Surviving a C-section with a toddler Post Reply

[Transatlantichik]

Hi ladies

I'm having a tough time deciding on whether to go for a natural or scheduled C-section with my 2nd child. I already have a very active toddler that arrived by emergency c-section - so now I have to make the choice 2nd time around.

I have been told I have a 75% chance of being able to naturally deliver, but am a little sceptical after the many days/ drugs/ interventions it took to get me to the eventual emergency c-section!

I'm looking to see if anyone else has faced this decision and decided to go with the c-section 2nd time round. I need to get my head around if I did it how I would cope looking after a toddler given that I won't really have any help from relatives, although I have been offered some wonderful support from my baby mommas friends! Does anyone have any practical tips on how they negotiated an uncooperative toddler/ toddler bath time/ getting onto booster seat etc etc whilst they were healing??!!

Any advice would be very gratefully received!

[SFMC]

Just wanted to say I am going through the same decision so can sympathise. While I don't have any experience to share I didn't want to read and run. Luckily I have family travelling from Canada to help me out in my case (and my toddler goes to day nursery) but wonder if a post natal doula is an option for you?
Or temporary mother's helper to deal with your toddler?

Today funnily enough I saw a private doctor for a consultation to help with my decision and I decided I will ask for a planned c-section. He said a planned c-section is much less risky than an emergency one and my experience will be different from what I went through before. Though of course there is still the recovery but it won't be as horrendous as before.

Good luck.

[ckwmum]

I had a planned CS after an emergency one first time, and it is totally different - for one thing, you can plan in help eg childcare. Do you have any childcare already? It will be a godsend when the baby arrives, even just a few hours a week.

A postnatal doula is a great idea as suggested above, or at the very least a cleaner or something. A nanny or someone similar to help with bath times etc would be great.

It's not easy managing the practical side of things with the recovery but you may find you just get on with it more this time around.

Please get in touch if you have specific questions.

Good luck

[AmeriMummy]

Hi!

I had #1 via planned c-section (breech). I was told I could go for V-BAC w/ #2, but as it got closer to the due date (I was due in September & it was a HOT August), I just wanted to get it done. She was delivered 5 days early at 8lbs 12oz, and showed no signs of imminent arrival, so I'm sort of glad I wasn't trying to V-BAC a 9lb baby in the end -- not sure they'd have let me go through with it, which might have resulted in an emergency c-section anyway. I'd much rather have a planned than emergency.

Maybe because they were both planned, I had a super easy time with my sections; I was up & around within 24 hours, at a committee meeting a week later. It was easy to arrange child care, but really I was fine to look after them both -- I was just so glad not to be pregnant anymore! I'm very happy with my decision.

My one bit of advice would be to stay in the hospital as long as they'll let you so that you can get all of the benefit of healing with someone really looking after you -- I was in the US & got to stay a week, not sure how it works here. If you do have to go home, really give yourself a rest for a week or two. Like, don't try to run around doing stuff at 60% -- and you'll be able to get from 0% - 100% much more quickly (if that makes sense?). And don't scrimp on your pain pills that first week -- you heal faster if you're not in pain.

Good luck! Everyone has a different experience of course, but I found going from 1-2 kids so much easier than going from 0-1 -- the main transition has already happened.

[Transatlantichik]

Thank you so much for all your replies, it's so helpful to hear real life experiences!

My toddler is in Nursery at the moment, and I'm hoping to at least keep him in a couple of 1/2 days a week whilst I'm on Mat leave. Would love the luxury of keeping him in full time, but unfortunately haven't had a lucky lottery ticket yet!! : )

What they don't tell you at the VBAC appointment is the risk of birth injuries from natural births (ahem, if you know what I mean?!), only the risks involved in a C-section. So knowing what some of my friends have had to deal with post natural birth I've added that into my decision making process...

Will also look into the doula idea, thanks for all the suggestions.

[Joe's Mum]

Hello.
I had a similar situation. Emergency C with the first after long long labour. Recovery was awful and took ages. Second one, elective C section - totally different. I already felt much better straight away and recovered much more quickly, feeling pretty normal after a week.
How old is your first? Mine was 2yrs 10 months and so old enough to understand when we explained that Mummy wouldn't be able to lift him for a while. Before the baby arrived we practised climbing onto chairs from a step stool, so I was holding his hand and guiding him but not actually taking the weight. He thought this was very grown up to be eating in a proper chair, not a high chair. Also just let stuff slide for a few weeks. Have a picnic on the floor. Children don't need to be bathed every day, can you get Daddy to do it at the weekend, or a few hours help from someone who can do supper and bath one night?

Good Luck with it all, and if you have offers of help, don't be shy, take them up on it!

Sam

[emanu_ela]

Hi,

my second C-section was much better and easier than the first one which was an emergency c-section. The pain has been minimal and the recovery super fast...maybe because having a 3 years old boy to look after I didn't have much time to think about the pain.

In terms of tips on how to organise for life with two I went to this course and I found it very useful on the practical side http://www.thebabycarecompany.co.uk/

Eilish is full of many many advices and she is also give her support once baby has arrived, you can simply phone her up and she is there for you. Another thing that I found useful was that attending the course put me in contact with other mums in my same situation, pregnant with the second and with a toddler same age as mine. And now I can chat with them if I have any doubts and they become friends.

