Dilemma - help! Post Reply

[coolmum]

I'm really not sure what to do.

I have an au pair who looks after my children a few hours a week on her own as I have to work.

I went to a class today (know the teacher very well) and she asked me if I'd got rid of my au pair. I said no and asked her why. She said that was useless, very miserable, always playing on her phone, never interacting with the kids and is quite harsh with her words when speaking to the children.

I've spoken to her before about not using her phone at all (unless an emergency) when looking after the children and that she needs to be full of energy when with the kids.

I just don't know how to approach this subject with her.

When I'm around she's always interacting but I don't know whats happening when I'm not there.

I know nanny cams have been a subject brought up before on here and I know there was mixed opinions but this teacher said that I should use one for a few days as it's your children and you have the right to know how their being treated.

Any thoughts, suggestions???

[Mrs Contractor Mum]

You haven't stated how old your children are but if they can communicate, can you ask them? It doesn't have to be direct - e.g. do you like the au pair or not but maybe ask what they did that day with the au pair? Did they have fun etc?

[BalhamMumWorkingFT]

Talk to her about it as someone alerted you to a few things you have already discussed with her. I'd approach it as many mothers in the area are good friends with you and one of them had asked after the Au Pair / Nanny regarding some behavior. It might stop it all together as she'd never know who was and wasn't a friend.

Best to hear her side of the story before going through installing cameras and such. Expensive venture and controversy that could just be a small misunderstanding.

[lauretta]

Hi i am a qualified nanny of 18yrs and the best advice that you can give is listen to your gut instinct, i think you know what the next step is deep down and its a big descision but your children are precious treasure and it is vital that you have someone who treats them with respect they deserve, i hardly use my phone during working hours and follow my employers wishes as much as i can. Your au pair has obviously broken the phone rule since telling her which makes me think what other rules have been broken too? What happens if some horrible incident accident happened when using her phone??? you may have caught it on nanny cam but at what cost?? I think you should ask around and line someone else up for the position as back up and hopefully if they are true child carers and care for their job they will take to their new role and the children too. Have in your mind what sort of person would you like to employ write it down, speak good english communication is vital between all parties and committment is key to this role, I hope this helps and makes sense listen to within you won't go wrong have faith lots of good child carers out there good luck best wishes lauretta

[Hannah102]

I agree with the nanny who posted. Get rid of this girl. You didn't say what your gut reaction is but I suspect you know she isn't right. I just got rid of one whom I'd known since she started a few weeks ago wasn't right and it was the best thing I've done. Hard initially but you'll be glad you did it.

[supergirl]

Hi Coolmum

I agree with previous posters, follow your gut feelings and please do not keep someone if you cant trust that person because she breaks your rules.
I have a nanny for 3 months now, first time of our lives we have one. We are lucky she is just great.
But at the beginning, even though my gut feelings were positives snd i pretty much trusted her from day 1, i couldnt stop but wondering how it was when i wasnt there. So i kept observing my children reactions when we were talking about her, what they did with her, etc. And they would always smiles. Teachers at nursery confirmed they are happy to see her. My parents spent a couple of hours with them and told me they go to her very spontenaously and happily. And of course, my kids told me they like her.

What i am trying to say is even if your children dont talk yet, there are plenty of ways for you to find out whether they are happy to be with her. You dont have to put a nannycam. For me, if you go down the nanny cam route, you have lost the trust so you might as well part.

And as trust goes both ways, she will stop trusting you if you put a nannycam so you would have a broken relationship and it is the children who will suffer.

Good luck. Sx

[AbbevilleMummy]

I agree with the previous poster in that if you are considering a nannycam then you've already decided that you don't trust her so you should just move on instead.

There are plenty of fantastic au pairs out there looking for work so the sooner you let your current one go the sooner you can move on and hire a more suitable one.

Good luck