My mother cut my daughters hair without my permission 2022 Post Reply

[rsmith13]

You are certainly correct! Thanks for a different outlook.

[rsmith13]

Thanks for the reply! I couldn’t figure out how to log back in, and then today was thinking about it, lol. I think I was so upset because she has done many things in the past that seemed to overstep boundaries. Right before this happened her husband (she married him when my husband was an adult) had said something much out of line to our older kids when we weren’t around. I think it just made it worse. I do believe she was trying to be helpful, but it was just the last straw.
Anyway, I’ve since created boundaries which she still is having a difficult time with. I’m hoping with time it gets better. She’s very religious and old school in discipline (kids need to be seen not heard or smacked) so it’s just difficult.
Anyway, thanks again and have a great day!

[rsmith13]

Thank you for the reply! My husband did set some boundaries. She’s having a difficult time with it (very type A) but I’m hoping with time we’re all able to get along in a way that’s great for all.

[rsmith13]

I still am sad about it, I wish I knew why. The first haircut has been very emotional for me with all of my children. However, we’ve set boundaries (my MIL, not my mother) and hoping it all works out. Her personality is to be in charge and she doesn’t like when someone doesn’t do things her way. I think I just felt very disrespected because it’s often she would do things without asking that we didn’t want her to do. I do believe she thinks she is being helpful. I liked her very much the six years prior to this happening. I think it was just we didn’t set proper boundaries early. The kids still see her. I would never break up that relationship. Thanks for the reply!

[rsmith13]

Thank you for the reply! I’m still having a difficult time with it, but it’s getting better. I do hope eventually I will get over it. I know it seems so silly to still be upset over it. I usually don’t get upset easily so it’s surprising even to myself. I think it was just like you said overstepping boundaries. I know she was trying to be helpful. You’re so right! I know I’ll do something that’s upsetting when I’m a grandparent. I’ve thought about that often

[rsmith13]

Has she adjusted well? My MIL has since gotten very upset with my husband since we’ve set boundaries. I’ve been trying to put myself in her shoes to understand her point of view. Did you experience these feelings before having children? My husband said she has always tried to be controlling so he has had to go months without speaking to her. I suppose it’s just her personality. I really really liked her the first 6 years I knew her, and over time it just feels like she doesn’t understand when she’s overstepping.

[i am me]

chorister wrote:
> Meanwhile in the real world climate change means it’s a day like September
> in mid November - which might warn you that you and your daughter face far
> bigger challenges than who cuts whose hair.



i know right ?! must be nice not to have real problems/struggles .............

[41london]

Something similar happened to us with our eldest daughter 2 years ago. She was being looked after by her grandparents while we were at a wedding. She was 3 at the time and had her last remaining curls around her face as the rest of her hair had become quite straight - it was very cute. We got home to find her grandmother had cut all her curls off from around her face. It looked dreadful - really bad - very uneven and going quite far back behind the level of her ear from the front of her face (Id say about an inch and a half back on both sides). The hairdresser the next day was actually quite taken aback when we were trying to smoothen it in to the rest of her hair. It took almost 2 years to grow it out to became level with the rest of her hair again and had to clip the front parts up or plait them to keep them up as they were too short to tie back with the rest of her hair (her last haircut finally was the last of the unevenness a few months ago).

The whole thing was horrifying to be honest. We also never got an explanation apart from the 3 yr old said it was okay to do it. When we arrived back she was actually laughing about it as if it was a joke. I was just shocked. It is only hair - it grew back but the thing that really upset me was the fact an adult (whom I had left her with) in a privileged and responsible position could do that to a vulnerable child. My husband did take my horror of the whole situation seriously and after a few days had a discussion with his mum regarding the fact she had seriously over stepped a very privileged boundary. I will never understand why she did it or how she did it, but it did make me realise that she comes from a completely different background in which adults are in control of children - an attitude I was never exposed to growing up and will never subject my children to. I could be wrong but I also think she was treating us like children as well - in that she can over step her boundaries with us, something I never saw her do with her friends or peers.

The one good thing from the whole situation is that it was a light bulb moment for me. Since my kids were born she was extremely critical of everything we did & I always let it slide (whilst getting really annoyed with myself for not standing up to her). We definitely were not perfect parents but its a special thing being a clueless parent - forging your own path in trying to raise these gorgeous kids is part of the joy. Following the haircut I have become really firm on boundaries and unfortunately will never be able to leave the kids alone with her again. However things have definitely gotten better, the criticisms are there but less frequent and they don't bother me as much as I now stand my ground regarding the way I want to do things. The kid's grandmother is still very present in their lives, we holiday with her, keep in regular touch and the kids love her dearly. It was a horrible thing to happen though and I am so sad to hear it has happened to others.