Stay in London or move out?? Post Reply

[milliemolliemilo]

Hello, I am writing this as my husband and I have come to a predicament and can't decide whether to move out of London to Surrey or stay in SW London...

I expect so many people have to decide whether to take the leap or not... We do not have children yet. I work from home and my husband works in the City and is happy to commute (from a direct BR station).

We have been thinking about Epsom/Guildford areas. But we don't know these areas... We both grew up in the country and are concerned about bringing children up in London.

Does anyone have friends who have moved out or have moved out themselves?
or
How did you decide to stay in London and start a family here?

Any stories/thoughts would be much appreciated! Thank you

[CornishMummyinLondon]

I totally understand the dilemma you are having as this is a conversation that my husband and I have all the time. He is from Surrey, the Epsom area, and is keen to move out either that way or near Guildford, and I am very keen to stay here, at least for the time being. We are a little bit ahead of you, we have a nearly five year old (she's in reception), a three year old and a 5 month old. I have LOVED having my babies around here. There are so many things to do with young children, and so many other mums so there are no end of new people to meet. You can leave your house every day without ever having to get in a car and there is always someone available to meet up with you if you are having a bad day with the kids.

My husband is keen to move as he feels that very few people stay in London for the longhaul and he is keen to put down roots and for the children to feel some sense of belonging to where they are from (something I have a strong sense of being from Cornwall so I do understand his point). He'd also like a much bigger garden, and cheaper schools.

I am arguining however that life is great for us right now, with lots of friends around us, great schools and nurseries and a very short commute into the City for him. I think there are plus and minuses to everywhere you live, and the fresh air and bigger gardens of the countryside are appealing, but right now, with a young family, and being the one who is at home all day, I am very keen to stay put. I expect we will move one day, but I'd ideally like to hang on here at least until my youngest starts school... We shall see who wins this one!

Good luck with your decision making. I know how hard it is!

[KatherineHepburn]

I couldn't imagine living anywhere else. I love this beautiful, culturally diverse city. Children who grow up here are so lucky, they have so much on their doorstep.
British Museum, Science Museum, (all the museums!), zoos, children only play areas, fantastic swings, 1pm clubs, great libraries, the river, millions of children inspired events that take place each year, the Commons and our beautiful parks we are so very lucky.
I have one soon to be 3 year old and twins on the way and the support network I have here, the local friendly faces and the excellent schools will mean that I am happily staying put!
It is utterly depressing when we visit family out of London and there is NOTHING to do that doesn't seem to involve a car, or an 'out of town' play zone or cinema /super market complex...and generally crap, badly maintained swings.
Give me the City any day.
Maybe it's because I'm a Londoner??....

[schoolgatesmum]

The dilemma faced by so many! We have been through this as a family as well - I am a city girl through and through and my husband was brought up in the countryside so always imagined that's where he would end up. We looked on and off for years and I finally persuaded him that what we would give up would no way be outweighed by what we would gain. For him, the countryside meant community - but let's face it, there is way more community here than in the majority of villages where everyone commutes and goes to the out of town shopping centres. He also had memories of playing football in the fields with friends and no adult supervision - my 10 year old son now does that on the common (he also walks to school with his mates). The amount of things that my children have access to here is phenomenal and it's not going to be long until my eldest will be able to jump on a bus and head up west. The only thing which I conceded that the countryside has is bigger gardens - so we moved to a house with a 60ft garden here in SW11! And it's not far to drive out of London into the countryside for days out. We will be staying here as will a lot of our friends - not everyone moves out and with the opening of Bolingbroke Academy we even have a secondary school option in SW11.

[MrsAmanda]

We've very recently made the leap and moved!

To be frank, we were priced out of Balham. I wanted a 4bed house, with decent garden and to be able to park outside my own front door - not have to do battle with the other residents of the Victorian terraces. Without a 7-figure budget, I couldn't find what I wanted.

We now have a 2500sq ft house, with quarter acre garden. And our own driveway!

