Pregnant and just found out he is married. Post Reply

[ClaireJayne]

I really really want to tell her but resisting my inner **** to do it, the weekend was difficult, I was really angry and upset, threw a few things around the house, calmed down, then went for a facial, threw so more things (mostly his stuff), did a bit of Facebook stalking and then went bed. I just want to rip his face off. I believe in Karma too, just hoping the baby does not inherit any toff banker genes.

[jnakiwala]

I so know how you feel, because I know me being me I would probably would have said something by now! It's so tempting! As for the Facebook stalking, yep, I would have done that too. And throwing things around also! It's just so hard. Do you have anybody that you can talk to on a regular basis to just let it all out whenever you need to. My poor mum was always at the receiving end because I was so livid and full of anger.x

[ClaireJayne]

My mother said it could be worse, I could be the poor women who actually married him, not sure who I am more pissed at, him for being a charming **** or me for not noticing (and missing him)

[jnakiwala]

God, I would really hate to be her! She has taken him back after previous infidelity. I think you are both better off without this dude! I would love to see the day when his karma comes back on him! He won't know what's hot him! It's only natural that you miss him, and you were never to know that he was married. Men are very good at lying (not all men, but some are) and its a shame because he gives a bad name to all the good men out there!x

[ClaireJayne]

Not been on here for a while but all bodes well, its taken me this long to stop being so angry. Bubs and I are doing fine and as for him, well guess who just lost his job in the city. I guess that's Karma

[Superjanny]

Bless you Sweetheart. Stay strong and keep us posted on how you are. We all care about you now. xxx

[lawrence]

WOW!!!!
SHOCKING....good luck..,keep ur lovely baby and tell his wife,she deserves to know before to late for her as well.
At least she can get away before no children involved.
Good luck,you will be fine.
xxxx

[ClaireJayne]

Thanks for your kind words. I really have to get off the internet as I keep finding stuff that I really do not want to know about, about her, about thier marriage. I fluctuate between wanting to tell her and not, so not to sure what to do about that...............

[ellta]

Speaking as someone who's husband has cheated - I would want to be told especially now there is a child involved. She deserves to be able to make here decisions in an informed way. It always upset me that I wasn't given that- I chose to stay with him after a year separated and lots of effort on his part/ counselling. But I feel it was my decision based on all information (or most anyway, it is a situation based on lies and there are some thing I'll never know). I know some people who wish they'd never found out but a child, i feel, changes that. She deserves to be given the chance to move on to find someone to have a family with. Don't expect to be thanked for it though! Ultimately do it for her as the other wronged party, not out any revenge.

And good luck with the baby! Best thing you will ever do even with all this trauma and heartache.

[ClaireJayne]

Our baby does change everything and to be honest if there was no baby I would of just told him to sod off but I expect him to be a part of our his/her life, just not sure how to do that if she does not know but having said that I have no intentions of just showing up on the door step, knocking on the door and saying 'say hi to your husband's baby' I think I do need to tell her especially now that I was doing a bit of snooping on google (I know, the shame of it ) and found their wedding photos and she just looks so happy.

[emsken]

Whilst i am not sure turning up and telling the wife is the ideal scenario, as the wife, presuming she knows nothing of his behaviour, I think i would rather know before i got pregnant if they are trying!!!

What a horrid situation and i really feel for you - he is a real SOB and deserves payback!

[ClaireJayne]

The SOB told me straight to my face that I would not make a good mother, not under these circumstances...........so apparently I am not worthy of his sperm!

[Sandimous]

How are you doing? Do you feel like you are getting prepared for the baby? When the baby comes it takes so much of your energy and time, you may not be able to really do much else other than care for the baby and get by day to day. If you decide to tell the wife, do it as early as possible so that you aren't dealing with any fallout from that near your birth or after the baby comes. You'll want things to be as settled and low-stress as possible at that point.

[mummy_dani]

My sister was cheated on (her ex had numerous affairs though) and they have a young child. She wasn't told by anyone but found incriminating evidence dating back to when their baby was only 3 weeks old and up to 3 years old. She's so glad she found out before she had another child with him, which they were talking about doing. Based on what she's been through, I'm sure his wife would rather know (in the long term if not initially).

Anyways, on a happier note, when is your baby due?!

[Wandsworth Mummy]

Hi Claire

Following your post with great interest (sorry)! The advice you've been given is very helpful!
Having been with a husband who was a cheating B@@stard, I would want to know. I think you should fill his wife in on what a nasty piece of work she's married to. Give her an 'out' before she has to consider any kiddies of her own.
I rocked on up to the door of my ex's 'lover'. He was there at the time and both of them nearly cr@pped themselves, but it was the best thing I ever did! They can't talk their way out of anything when you catch them red handed!!
Atleast she can make the call once she is in the know. I think she deserves that.

Good luck!

WM