many activities and outings.

The morning your ready to start....
Calmly talk to your daughter after reading the book, and explain that mummy and daddy use knickers/ pants, make it fun - let her choose your knickers perhaps one morning to wear taking the fear away of letting go of the nappy and wearing knickers. Ask her what special pants she would like And make it a fun activity of going to buy them with her.

Explain clearly that from now on she will be using the potty and the nappies will be going away (so there's no confusion that she could have a nappy) most toddlers go threw a stage when potty training usually after a few days asking for there nappies back and becoming upset. Calmly explain about potty training and try and distract from talking about nappies.

Explain what she is going to do on the potty, what we use it for etc.

Idealy have 2 pottys 1 downstairs and 1 upstairs, someone clear in the room for her to see. If you go into another room, take the potty with you. When asking your daughter if she says no - try using one of her favourite dolls / teddies and show her what teddy does - then give the praise to teddy after the wee - wee (I have been know to put some water in the potty and pretend teddy has done a wee - always great entertainment for children!) try to be in a calm environment away from lots of people - it's daunting sitting on a potty with people watching.

If a accident does happen - try the approach of " where do our wee wee go Sarah? Wait for the reply and then say....well done that's right the wee wee go in the potty, and then we flush the wee wee away next time when you need to do a wee wee you tell mummy and we will sit on the potty"

When she does a wee on the potty - tell her how proud you are of her, and reward using a piece of pasta that she herself can put in a small jar, once the jar is full say 5 pieces she can have recive her reward....this could be a colouring book, visiting the libuary together, whatever your daughters interests are, talk each morning about the reward so she knows what the reward will be. Never take a piece of pasta away if she has an accident, this is a positive reward system were she can feel proud, and happy about her achievements. Could also give a sticker to her to put on her potty each time she goes.

I hope this helps a little, you might already be doing a lot of these ideas.

Good luck

Xx

[MrsNanny]

Corrections sorry - ipad!

*Buy potty training books - sorry I meant children's story books on potty training for you to read together.

* let her choose a pair of knickers for you, that you will wear, making this a fun activity for her

[topmama]

We found that Pirate Pete's potty book I think there is a girly version was really popular and there is a 'cheer' button to press to make it more fun!
Good Luck