If you could offer me one piece of advice, what would it be? Post Reply

[twice_as_nice]

I'm with the poster who said don't take any advice!!

As you can see here, some people swear by bed sharing, others think it will ruin any haunches of sleep and your baby will be in your bed until they're 18!

All babies are different and if I've learned anything from having my 2 it's that something that works for 1 wot necessarily work for the other.

Just spend time getting to know your baby. Soaking up every second with him/her and then trust your instincts to do what works for you both.

Good luck! Xx

Totally agree! Babies are all different, try not to stress too much....and enjoy it!

Oh but I do have a small piece of advice: buy a waterproof jacket with a hood - you'll probably do a lot of walking with the buggy even in the rain and it's very difficult to push a buggy and hold an umbrella!

[balhamite]

haha - totally agree about waterproof jacket!

My other advice would be in the beginning if they are unsettled firstly assume they might be hungry and offer a feed. If that doesn't work assume they are tired and put them down for a sleep/rock/cuddle/walk to sleep etc. Don't worry that "the book" might say they shouldn't be hungry/tired for another hour.

[Pokato]

Don't worry if you're not finding very much of it special at the start. I assumed I must be a horrible person because while everyone was telling me to enjoy those special moments in the early days I mostly just felt like I was being fire-hosed in the face for the first 3 weeks! Of course there was the odd glimmer of wonder, but it was mostly just plain hard work. Week 3 was a turning point though, and by now (14 weeks) the days are full of fun and special moments, but I vowed to remember how hard the first few weeks are so that I never make any of my friends feel rubbish by telling them to enjoy every moment at the very start.
And the thing that may have saved my sanity is baby massage for colic- YouTube it, and do it a few times per day, even if gas doesn't seem to be a problem. Keeps everything moving happily and took away the screaming evenings.

[alexjohn]

I just have a practical tip which was passed onto me by a friend (mum of four) who learnt this from bitter experience...

Get a long bit of ribbon, big enough that it can go over your head like a long necklace or even better use a lanyard (from an old sports event/ conference/ festival). Attach all your important keys to this - house, car etc. Get used to putting it in the same place every day and wearing them around your neck when you take things (including baby) from the car to the house and vice versa. You may feel a bit like a prison governor at first but basically this makes it extremely hard to lock yourself out of your house or lock yourself out of your car! This has proved useful so many times, especially once when the wind blew my front door shut leaving one of my twins locked inside whilst the other one and I were outside in the pouring rain. I had the key around my neck so crisis averted!!

[HikingGirl]

Don't worry too much, things will change. Somehow I was quite desperate after a few weeks (months?), but really along the way it has all become a lot easier.

Whether it was because I got used to it, or it actually became easier I don't know.

Considering you got so much conflicting advice..what also worked for me is: collect as much advice as possible, then just do whatever feels good. If an issue arises (and they often do) try each piece of advice and see what works for you and your baby.

In our situation: keeping toddlers feet warm (with an electric hot water bottle) finally taught him how to fall asleep (if only we would have known 3 years earlier he just had cold feet!). Also we have been co-sleeping often for the past 5 years, and I don't see what the problem is. After 3 years of broken nights I was happy to give up the fight and just allow him to sleep in our bed. W'hat a relief. All 3 of us have been sleeping perfectly well ever since. It's very loving, nice and cosy. And I am sure he will feel way too old for it very soon.

[PlacentaSpecialist]

Leave a list on the kitchen side of things that need doing around the house, this can be anything. When friend pop by and ask if you want anything doing refer them to the list and ask them to tick. This works a treat as firstly you get the jobs done meaning you spend more time with baby and B your friends are only too happy to get stuck in to helping rather than sitting around eating cake!

Hope this helps

Amanda

[PlacentaSpecialist]

Oh, and I forgot to mention, stock the freezer up with healthy home cooked food, the last thing you will want to be doing is cooking! Amanda

[sixfootredhead]

First time round for me was a nightmare but I have learned lots from it and having implemented some of this new knowledge with number 2 we have had a very different experience.

My top tips are:

(1) Don't be afraid to ask for (or hire) help. whether it's family coming over to help tidy and cook or a maternity nurse or mother's help it can make the world of difference.

(2) Take a look at baby hammocks - my little one (2nd boy now 16 weeks) has slept like a log in it since day one. It's a no brainer - they snugly hold the baby and replicate the feeling of the womb, the keep the baby's head at a slightly elevated position (good for reflux - both my boys have it) and prevent flat head syndrome. They also help the baby learn to settle back to sleep easily as the movement rocks and bounces. I wish I had had one for my first child - it has saved many hours spent pacing the room in the middle of the night, rocking and bouncing to soothe them back to sleep.

