Nanny got drunk - should I be worried? Post Reply

[Worriedmummy]

Hi
I have registered under a different username as I didn't want to be recognisable.

Last week it was my fathers 70th birthday party and as it was planned for a weekend we asked our nanny if she would like to work some extra hours looking after our children and our friends/cousins/siblings children who would also be at the party which was held at home.

To cut a long story short my nanny got pretty wasted and by the end of the evening was, if not a total mess, visibly drunk, a lot louder than usual, and had slurry speech.

My husband thinks the whole thing is pretty funny, him and the nanny have always got on pretty well, but I am mortified. We had our friends and family there, it was her job to look after the children and she was wasn't fit for purpose.

We're a pretty easy going family, we usually have a bottle of wine on the go in the evenings, so we're not prudes but I feel this is really affecting my view of how well she can do her job.

Should I leave it? Pretend it's a one off or have a word? Really not sure what do and a part of me thinks I am getting this out of all proportion.

[redwoman]

me personally would talk to the nanny and explain that you are not happy with what happened and whilst she was meant to be looking after the children it was unprofessional and not acceptable. Only you can decide if you want to dismiss her of her duties, or warn her that if it happens again you will have to let her go. Its okay to have a drink and get tipsy when not working but under no circumstances whilst the children are in her care

[redwoman]

Just had to add, i would not dismiss it because it will eat away at you, and if you trust her to care for your children then you should be able to openly talk to her about your concerns. If she is a good nanny who has your childrens welfare and safety her priority then she will respect you for being honest .

[runningmummy]

If its a one off then its fine. Think your husband is right to laugh about it. In normal workplaces people have a few after house. Perhaps not ideal when looking after children but there were others of you there. Think it shows she has a bit of spirit about her (excuse the pun ). I bet she is feeling pretty bad about it too. Next time there is a party situation just remind her that she is working and need her sober to look after children.

[AbbevilleMummy]

Who was supplying her with the wine? If it was you or your husband continually topping up her glass then there's not much you could say.

However, if she was helping herself and generally ensuring that she was having a good time then I would be pretty mad about it and she wouldn't be getting paid for the party that's for sure!

If it is the latter then you to have a chat to let her know that you feel her behaviour was inappropriate and irresponsible. You were hiring her so that you could let your hair down, not for her to have a good time.

[magdacz]

I'm a nanny myself and can't imagine something like this could ever happen. She was "on duty" and supposed to take care of children and no matter how close she is with family or how relaxed you are but taking care of children is serious thing and she should stay sober no matter what. Imagine situation if something would happen to one of children and she would not be able to help... You should definitely talk to her about what has happened and that you don't want any more situations like this. It's not acceptable. Remember - it's all about your children.

[NannyChloe]

Hey,

I'm a nanny / babysitter too and I can't imagine letting myself be in an unfit state to look after someone's children. So for me it's not just drinking too much but extends to being too ill, hungover, not having the knowledge and afraid to ask questions, drugs etc. Your nanny could be a 'right raver' when she's not responsible for your children, but that's a distinction that should and can be made between professional and personal.

That said, this is one of the professions where those lines are most blurry. You are very much part of a family's personal world. A good point was raised about whether it was your husband topping up her glass. I would say that she should still have had the professionalism to say no, but if it's worried you then much, you should speak to your husband too.

As for how worried you should be about your nanny / what action to take - I would most definitely have a chat with her. Rather than go in heavy handed, I would ask how *she* felt she looked after you children / the situation was. Then I would reaffirm your expectations and if you have another similar event, a gentle reminder. I'm sure she'll feel horrendous at the fact that you've mentioned it at all, even if it is in a gentle way.

Don't be too worried, you obviously trust her and we *all* make mistakes - just don't sit on those worries or they do just fester away.

Good luck with it,
Chloe

[AmeriMummy]

We all make mistakes, and if you're generally happy with her performance, than this can be chalked up as a mistake.

