Functioning Alcoholic Post Reply

[InNeedOfAdvice]

Hi

I am fast becoming a functioning alcoholic, alcohol dependent at the very least. Since returning to work full time (and more) in addition to my responsibilities as a wife and mother to two young children, wine has become my coping mechanism of "choice".

Now it's not that I'm turning to drink first thing in the morning, or hiding it in the orange juice, but at the end of the day I turn to the wine as if it were juice and can quite easiely quaff through a bottle a night (more if I don't have to go to work the next day) with or without company.

This is not healthy for either myself or my family and I want to seek advice/help on how to address this before it gets completely out of control. I don't want to become tee-total, enjoying a social drink is an important part of my life. But I need to find a better coping mechanism than "mother's little helper" in the fridge.

Does anyone knowl of any help out there that is not aimed at the full on alcoholic but that is aimed at a functioning professional/mother who has low self control when it comes to the juice in the evening.....

Many thanks
(PS I have signed up under a new user name to that which I normally use on here as I would like to try and keep this as anonymous as possible, as you can imagine, it's not something I'm at all proud of)

[ChicagotoClapham]

Don't have any advice but I just want to say that you're post is wonderful and incredibly brave. Good for you being proactive and working on yourself. I hope you find the help you seek.

[dmsmyth]

I think the only route is professional help, starting with your GP.
This happened to a friend of mine and she also would have described herself as functioning/professional however she drove to the shop to get another bottle of wine having already had one large glass, she crashed her car, was given a 2 year ban and nearly lost her job, she went to AA to get her license back at appeal after 18months, she is now alcohol free by choice.

[AbbevilleMummy]

I agree with previous poster and have had friends and family in a similar situation.

Many people at AA are what you might describe as 'functioning alcoholics'. They are not all unemployed desolates living from one drink to the next!

I'm afraid to say that an alcohol or drug dependency is just that. In the same way that you can't be a little bit pregnant, you can't be a little bit dependant.

Please go see your GP and follow this huge step you have made through. It's going to be a tough time of year for you with the holidays coming up and booze flowing freely so please get some help sooner rather than later.

Feel for you, take care xx

[Jen66]

Only you know how bad your dependency is.

But if, as you say, you are an alcoholic and dependent on the stuff then there's no way you can carry on drinking. You will have to quit. A junkie wouldn't mostly give up but just have a little bit of heroin every now and then.

As others have said, you should seek professional health. If you don't fancy organisations like Promis and AA then maybe it's worth paying to see a private addictions counsellor.

Most people who drink to excess do so for a reason: unhappiness, loneliness, lack of confidence. Maybe you need to identify the reason for your drinking because chances are it's not just to 'de-stress'.

Good luck and, as the old cliché goes, recognising you have a problem is the first big step.

[jg75]

As someone who is very close to a "functioning alcoholic", I can only agree with Jen66 to say that the biggest hurdle is admitting to the world that you have a problem and seeking help. If you can, involve those closest to you as I am sure they will be really desperate to help you and support you to get over this. I have been to an AA meeting to support a friend, and it wasn't her scene, but she was encouraged to see that there were lots of people there that had similar issues to her and were getting over it. I'm afraid that the only way is to go cold turkey so you will need all the support you can get - and I think a counsellor would probably be a good source of support. Good luck, you're being really brave but you can do it!

xx

PS please deal with it now. My friend left it for years and years and it started off with only a bottle of wine in the evening until she became completely dependent.

[tooposhtopush]

well done for admitting that there (might) be an issue.

it's the first (and the hardest) step.

[livegreen]

I guess only you really know and you have to make the decision.

One way to check your level of dependency is to make deliberate decision to never drink on your own and also to have 3-4 alcohol free days per week. Plan your week out. If you are unable to cut back you need to seek professional help. Another suggestion would be to keep an alcohol diary - - it may scare you into action/help.

Good luck

[InNeedOfAdvice]

Thank you everyone, I really appreciate everyone's support and advice. Interestingly enough I did manage a whole 2 weeks (!!!) at the beginning of October completely drink free, so it's not beyond the realms of possibility.

One of the biggest things (aside from the drinking) that also needs to change is my work situation. I work in a very unique and high pressured job that I love dearly but it has to go for the sake of my health, sanity and family. Plans are already in motion to address this over the coming weeks but the extraction process is delicate and will unfortunately take time. Once that pressure is released I do believe the need to drink in order to "cope" will be eased as I will be making steps towards regaining control of my and my families lives, but these are very huge life changes that I need to put in place and I think it would be wise to have some support during the transition process.

I have a GP appt next week, I just hope I can maintain the strength of mind to open my mouth and talk to her about it until then! Thanks again everyone. I appreciate your concern, advice and support.

[secondtimer]

Well done on being brave enough to post here, to recognise that you need to change something and to begin to put those changes in motion.

I am an experienced addictions counsellor and would agree with the PP that many individuals 'self medicate' when they are trying to meet another need. (Freedom from Addiction, by the Human Givens Institute is a good self help text in this area) Next time you wish to drink consider HALT and ask yourself, Am I Hungry? Angry? Lonely? Tired?... you may still end up having a glass of wine but you will become more aware of your triggers.

I would agree with another PP that it can also be hard to cut back and you may find going 'cold turkey' an easier option. AA have a saying that you control the first drink but after that it controls you. That's not to say its impossible though... For example, if you abstained from heavy drinking whilst pregnant then you have personal evidence that you are able to cut back for a prolonged period of time if sufficiently motivated to do so. Writing out some STOP cards or wearing an elastic band that you snap when you go to pour that second glass may be helpful.

The drinks diary on the drinkaware website is a good tool to monitor how many units you are drinking each week and to set yourself goals for alcohol days or unit limits. There are also tips for cutting back on drinking evenings.. for example by alternating with water, drinking weaker wines or diluting using soda water.

Finally, if your GP is able to refer you to a counsellor then CBT (Cognitive Behavoural Therapy) is particularly useful in the field of addictions as it helps you link your thought patterns to your actions. There is a whole heap of CBT self help material on the internet too, I guess some people like to work with a third party and others prefer to do it independently.

I hope this is useful. Best of luck with the job changes and cutting back.

[InNeedOfAdvice]

Thank you - you're right, I did abstain throughout both my preganancies so I am capable, not to mention strong willed. I think the reason I am finding it so hard is that I'm so tired and exhausted from cramming too much into the 24 hours that we have each day that I "don't have sufficient time" (fail to prioritise) to focus on being strong and not drinking, so the automatic default is just to say sod it, get the wine out so I can forget the chaos and pressures of the day! Ridiculous!

I will investigate the advice leads you have given me above. Any help is a step in the right direction! Thank you so much.

[tooposhtopush]

How did you get on last night?

[emsken]

I was in a similar boat and decided to stop drinking at home.. So only drink socially. Was amazing for all aspects of life-highly recommend!

[dudette]

I think there are a lot of people out there who think a bottle a night isn't that much. Honestly, if I drank a bottle (I usually have about a glass a night) it would put me in hospital. I had a friend at university who drank a lot and died of liver failure before she was 40. Well done for admitting this to yourself (and others) and be brave at the GPs. You owe it to your family to look after yourself.

[Braintrainer]

Hi there, if you are worried enough to get therapy but can't face a teetotal life I would recommend finding a Human Givens therapist - they do not subscribe to the same ideas of AA that alcoholism is an incurable disease that can only be controlled by abstinence, but that excessive drinking is a symptom of your human needs not being met.

Neurofeedback (which we do) can also help but alongside therapy. Message me privately if you would like more details.

Stuart