Would you want to know if your partner had an affair? Post Reply

[titfortat]

Not by proudest moment, but I've been seeing with a man who I realised several weeks into our relationship had a long term partner. I'm a relatively recent single mum. 

If I am being honest I pursued him more than the other way around but he was keen and no way gave me any indication he was in a long term relationship.

A few months on it is clear that he has had his fun and wants to call it off. This is fine, but I feel very cross that he thinks he can have his cake and eat it.

I am wondering whether to tell his partner what he has been up to? I know that some of the blame has to lie with me but I'm single. If I was his partner I would want to know. 

Would welcome any helpful thoughts.  

[coldatchristmas]

Not sure why you think it is your place to tell his partner.

If I have read your post correctly, you didn't know when you pursued him that he had a partner but even when you did know you carried on helping him to wreck his relationship. 

Walk away and keep silent.
 

[cookie jar]

As someone who very nearly walked down the aisle with a serially unfaithful partner, yes I would want to know.
Very painful at the time but now with a new partner I couldn't be more glad. J

Huge caveat, not sure I would want to hear it from one half of the 'other' couple.

[betterannabel]

I'm not convinced playing god in people's lives is a great idea, hun. 

But if it were me, I would want to know. Make sure you have plenty of receipts though as you might not be believed.

[HenryHoover]

I am sure that you mean well but in my humble opinion you just sound as though you want to get your own back on this man. If you really cared about his partner you would have walked away long ago.

I'm just not sure what good comes of you interfering.

[Starr]

Probably yes I would want to know if I'd been cheated on. But not to hear it from you, but him. Also you say you pursued him more so perhaps just accept it wasn't more than what it was and move on.

[ceecee12]

I wouldn’t say anything. It’s his responsibility to tell his partner. There is a saying which says not to reveal your sins or the sins of others and only those who have witnessed it should be the ones to tell. It’s a heavy burden to manage but revenge is not sweet when you can ruin someone’s life and their mental health. Make peace with yourself and concentrate on healing your self. If you’re asked by her then tell the truth otherwise be at peace and move on.

[MAAC]

Maybe she does know but chooses to turn a blind eye.
This man may be a cheater but it only he and his partner know how their relationship works. Maybe it is better for them to work it out between them with or without the knowledge of your affair.
Move along. When you’re ready to find someone good and kind, you will.

[firsttimerSW11]

Your question and your motivation for telling her seem to be two very different things.

You've been hurt by this guy and you want to get back at him. You are trying to justify telling her by having a group of strangers on the internet tell you that she'd want to know and you'd be doing the right thing by telling her.

Would she want to know? Who knows. But you don't really care do you, she's just the unwitting pawn in your attempt to get back at him and trying to justify to yourself that she'd want to know.
His wife has done nothing wrong and it's not your place to tell her.

This guy is an asshole, there's no doubt about it.  Sorry you were misfortunate enough to meet someone like this and that you got hurt. But wrecking another woman's marriage isn't up to you. Her husband seems well able to do this on his own.
Be the bigger person and walk away. Leave his wife - the innocent party in all of this - out of it.