How do you deal with another mum who blanks you? Post Reply

[Mumstwo]

Momtomom you are right that Brits do have networks of friends that start at a young age and continue throughout their life, I have school friends, uni friends and mum friends all nearby. This is simply because England is small!! Even when i meet new people there is often a connection, for example, one of my new mum friends knew my husbands family and had been on holiday with them at a young age! It happens all the time.

When I lived in LA it was different, LA was a melting pot of Americans living miles from their families in Dallas, Washington, NY etc. also, in their college years they would travel huge distances from their families then end up working in a different place again breaking ties each time. I think this encourages friendliness as people are perhaps more sympathetic to newcomers.

I think it is unfair to criticise out culture and especially to take one woman and use her as an example to tarnish us all with the same brush. As mom to mum said its not wrong it's just different.

[uqbar]

The common thread behind all these posts is "Some people are different and some people are the same". Well - obviously.

I would contend that we are all different in a far more profound way than we like to imagine. We are all pursuing totally separate lives, both within and without our families and our circle of friends, like parabolas on an arc which, mathematically speaking, cannot possibly meet on the same axis. Occasionally of course - because we shun the absolutism of numbers - we bump up against each other, like random particles in a Brownian solution, and sometimes, because of that friction, a scintilla of warmth is generated. I admit it's a slim reed to hang a life on, but that's all there is and it's a testament to human existence that this is, apparently, enough to support 5,000 years of continuous civilisation. It's a cold world out there and naturally we cleave to anything that even resembles the warmth of genuine contact, whilst inwardly acknowledging that it is, and cannot help but be, illusory.

The original poster is not confronting a simple question of social impropriety but a dramatisation of the absolute and unforgiving loneliness of the human condition.

[jasbro]

Some people don't want to talk to me. They have their reasons and it is none of my business what these are. I see it as their problem not mine. I find I am a lot happier if I just forget about them and concentrate on the people who do want to talk to me. There are usually more of the latter. If I found that there were significantly more of the former I might start to worry. Some places can be cliquey - I'm happy to be an outsider and take my time to get to know the genuine people behind the facade.
If you go around being friendly, open and sensitive to others you should be just fine. London can seem unfriendly but there are always people with time to talk if you want to. I don't have much experience of America but as a Brit I find the overconfident culture quite intimidating and possibly superficial. But I am aware that's a cultural thing and don't take it personally or judge people on face value.