Baby won't sleep in the daytime - please help! Post Reply

[hjm]

Can anyone help me please? I have a 3 months old baby. He sleeps reasonably well at night, but he is terrible in the daytime. Getting him to sleep is not a problem, but getting him to stay asleep is. He won't sleep for longer than 45 minutes (which I know is a baby's natural sleep cycle) and often he sleeps for only 20 minutes. He is then falls asleep during his feed and/or is a complete grump as he's tired.

I can sometimes get him back to sleep, but it takes around 20 minutes to resettle him and he only stays asleep for around 5 minutes at a time. I have tried everything I can think of and have read lots of different books and tried many different tecniques without success.

This is really getting me down as it means I never have any time to myself and it's impossible for me to sleep in the day. I have an older child and it was not like this with her.

I am now at the stage where I think I need to get a maternity nurse in to help me for a few days, as clearly something I am doing is not right. Can anyone recommend anyone? I would be eternally grateful.

[blueyedgirl32]

Hi ,what is the babies routine ? I have my nneb and maternity qual also ive just gained but im really good with babies of this age,it may be feeding probs,ie wind disturbing the baby.buzz me if u want some advice or help im on 07906896499 ,laura

[TinyTiptoes]

Hi there,

I am a baby sleep specialist and I do a lot of work with mums and babies with sleeping problems very similar to this one. There are lots of questions that need to be asked regarding routine, feeding etc. If you would llike to talk more then please drop me an email at info@tinytiptoes.co.uk. You can also visit my website for an idea of ways of helping http://www.tinytiptoes.co.uk. I hope you manage to sort it soon!

[Hattie]

Do have a look at my website and, if you think I can help, I'll be happy to come and do a simple 2 hour session with you before you go down the maternity nanny route. Some simple tweaks in the routine may be all that's needed.

[millymoo]

Hello HJM, I am really feeling for you as I am going through exactly the same thing with my 6 month old who only sleeps for 30 mins at a time during the day and is not a good sleeper at night either. I too have a toddler and didn't experience this with her so I am wondering what is going wrong this time around. I am trying the "EASY" routine without much success but as I am looking after my older child full time, I have to stick to many of her activities and routine otherwise she is difficult to handle too!

I don't have any opportunity to rest during the day and I currently feel as though I am in a "tunnel of exhaustion" with no end in sight!

I do hope you manage to get something sorted out and would love to hear any tips you may have to pass on. Do PM me if you would like to meet up and share war stories.

Camilla

[lalectrice]

Please do beware of sleep training and especially anyone advocating crying-related techniques, especially for a child as young as 3 months. There is abundant evidence from neuroscientific research and the work of developmental psychologists that such techniques are extremely ill-advised and, frankly, damaging. (If you're interested, message me and I will happily elaborate, with references!)

My baby was the same as yours - 3x 20-30 min catnaps was typical for her at that age. I understand and sympathise hugely with your desperation to escape and have some time for yourself, but perhaps your very young baby just isn't quite ready to be on their own for a longer period of time. Have you tried lying down with your baby and/or having them sleep on your chest while you catch up with emails, shop online, read, rest etc? This can prove really precious, intimate time during what is a very brief period in your baby's life. Or try a sling/baby carrier if you need to do stuff in the house.

That may not be your cup if tea, of course - but don't fall into the trap of believing the sleep trainers' mantra that you have to 'teach' your child to self-settle and move through sleep cycles by themselves. This is utter rubbish in cognitive/developmental terms - your baby will self-settle when they are ready. (My daughter did and she started out as an appalling sleeper, waking very regularly through the night as well.)

You've probably read it, but Elizabeth Pantley's 'The No-Cry Nap Solution' is quite useful. This resource (info for parents, affiliated to Durham University's Parent-Child Sleep Lab) is a good, neutral guide to the facts about baby sleep habits, sleep training etc: isisonline.org.uk

Good luck.

[SFMC]

I would highly recommend reading Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr.Weissbluth. My sister gave it to me and it is really helpful. You can skip the parts that don't apply to you (first bits) if , as I imagine, you are very tired and don't want to read whole chapter.

I made the mistake of keeping my baby up for too long. I think you are suppose to keep them up no longer than 2 hours when they are very young. so maybe try putting your little one to sleep 1 1/2 hours after he/she is up in the morning. and keep applying this rule.
He teaches that sleep begets sleep. So the more tired your baby is the more likely your baby will wake up earlier...it becomes a bad cycle. Weirdly it goes against instinct but the more tired they are, the less likely babies sleep. I recall he also accounts for different types of babies as some are fussier than others or perhaps had colic.

Also I loved the book "Your baby week by week" as it gave a rough guide of pattern your baby has for sleep and feeding each week. It is very readable. I would skip ahead and look at when my baby would sleep longer in the night.
Saved my sanity.

Good luck. You are hitting the the tough 3/4 month sleep deprivation period. it gets much better from 5 months onwards!!

[2009Kat]

Hello - can't offer any tips but just some reassurance as my second son was EXACTLY the same. No 1 was a real routine little man and No 2 just wasn't. He just wouldn't nap for longer than 20/45 mins. My sanity was keeping toddler in his routine. However he grew out of it and by around 7 months was taking a nap in the morning and then good nap after lunch (no idea whether what I did had any effect on this, it just happened...) although this was the time that my toddler decided to stop napping - brilliant !

[hjm]

Thank you everyone for your advice and support. I'll let you know how I get on x