Husband works at London Bridge, the trains take 24 mins, as opposed to 19 mins from Clap Sth. And he says the commute is infinitely preferable to being crammed on the Northern line. He season ticket is obviously more expensive, but that's balanced by my son's nursery being £50 a day cheaper.

One of the principal reasons for moving is schooling. We can't afford to educate them both privately and getting into a state school seems such a lottery. When I asked, I was told we were probably not going to get into the nearest primary. Even here, the village primary's over-subscribed, but we're local enough to get a place. Later on, we might have to go into battle for grammar school, but that's not all-consuming just yet

There are things I miss, it's miles to the nearest coffee shop, but I've bought an espresso machine! I miss everything being within a short stroll or bus hop, but those are compromises worth making for our circumstances. We'vebentley been in the village for days, but there is a strong parent/children network who've made me very welcome.

[supergirl]

We were in the same situation 18months ago. We were considering Lewes as I didnt want to move out to be in the commuter belt, personal preference. I am a city girl but i know i can learn to love to live in the countryside.
BUT we decided to stay in battersea for a few reasons, which meant a compromise on the size of the house/garden (the house i viewed in lewes for less money: 5/6 bedrooms, detached, huge garden, basement, big kirchen, 2 reception rooms, etc!!!):
1. When you are out of london, we found that you are in England... Well being both foreigners we didnt want to raise our children in england; and it makes travelling abroad easier;
2. My husband would have had a longer commute which meant not able to see the children in the morning when they wake up (7am) before he leaves for work (7.20) and for him these 20min are paramount;
3. Having been myself in london for 7yrs, i have now a very good social life with people and network and friends that i have built over the yrs and who almost all are in london. I absolutely love my life here and i didnt want to start again... Selfish i know but my sanity is important
4. We absolutely cannot stand having to drive for fresh croissants and bagels (children favourite) at the we, when we have a fab bakery accross the main road. We do not have a car and dont miss it.

My advice is make s list of what is important for you, prioritise and a list of things you are happy to compromise on. And see which area answers most of your criterias.
Good luck, tough one. Sx

[fionaashton-kerr]

We too faced this dilemma but after much thought we decided to stay in south London and we are really glad we did. Although you can get more bang for your buck in the country we love having everything right on our doorstep. No long drives just for a coffee. The oppotunities in London far outweigh those in the countryside and the ease in which one can get around is very handy. Ok my eldest has been mugged 3 times but they get over it. Overall we feel very safe here. Also what is there to do in the countryside here theres always something going on and I for one love the hustle and the bustle of it all.

[milliemolliemilo]

Wow, thank you for your sharing your experiences with me. It is great to read your stories knowing you have been through the same dilemma. It is so helpful to hear of the additional things to consider for when we have children. I am quite relieved to learn that this is a dilemma faced by so many and it is not just us being indecisive! It is lovely to hear you are all settled and happy and have no regrets

[daisyb]

So great to read everyone's views as I keep toying in my head whether we should move out but I keep coming back to the thought that we are all really happy hear and why rock the boat!! The grass is always greener!! The only thing I find really hard is that friends keep moving out, which is upsetting for me and my girls, but also it makes me think - maybe we should do the same?? But very reassuring that you guys love the great points about where we live like I do! SW London rocks xx

[dandelion53]

"Ok my eldest has been mugged 3 times but they get over it." !!
We are also mulling this decision over and this is why we will probably move to a nicer, safer area. Its a vibrant area for adults but there are frequent posts on here about muggings, burglaries, car breakins etc. For children it is just too 'urban' in my view. Yes London is on their doorstep but is that necessarily a good thing for a young teenager? So they will have to become very streetwise fast, avoid being mugged or stabbed, be able to buy drugs much more easily, jump on a bus and be in central London in 30mins not necessarily with your permission... They just aren't old enough to make wise choices or know how to deal with the people that inevitably inhabit a large city.
I'd rather live somewhere a bit more inconvenient for me, a bit further from central London and take the children into town myself to see/do things. Even just suburbia...
There is a little bubble of extreme wealth in this area and people feel 'safe' and in their own community but a) you have to be able to own a 7 figure value house to live in the nice bits/get into the schools/afford to go private and b) its a false sense of security. People get mugged, houses get broken into and its not a 'village' its a rich area bordered by really poor areas.