But that doesn't mean to let it go entirely ... definitely have a word. Think of it this way -- if you were her boss in an office setting, and she got a bit squiffy at the summer party when she was supposed to be hand-holding a client ... well, you wouldn't fire her over it, but you'd perhaps have a friendly but stern word the next day -- "I know it was a party, and we were all having a good time, but you had a job to do and as your employer I can't say I thought you did it fantastically. That having been said, let's just make sure it doesn't happen again & move on."

You have to let her know you didn't find it appropriate, else you're more or less saying you're fine with it. But there's also no need to throw out the baby with the bath water.

[pigeonairre]

I agree with the nanny answers. I was a nanny for a great many years and am now a mother myself. I think perhaps this, whilst being a bit of a slip up on your nanny's part (no one likes to create problems in a household situ, so am sure it was a slip up), actually reveals that your nanny is comfortable with you and your family , and is open and readable enough to make a mistake in front of you. None of us are Mary Poppins, and no one wants a boozed up nanny - but actually I think in a way it is positive that she is not a sneaky type (I've known them and they are far worse...ie. acting all prim and proper in front of you and then flirting with your husband behind your back- urgh vile but true unfortunately of someone that I met whilst working). Someone who has their guard down enough to make a mistake in front of everyone is someone who doesn't feel as though they have anything to hide. The other thing is, if she is quite young as many nannies are, she may have a different version of 'drunk' than we do as mum's! Maybe she thinks if she can still talk, then it's ok!

She will be mortified I'm sure, but if you are not happy, then definitely raise it with her. Maybe open the conversation with how much you like her/ appreciate how she cares for the children, but let her know that she may have enjoyed herself a little too much at the party - you could even say that one of your guest pointed it out and that is the only reason why you are mentioning it. I'm sure it won't happen again.

You hear so many horror stories, that I would say, if she is a good nanny and you like her in general, then she is a decent person who forgot her place - easy to do when you work within someone's home.

You sound like a nice family to work for, so I'm sure things will be resolved.

Failing that - you could just hand her an Alcoholics Anonymous card and a phone...

[jojofun]

This, for me, would not be acceptable at all; drinking on the job whilst being responsible for little ones. If she wasn't given permission drink by you or your husband, then the thought of having a drink should never have entered her mind.

[MGMidget]

Was it clearly agreed that she was working and there to look after the children rather than an invited guest at the party who was an extra pair of hands with the children? If it was, and you or your husband weren't offering her a drink or topping up her glass all the time then I'd be quite worried about her error of judgement. It wouldn't be acceptable to me for my nanny to be drunk when looking after my child and I would be deeply embarrassed if she was also supposed to be looking after friends' children and they saw her like this. If you were all in the same room together though she has probably taken the (wrong) view that there are plenty of others there to help out and she's not solely responsible. Very bad form though when she was being paid to look after the children so you and your guests could 'let your hair down'!

I would definitely have a word to let her know you weren't happy about it. I would be wondering that if she makes mistakes like this could I be sure she's making sound judgements when I'm not there? I would also wonder how much control she has over her drinking habit if she's got drunk when working. If it was my nanny, I'd be taking a closer look at her eyes when she arrives at work in the mornings for a few weeks until I was sure it was a one off and she doesn't have a drink problem! Hopefully it was just a bit of immaturity, nothing more, and she'll have learnt her lesson.

[nannypj]

MGMidget maybe she should be checked for track marks as well, never know she could be a secret junkie.
Petal does that include parents drinking at home while they have children??
I get that she shouldn't have been drinking and generally comments are not too bad given lots of you love a bit of nanny bashing.

[nannypj]

MGMidget maybe she should be checked for track marks as well, never know she could be a secret junkie.
Petal does that include parents drinking at home while they have children??
I get that she shouldn't have been drinking and generally comments are not too bad given lots of you love a bit of nanny bashing.

[Worriedmummy]

Thank you for all the comments and advice.

I'm not looking to nannybash but I do want to understand if a nanny getting pissed on duty, even at a party, is something I should be worried about.

I'll have a quiet word and explain how I feel, I think this will be a case of two strikes and she is out

[NannyChloe]

I certainly didn't see it as nanny bashing... and I'm a nanny! Fair question, varied responses.

Hope it goes well =)
Chloe