(3) Try and get into some sort of routine early on, especially with feeding and nap times. We are all creatures of habit and so it's no great surprise to learn babies benefit from knowing how their day is broken down. Although I didn't do this straight away with my first, he responded really well when I did bite the bullet (it can take a while to get it to work and it's not always easy as it can mean staying home a fair bit in the early days - persevere!!!) and with my second he took to it like a duck to water. I may have been lucky but we have never had an evening interrupted since we got him home from hospital - he has settled perfectly from 7pm-10:30pm and he now (from 13 weeks) sleeps through from after his last feed at 10:30 until 7am. So the routine, when it works, can mean a proper nights' rest for you.

(4) Get yourself Gina Ford's Contented Little Baby routine book. Even if you don't implement anything or everything there is some invaluable advice in there.

(5) I agree with the poster above - don't have baby in bed with you - they need to learn the right sleep associations otherwise you will be making it hard for yourself down the line as that is what baby will always need to get to sleep.

(6) See people - friends with babies in the same boat as you. It's good to download and everyone will have similar problems/experiences.

(7) Don't expect it to be Mills and Boon. Although we are led to believe having a baby is the most amazing experience, no-one tells you about the hard bits. It is amazing and it gets more amazing and that's how we end up with more than one child but it's bloody hard work and you put your life on hold for 6 months until you come out of the fog. Unless you are really really lucky and end up with an easy baby first time around.

Good Luck!

[sixfootredhead]

Oh and just a couple more things that have occurred to me since I posted...:

(1) Don't assume that a crying baby is a hungry baby. It may be but it may not. This can be the problem with feeding 'on demand'. People tend to offer a feed as a first port of call when a baby cries as they assume it's hunger but if it is not the baby will not take a full feed and consequently will only 'snack' and so won't settle well and then its a vicious cycle of a baby never having a full tummy at the right time and never settling well. When babies are tiny their stomachs are tiny so they only need little bits and more often (every 2-3 hours) but this is just the first few weeks - once they get a bit bigger and can take more you should try and ensure they take a full feed so they settle well.

(2) If after a few weeks of getting to know your baby and interpreting it's cues (with or without a routine) and the baby is still not a content baby and seems to be in pain rather than just tired/hungry/etc - may be worth seeing your doctor. With my first son we just assumed all babies cried all day / night but when we actually realised he had tummy problems and saw a doctor, she diagnosed reflux and put him on medication which really helped calm him down as he wasn't in so much pain.

(3) Borrow as much stuff as you can from friends or family. Any money saved can go on the maternity nurse or mother's help. The baby won't be proud about having sloppy seconds and you will feel a lot more human and able to enjoy it if you have some help.

[BalhamMumWorkingFT]

Relax and Enjoy... at least a little bit every day. Things can get overwhelming but I promise it will go by faster than you ever imagine.

If you can't manage, let someone know immediately. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Being a mum is hard.

Good Luck. x

[BettyBoo]

I love these posts. It all comes down to what type of person you are and ultimately your baby. I personally can't do things that are unplanned or unstructured but also very easy going and if things don't work one way, I always believe there is another. Based on what I'm like as a person and reading everything from baby whisperer to Gina Ford I decided Gina was right for me. And would never say it would be right for any one else.

My obsession was sleep as I know that's what makes me happy and if I'm happy then husband, baby and friends would benefit. I followed Gina and by 12 weeks my son was sleeping through and yes I mean 7-7. He's now two. That was my goal and I achieved it.

When I returned to work full time at 8mths he was in a fab routine, content and I was well rested and ready and raring to go back to work.

Number 2 is due in 7 weeks. I'm sure it will be completely different story. Good luck.

[kishi]

Sorry for duplication if someone else has already mentioned this...but I wish I had known sooner about cranial osteopathy. It really seemed to help both my two, the first when she was unsettled with colic, the second when she just WOULD NOT latch onto the breast and I was desperate at about ten days old. Who knows what cause and effect where but a couple of sessions seemed to reboot her and we then established breastfeeding successfully. The Osteopathic Centre for Children, off the Wandsworth One Way system, are very kind and you can just pay a donation.

Good luck again!

[firsttimerSW11]

Just wanted to thank you all so much for all the advice above. I didn't expect anything like the number of responses and I've been typing it all into my spreadsheet (!). Very much appreciated, as a first timer, I really appreciate it all.

[Tinker-Bell]

All children are different. One thing that is handy is getting them into a habit of sleeping in noisy places. My sisters baby needs complete silence which can be hard. I got mine use to a little noise in their afternoon naps as I used to keep the tele on. Just be yourself and enjoy your baby because its so true they grow up fast.

[nvmof3]

You can never have too many muzzies (or muslin squares or whatever you want to call them)