please tell me how to stop toddler biting! Post Reply

[boysgalore]

Hi,

My son age 3 has recently taken to biting or threatening to bite when he gets angry. It's keeping me awake at night as I just don't know how to stop it. We have been making a massive deal out of it and taking away his favourite toy when it happens. We've also been talking to him about how it makes people feel when he bites. He has a new sibling, not sure if the biting is related.

Any advice? It terrifies me to think of him doing this at school/nursery and being evermore labelled a biter.

[kcai]

Sounds like he's getting a lot of attention when he bites. Maybe you could find a toy (teething ring, other sturdy teething-type toy, even a frozen washcloth) for him to bite. That way you can take a bit of the drama out of things - hand him the approved biting toy and set him aside while you make a big fuss over the bitten person instead.

Also might want to have a chat about what he might do instead of biting - i.e. stomp, yell, ask for an approved biting toy.

Hope that helps.

[JoanneF]

My son (now 6) used to do bite anything and anyone he could get his teeth into. He did it for about 2 months and then he bit a friend of mine's son and they bit him back but twice as hard in retaliation. My son never bit anyone after that. Whilst not advocating you get someone else to bite him back (!), I think if you can explain to him how painful it can be and see if he would like it done to him, that would probably be the best way to make him realise it's not nice and get him to stop.

[twice_as_nice]

like the above post!!!

In complete contrast to the first post (I appreciate the first post about biting toy is probably a better way to go about it)....but I remember my sister started biting - very young, probably 12 months or so. She bit my Grandma and my grandma bit her back. She never bit again!

[Motherhen]

That's interesting as I have been having exactly the same problem with my son who is 3 in 2 weeks time. And he's also just got a new baby sister and am sure the two things must be related. I really sympathise as I too have been worrying terribly about it...it's so embarrassing! However he hasn't bitten now for 3 weeks & I just tried really hard not to overreact to the biting. I read a book called Toddler Taming & followed the advice to withdraw all attention if they bite as ultimately they want attention. It's very hard but I would just say firmly 'no don't bite...it hurts' and walk away, paying all the attention to the child or sibling he has bitten.i can't honestly say this is what has worked as could just be a coincidence. He also had a stern telling off at nursery for biting which may also have helped as that was the last time he bit. I just hope it lasts.
My other advice is to really try not to worry as I have been assured it is very normal toddler behaviour and it will pass. Not hugely helpful when apologising to another mother in the playground but generally most mothers have experienced similar problems.
Last resort...come to my house and the two of them can fight it out!!
I will be following your post with interest to see of anyone else with good advice.

[nanny1985]

As horrible as it sounds, if you bite them back, they won't bite again. I heard it hundred of times from parents and grandparents. A bit old fashioned though

[norlandnanny]

OMG. Please don't listen to the people who are saying bite him back. Your son is most likely biting from frustration / confusion at the situation with the new baby. You are the adult in the situation and his safe haven - do not consider destroying that trust bond by BITING your own child. We are not living in the middle ages.

Removing toys etc is rarely effective in this kind of situation as you will actually raise his frustration level. Rather, I would discuss with him why he is reacting like this and explain that if he can control himself better then there will be rewards in it for him. Agree what the rewards will be, make it easy for him to earn (small) ones in the first instance when he exercises self control, as he gets in the habit of thinking before he reacts, you can do a star chart or similar so that he gets one special thing at the end of 2+ days of "no biting". This might well involve some special 1-2-1 time with you / your OH as that is probably something he feels is seriously lacking due to the new arrival. Also, asking for help / giving responsibility for certain (easy) tasks can imbue a sense of maturity at this age, but again you need to make it worth his while at least in the 1st instance so that he develops positive feelings towards taking responsibility for himself.

FYI: I was a professional nanny for over 14 yrs (trained at Norland), psychology grad, now studying a masters in counselling-related discipline.

Hope this helps

[boysgalore]

Thanks Motherhen and Norlandnanny. Good to know it's not just me going through this.

And no, I'd never bite him in a million years.

Ill give your suggestions a whirl. Thank you!