Bad behaviour at nursery Post Reply

[Southfieldsmummy]

I have recently started my 3.5yr old at what feels like a really nice nursery. Although my son seems ok there he keeps coming out with stories of another child's behaviour that concerns me such as "x hit me" then more recently "x says he is going to put me in the bin" I thought this might have just been small boy humour as he seemed to be about to giggle about it but then he said "x says he hates me". I raised the hitting with the nursery staff and they say they weren't aware of it. I am not sure what is the best thing to do about it. Obviously I would rather my child wasn't spending any time with this child and am prepared to pull him out but I am also conscious that one comes up against people who behave unpleasantly throughout life so should I be more focussing on teaching my child how best to respond to this behaviour - any tips? He tells me he tells the other child he is naughty.
Advice welcomed!

[Rainbow mum]

Without meaning to sound harsh this behaviour happens everywhere. I most definitely wouldn't pull your son out of nursery because of this but would however teach him to stand up for himself. Kids at that age say things like that all the time, it's funny to them and I don't believe a 3.5 will intentionally bully at that age. Lets not mollycoddle our kids. I appreciate you are concerned for your child but it sounds like cheeky banter. I would not be offended if another child said to my 3.5 " I am going to put you in a bin" and I certainly wouldn't say it was naughty behaviour. My 3.5 would probably laugh at that child and tell him not to be silly. Speak to his /hers teachers and ask them to keep an eye on your child.

[nadpatel]

If your husband came back from the office and said "John says he hates me"..."John hit me" would you say oh well men will be men? What's not acceptable behaviour in adults shouldn't be in children. I dont see why the emphasis should be on kids toughening up so they don't get upset when bullied. The emphasis should be on the kids doing the bullying and getting them to stop. The nursery should definitely be keeping an eye on things so you get an objective perspective.

[Rainbow mum]

Petal - couldn't agree more with you.
Nadpatel your comparison is rather silly isn't it.

[AbbevilleMummy]

I had a lot of this when my daughter started nursery school last year.

She made the place sound like a boxing ring! However there were only 16 kids in her nursery with 3 quite strict teachers so I knew that it wasn't serious.

I think it is partly the fact that they suddenly start becoming very social with other kids that they're just lumped with, not necessarily friends. And its all part of getting to know each other. Also, for the first time, they have a separate social life that you're not part of and they relish coming home and telling you all the exciting things that happened and kids tend to be a bit dramatic with their language.

Their imaginations are wild too. She once came home and told me that so-in-so trapped her in a dark rabbit hole for hours where she hurt her finger very badly! They were in the classroom all morning so I still have no idea what she was talking about, although her best friend backed up her story!

I agree with the other posters, don't take it too seriously if its not upsetting him, tell him to tell the teachers straight away if he gets upset and then have a quiet word with them to keep an eye on him.

[DinosMom]

I have to disagree with the "boys will be boys" comment. Can we do away with labeling our little ones? Girls can hit and bite and boys can be gentle. Hitting is not "normal" behavior if it is out of the blue. If he is hitting to get a toy he wants, it is probably a lack of empathy - normal at the is age, or lack of words, normal too. This particular child may not be able to use as many words and hits to get what he wants. I would do 2 things. Make the teachers aware (if they are not already and just saying they are not) and get them to observe the relationship more closely over the next week. And, secondly, work with your son to use his words more to resolve conflicts.

[nadpatel]

Wow if its silly to want good behaviour and for children to not be mean then i'm more than happy to be branded illogical. Of course a toddler doesnt have the same emotional intelligence as an adult but it shouldn't mean we should just go oh well thats how it is, you've got to set standards so that kids don't grow up into badly behaved adults...unfortunately there are plenty of those about.

[cheesesandwich]

As a mother of a toddler who has been on the naughty step more times than I care to mention, I wanted to reply. My little one started nursery half a term ago and has been initially hitting and snatching toys and the teachers have been very good at disciplining and teaching him kind hands are what we use etc. I have found it really stressful and obviously don't want my little boy to get a label that then reinforces the behaviour and attention! He is getting better and it is definitely a symptom of growing up, learning to share and socialising with other children. I certainly wouldn't pull your child out but speak to the nursery to ensure that your child is ok and not distressed in any way and that they are taking the right steps. This is just the beginning of a long road and I think it's important to keep a sense of perspective especially when they are so young. They all take their turns at bad behaviour according to the staff at my son's nursery!

I agree, Nads why on earth would you compare adult behaviour with that of a toddler! Yes set examples, but don't punish a child for being a child is what people are saying.

[calliwally]

There will always be kids who are naughty and hit or say bad things. It's the nursery that shd do something about repeated behaviour. It may be over in a week or it may be something wrong at home for example. A little boy in my son's class (he's 3) was known for being disruptive, hitting and saying hurtful things to the other children. It turns out his parents were going through a divorce and he wasn't coping well with the change. The nursery have worked their magic and with a lot of boundaries have stopped a lot of the behaviour. I no longer hear from my son that this boy hit so-&-so. Keep an eye on what is happening and don't give up with the nursery if it continues.