I hope I helped

xx
manu

[ECHJ]

Hi - I recently decided to have a scheduled C -section for my second pregnancy (baby turned breech). I have a 22 month old v active boy and so it was a hard decision to have to make as I was v concerned about how I would cope/ recover with no 1 jumping about the place plus I had had a home birth planned! I also attended one of the BabyCare Company's courses and this helped me make an informed decision together with giving me some practical tips on how to deal with 2 children generally!
Ultimately I went with the scheduled c-section because I was concerned about having a natural breech delivery (which could have ended in an emergency C which I was v keen to avoid). At least with a scheduled C the recovery is generally quicker and you can get out of hospital on a fast track programme (at least that's the case at St Georges). It also means you can put plans in place to care for bubba no 1. The recovery v. a natural delivery is longer and can be frustrating especially if you want to drive, pick up a toodler etc. but 6 weeks goes by v quickly second time round. Just make sure you get some help in place!
Good luck.

[rozharvey]

Hi,

I dont know if it will help or not but i ve had 4 c sections and they were all with general anesthetic as it was a few years ago my youngest is going to uni soon but the recovery time always got much shorter with each one. after my 4th I was up taking myself to the loo by the time he was 4 hours old. also my husband when to the georgia the day after I came home for 3 weeks working and I managed to carry on working obviously not at full time just organising, phone calls and arranging different things as we had a business, by the way I am not superwoman I just had a plan but I did have help from my mother with the baby feeding him and nappies etc also two of the children where 2 and 4 years old as well. Personally I think you should go with whatever you want to do and feel comfortable with.

[Katskii1]

I had an elective C with my second one after an emergency C with my first - best choice ever was very relaxed and was able to plan someone to be with my 15 month old (yes small gap) when I had Number 2.I was walking around 48 hrs later and picking up the active (and big) 15 month old within 3 weeks - after some of the horror stories I hear of natural delivery you could be far worse off. One bit of device - get someone to help with bath and bed for first 3 months, a lifesaver and after a busy day with 2 babies knowing someone is going to come and help at the end of the day is great

[biscuitbrown]

I'm feeling your pain! I am due to have an elective in May, my little girl will be 20 months old.

I decided to go for an elective after a lot of deliberation, mainly because I had a very traumatic labour and emergency c-section with every hospital ****-up and intervention under the sun with my first. She was in a bad way and so was I, recovery was horrendous.

Yes, I was worried about not being able to pick her up, put her in the bath, in her cot etc. but as the consultant I'm seeing pointed out, I wouldn't be able to pick up a large toddler straight away after a natural birth either. In the end, I just couldn't deal with the thought of going through another terrifying emergency c-section - I wasn't prepared to live with even the smallest chance of that.

I have booked a post-natal doula as suggested above, because we won't have any family support. I'm hoping that is the solution to getting my little girl into her cot for naps, and bath time. And anecdotally, everyone I know who has had a planned c-section has had a much better and quicker recovery. Most put it down to not having gone through a traumatic and exhausting labour before the surgery.

Something to note, we are having to go private because I was told there was no way I'd get an elective at Chelsea and Westminster, they went so far as to say they have run out of money and don't have any budget for electives. They will make you wait until you are 40w + 10 and even if you refuse an induction (which I said I would as I'm sure it was the cause of my obstructed delivery) you will only get one if there is a serious cause for concern... (they even made me see one of their psychiatrists to prove I was traumatised - which although she said I was, didn't seem to make much difference?!) I know people who have got them quite easily at St. Georges due to previously traumatic births though.

I think you have to go with your gut - and which option will make you feel safer and happier throughout your pregnancy. Don't stress, you'll find a way that you are happy with. Best of luck x

[Katskii1]

Bisciuit brown - the NHS make you jump through a lot of hoops to get an elective, I was at StTs which is notoriously against elective (although aren't they all) but they are obliged to give you one if after all the hoop jumping it is still what you want so if you can hang in there it is worth it and will save you lots of £££ I expect - don't worry it really will all be fine

[biscuitbrown]

Bisciuit brown - the NHS make you jump through a lot of hoops to get an elective, I was at StTs which is notoriously against elective (although aren't they all) but they are obliged to give you one if after all the hoop jumping it is still what you want so if you can hang in there it is worth it and will save you lots of £££ I expect - don't worry it really will all be fine

I know, thank you - I'm still persevering with the NHS route until the last moment, but I had to have a plan B in my back pocket so I didn't totally freak out! I have 4 weeks to go and still no sign of agreement - although as you say every woman is entitled to the choice under the NICE guidelines. We'll see...

[Katskii1]

I was in the same situation, sooooo frustrating, hang in there and good luck!

[emsken]

I haven't had to make that decision but I had 2 natural births, 1 with an episiotomy and 1 with quite a bit of tearing. All I can say is with a c section you have already 'ruined' your tummy muscles. Do you really want to risk ruining those down below too?! I was tempted with a c section second time around as the recovery was pretty hard from the first birth, but decided against it as figured one area was enough to have damage!!