Pregnant and just found out he is married. Post Reply

[ally30_1998]

If he is local and you intend him to be involved as a father then, if you don't tell her, she is bound to find out one way or another in the years to come. Stuff like that rarely stays hidden for very long.
If he is to be involved, then she should know whats going on - what she decides to do with the information is her business - but she at least deserves to know of any half siblings that are about if she does stick with him and go on to have children.
Frankly, the man sounds like a complete waste of space anyway, so you may well be doing her a huge favour. He's clearly very plausible as he fooled you and he's currently fooling her, and no doubt he's done it before and will do it again.
Are you *sure* you want this man anywhere near your child?!
Anyway - belated congratulations on becoming a mum - it's a fantastic journey.

[ClaireJayne]

Is he local? mmmmmmmm is three bus stops away considered local I hear what you are saying though, secrets like this have a habit of surfacing anyway. I want him in bubs life but I would be lying if I said I wanted her in it, I'm really pissed off at her, god knows why when its him who is the issue. I did see him, saw him on Wednesday, we had dinner together. Very impressed that someone can have dinner with a pregnant women and not mention the baby especially as its his. I'm dreading Christmas.

[ellta]

Then what DID you talk about if not the baby? Otherwise why are you having dinner with him? Angry at his wife for (according to posts so far) nothing she has done? Sounds like you still have feelings for him that you probably need to work out in therapy of some sort? I would imagine navigating all the hurt and difficulties this situation is going to produce (before the exhaustion of a newborn) is going to be horribly tough. I would want to be talking to someone about all of this. Good luck

[Karin1979]

Good question Bel12000!!

It strikes me that you are hoping he leaves his wife and all this can be swiped under the carpet!! If he is so so awful, as you say .. Why on Earth would you even consider having dinner together! You say he didn't talk about the baby, did you bring it up, if you did and he didn't wan to know, did you get up and leave?
Maybe it's me, and I have misunderstood your motive ..

Best of luck whatever you do!

[kiwimummy]

i thought i might be the only one disquieted by the OP's last post. i think you're angry at the wrong person. the person you should be angry with is the person you had lunch with.

don't get me wrong, i wish you all the best in a very difficult situation and think the dad to be has behaved abominably. but please don't get drawn into being upset with his wife. some counselling might not be a bad idea.

[ClaireJayne]

I agree, I read my last post and thought to myself that I sounded like a prat sometimes I think I would rather be with him than be alone (which makes me sound like more of a prat) the irony being of course that he has not suggested that as an option, so I am just being a prat.

[BalhamMumWorkingFT]

I haven't posted in this because I just can't imagine or relate. However, I am hoping you have a fantastic Christmas.

[Alicky]

Hi
I'm really very sorry to hear about your situation and I hope you had a good Christmas despite all you have been through. You must be excited about the baby though?
I do agree with the previous post responses - I think it is important you tell his wife, as I feel it will also help you move on. Obviously, the impact on him will be huge, but you need to be strong. He is stringing both of you along, and until he realises he can't treat people like this and get away with it, he will continue to do it. Once you see her, and see that he is married I feel it will help you see him for who he really is - for ages you've seen him as a faithful boyfriend, and it's a huge shock to find out otherwise but I feel a bit like you are deceiving yourself by meeting up with him etc, and not talking about the baby. As mush as you miss him, you need to look after yourself and your baby and acknowledge how he has treated you. You will be doing his wife a huge favour too, and it's better that you are honest with her than let her find out about it herself (he will clearly never tell her!!).
Anyway, take care and I hope the new year brings you a lot of happiness with your new baby.

[silent_bob]

Hi there, just thought I'd throw in my 2 cents. Reading all this a few things strike me:
1 - you still have feelings for him which is understandable
2 - he should be the one to tell his wife but he never will
3 - getting support from him for your baby is going to be difficult whilst this is all still a secret

The things is, before you were pregnant you didn't know he was married, so seeing him was ok. Now you do know, so by continuing to see him you are essentially a willing participant in an affair. I think it's very unfair that he has put you in that situation.

For your child's sake, you need to get his support on a legal basis. So you definitely need a lawyer to officially demand child support.

The second question is - do you tell the wife? Well, if you get a lawyer involved then she will find out anyway. But it may be good for you to tell her. You have both been treated terribly by this man and meeting her may help you to realise the reality of what is going on.

In short, your child deserves a legally secured future. The wife deserves to know the truth. He needs to be held responsible for his actions. And yiu should not be emotionally blackmailed into being an accomplice to his indefensible actions.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

[SusieL]

Hi ClaireJayen,

Saw the first timers post and thought of you. You must either have a new baby or be very close. Just wondered how you are getting on? Hope everything settled down and you are enjoying your baby x

[sparkletiger]

Ditto
X

[NYE31]

You poor thing, I would definitely get some legal advice as if he is being this awful now, then this doesn't bode well for the future. As for telling his wife, she will find out either from his 2 timing or he'll have to justufy the payments. You have so much to worry about that you probably don't need the extra stress of what his or her reaction to you telling her might be.

My hideous ex fiance went awol 2 weeks before our Wedding & then against the advice of EVERYONE I gave him another chance a few months later, I found out I was pregnant & that he was cheating on me whilst we were supposed to be buying a house together. I had a miscarriage, possibly due to all the stress & I moved on. Over a decade later, I am married to a wonderful man, have the most gorgeous 9 month old baby son & we are keen to have number 2.

So please do take care of yourself & consider all the options, you are only 36 (not 56) & being a single Mum would be hard. One of my best friends is a single mum as her husband left her just after baby number 2 as he'd been cheating with someone at work.

I would tell your close friends - you need all the support you can & whoever this vile man is, I think he is truly vile.

Good luck x

[silviahm]

Hi

Any updates? It's been quite a few months, you must have either had the baby or be due any moment. Unless you took the abortion option, which would be totally understandable.

Hope you're ok
(((((Hugs)))))
Silvia

[Karin1979]

Hi - just wondered if you are ok? Big hug x