[KatherineHepburn]

Oh dandelion, what a view!
Do you honestly believe that 'bad' things only happen in cities??

I spent a good portion of my teenage years in St.Albans, considered by many to be a nice, genteel place to bring up kids. But there were still break-ins, muggings, rapes, murders etc etc
In fact there was also a huge issue with under-age drinking too as the young teenagers had nowhere else to go but the pubs!

London is a group of villages, some affluent, some not, some with a great community spirit (not always linked to affluence), some not.
People don't change just because they live in a small town. Better to be somewhere where there are lots of things going on for teenagers and kids than nothing at all....

[dandelion53]

I know I'm only looking on the negative side. But my view is that the positives are for adults and the negatives make it an unattractive place to bring up children (for me). Of course crime doesn't only happen in cities but it is much more likely to and even more likely to in London.

With very young children under 5 these aspects aren't that much of a big deal, and yes there is loads going on and a good support network, but wait until your children (especially if you have a son) are 5-10, going to school, much more aware of their surroundings and influenced by their peers. Many people with children that age leave the area either because they are priced out or want a greener area or good state secondary options. Very affluent people stay because they cocoon themselves with private schools, huge cars etc.

It doesn't have to be inner London or the depths of the country where nothing happens. Outer London is much greener and nicer with easy access to all that central london has to offer. And the mix of people and their wealth is much less polarised.

[KatherineHepburn]

But where do you mean by Outer London?
Harpenden? St.Albans? Watford? Guildford?
Have you seen the teenagers out on Watford High Street on a Friday or Saturday night?
I totally get what you are saying about affluence, but we're a one wage family, we drive a small 2nd hand car and due to the growing family are now having to rent out our wee house and rent locally and fingers crossed our children will all be state educated for both primary and secondary as there are so many really good schools around here.
I just don't get the 'moving out because it's better for the kids' argument.

I have friends escaping Watford - I get that! But the sense of community here would be so hard to give up. As would having the world on your doorstep.

If the other half ever gets fed up of city life I have offered to move to Wimbledon Village or Richmond...does that count as moving out?
Just have to win the lottery first though.

[tooposhtopush]

HAS to be London!

I spent some time in Woking and the slack-jawed inhabitants of the Wetherspoons there were awful!

Human life is everywhere, at least in Nappy Valley you can get a good latte whilst you look at it

TPTP

PS seriously, half of my friends who move out WANT to come back but then can't afford it. The big difference is those who REALLY move out and by that I mean Somerset or France.

[milliemolliemilo]

I really did not want to start a political debate on here...

Many of us seem to be in this predicament and if those choose to stay in London, I am sure it is not for those reasons Dandelion. Yes, SW London is a very very nice area of London and does attract affluent people but it has a huge diverse mix all people too. That is what makes London so unique. I do agree with Katherinehepburn on this one. I grew up in Norfolk and there was trouble there too. It happens everywhere.

It can be seen from this site alone, that people in this area are incredably friendly, supportive and open minded. They have been kind enough to help me, yet they don't know me from Adam.

Not everyone who stays in London live in a 7 figure house, privately educate their children and drive huge cars. Some may, thats fine. If others can't accept that then maybe they should move out. Everyone has their own reasons in deciding to stay and it is not nice to assume or judge.

It seems from what most are saying on here, it has been a difficult dicision for them stay. Some of us may not have the support of family, some of us may not have loads of money, some of us may find we are restricted to London because of illness or disability, some of us may need to ensure we have the support of a close knit community, some of us may need to have access to specialist hospitals, some of us may not drive and need good public transport.

As long as it works for the individual couple and their children and their life and they are good people who work hard and respect the rest of the community where ever they live, who cares.