Nanny boyfriend rules Post Reply

[3boys]

I'm about to hire a fabulous young Australian nanny however she has asked if her boyfriend can stay over for 3 nights every other week. I don't want to seem like her mother but I don't think it would be appropriate especially as it might confuse my son having so many new people in the house. I'm expecting n a couple of weeks so there's lots of change going on. I also wouldn't know this person and would feel uncomfortable knowing he was in the house. Does any one else have rules concerning boyfriends/ friends staying over. Am I being too draconian?

[3boys]

Do you let your nanny have boyfriends over to stay the night/ weekend? Is it too draconian to have house rules that state no visitors after 11pm weeknights? Desperate to find out what is acceptable when hiring a young live in nanny. Personally I don't like the idea of having random young men staying in my house, what do you think? Many thanks for your thoughts.

[coldatchristmas]

this is really tough

a friend of mine was quite liberal with her nanny and her boyfriend and then they ended up in the situation where everyone could, ahem, HEAR them at night

More seriously, and this for me is the clincher, she would bump into the b/friend on the landing in the wee small hours and that she felt, was just wrong. He hasn't been vetted to be near the kids, what would/could happen if he decided to go wandering in the night etc

I would say absolutely not.

[susiep23]

I agree with above. I work as a nanny myself starting a live in job soon with a new family.

Whilst it hasnt been ruled out of my boyfriend visiting possibly staying (not dicussed really), i havent brought up staying over for the reason I wouldnt want to make my new nanny family uncomfortable, also as mentioned above boyfriends guests are not vetted so again for this reason you have a definate choice not to allow overnight guests.

I have told my new family I will see my boyfriend outside of work hours outside the home once or twice a week where available to go for dinner or whatever and he will go home that night, then I see him at the weekends and this i feel is more approprate/professional and should be the case for others. ( I do get the option to go home however at the weekends and can understand for live in nannies with nowhere else to go may be different circumstances).

At the end of the day you're nanny lives in you're house for free with no bills or costs so you are well within you're rights to set a few ground rules regards guests/visitors this is how i see it as an employee to a family.

susie

[susiep23]

I work as a nanny myself starting a live in job soon with a new family.

Whilst it hasnt been ruled out of my boyfriend visiting possibly staying (not dicussed really), i havent brought up staying over for the reason I wouldnt want to make my new nanny family uncomfortable, also as mentioned above boyfriends guests are not vetted so again for this reason you have a definate choice not to allow overnight guests.

I have told my new family I will see my boyfriend outside of work hours outside the home once or twice a week where available to go for dinner or whatever and he will go home that night, then I see him at the weekends and this i feel is more approprate/professional and should be the case for others. ( I do get the option to go home however at the weekends and can understand for live in nannies with nowhere else to go may be different circumstances).

At the end of the day you're nanny lives in you're house for free with no bills or costs so you are well within you're rights to set a few ground rules regards guests/visitors this is how i see it as an employee to a family.

susie

E-mail susiep23

[Goldhawk]

I would say no
You are providing accommodation and food for her only
She could stay at his place instead

[BritishNanny]

What a cheek, as a nanny I wouldn't dream of asking! Especially not even started the job yet..

Could be the start of many expected things!

[SJ1979]

We have an live in au pair and there is NO way I'd be happy about her bringing a boyfriend back to stay in her room.

With a newborn about to arrive, I can well imagine it's the last thing you need right now and not to mention the things such as would he expect breakfast / showers etc when he does stay over?!

I think you will have to be firm about this from the start if you are not comfortable and she can stay at his if it's a problem.

[ckwmum]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

So wrong to ask, especially with a newborn on the way! I agree with goldhawk she can stay at his, and if she can't for whatever reason then they can work something out themselves.

[Annabel (admin)]

Hi Everyone
I noticed that Gnu had posted her question twice and there were replies to both posts - obviously a great question!

So I've merged the threads, so don't be confused if there seem to be more answers!

A

ps by the way, I wouldn't let them stay over

[Wandsworth Mummy]

I let my nannys boyfriend stay over but he's always gone by the morning. I certainly wouldn't have been happy if she'd asked me if he could stay over 3 nights every other week, before even starting working for
us. She often stays at his and he only stays over say once a week at most. Also, she had worked for us for quite a few months before she asked us so we got to know both of them quite well prior to the first night.
She's more of a family member to us and she respects our family and
home so it hasn't been an issue. He never showers at ours or has breakfast etc, infact he leaves so early in the morning (he's a personal trainer) that I don't even hear him and he never wakes our children.
I would tell her that you need to see how she goes in the job before you will consider having her boyfriend over to stay.

Good luck!

[kathryn.photographer]

As a nanny for the past 20 years I've always had a rule myself about boyfriends... they don't come into the house unless my boss invites them and certainly never stay over. My first boss set that rule back when I was 18, because she had let her previous nanny have her boyfriend stay over, they liked him. Yet the next they didn't like so much so she decided the rule no boyfriends. I've personally always stuck by it and feel it's professional, maybe I'm being old fashioned but I think it's a good rule to stick by.

[shafeenan]

Re boyfriends. You should follow your instincts. I had any number of nannies and aupairs, in other words live-in help. We always said no to boyfriends - who wants to be bumping into a strange young man in the mornings? Why would you want to fund his showers, probably washing too, and possible breakfast three mornings a week? I don't think you are being 'parental' in saying no. SHE lives with you HE does not. If they want to sleep over they can do it at his place as long as she is back when you want her.
Just to strengthen your resolve: a friend allowed one particular boyfriend to stay over and within three months the girl was pregnant and off home again. Another said yes to a boyfriend staying when they were away on holiday and they came back to find the entire house STRIPPED. Worse, they had left the dog and cat to fend for themselves with no way of getting out into the garden.
You take someone into your house on trust - a tremendous amount of trust. You don't need to be jumping through hoops for 'add-ons'.
Sorry if that makes me sound judgemental, but experience tells me you are right to stick to your guns.
N

[littletomatos]

Hi there,

I have been living and working as an au pair with the same family in Balham more than 2.5 years. My host family and I never set up this kind of rules as what they said was we are gonna live together and everybody needed to lose a bit of their privacy life when i started to work with them. They know my boyfriend very well. On top of that, they know and trust me more than anything else. I guess that's why they let my boyfriend stay over at their house. The other thing is that I look after 2 boys and they really get on well with him and play with him all the time as, I'm a young lady and sometimes they need to a man/boy to play with or mesure their strengh.

In my view and what I learnt from my host family that It's all about relationship between you and your family. After that it doesnt matter how is coming or going.

thanks.

[funNanny24]

I am a nanny, and I was working in a live in position before.After about 5-6month my family started to know my friends personally.They new I had a boyfriend and they were fine with it.I isn't even asked them that he can stay over it was out of question for me.I think being proffesional it's obvious you don't do that.I spent my weekends at my boyfriends place and came back Monday morning for the time I normally start.So they were comfortable with my releationship and was nothing to do with him at all.Long after they new my friends they invite them to come over sometime and if my family went out for the weekend my friends were welcome to come over and stay for the weekend.Only thing they asked not to break anything expensive:) That was all fairly working an I was happy about it and I would not ask more than that because I wanted to respect their trust in me.So first I think you have to soo how you wt along with your nanny and is she reliable or not and then let her to do things in your house what you are comfortable with.
But be careful because somethimes after break ups nannies are useless (personal experience) so you need to be firm not let tem brings all their personal lives and emotions in your family.They have to deal with it or ask you to chat about it but can't affect their work.
Good Luck!