Motherism Post Reply

[nvmof3]

Did anyone see this article on "Motherism" - the prejudice against Stay at Home Mothers? Interesting reading. If you are a SAHM, do you feel that people talk down to you and think you are lazy or swanning around lunching every day? If you are a working mum, do you feel a bit superior to the SAHMs and think they are lazy? As a SAHM, I definitely feel that people (especially working mums) speak to me as if I am a bit stupid and a layabout. I had a very successful career in Investment Banking for 13 years, and have been in the fortunate financial position that I have been able to stay at home with our children thus far. I personally have found it quite tough at times and think that it would have been easier and probably more interesting for me to have worked, but I didn't think that my needs should govern the decision but those of our kids. Now, I am thinking about working, not for the money particularly (though I would love financial independence again), but more because I am fed up with trying to justify why I don't work to working people that feel it is ok to make comments about it and imply that it is because I can't be bothered, to the extent that I question myself and feel insecure about not working. Am I alone?

[nvmof3]

Sorry, forgot to attach the link to the article.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/child ... -mums.html

[CBW7779]

Just an early thought in this, but I'm wondering if children are best off with a mother who did have a job (for however long she enjoyed that job) before she had her children, because of all the skills the world of work give you which are so helpful in parenting? Is there a different point for each woman/family/job even where the balance between what the job offers on the positive side and what it takes away from the family means that it is just best for the woman to leave her job? But for how long? Because it can be so difficult to get back to a good job after time out!!

I definitely think there are derogatory comments about women who are at home with children, be it SAHMs or even women on mat leave (how many times do you hear about it being a holiday, or from people saying like it is a badge of honour that they went back to work 'early'!). And if you have any 'help' the comments/assumptions seem worse!!

I wonder if some of the negative comments come from women who are (perhaps subconsciously) envious of their friend's/colleague's pregnancies or ability financially to stay at home? This would make sense to me as these issues are so poignant and emotionally charged...

As a related question, do you often hear criticisms often of fathers working too much/not seeing their families/not having any part to play at the child's school?

[millymoo]

Thanks nvmof3 - I didn't see this article but have read it now and have to say, I am pretty fed up with psychologists, social commentators and politicians writing about how I should live my life and raise my family. Whatever decision you have made for whatever reason is yours and yours alone and you shouldn't feel that anyone has a right to judge you on that. As you have had a career in investment banking, I am guessing you have had to deal with some (ridiculous) individuals with opinions in the past so I would just hold your head up high and move on.

I am a mother working full time (in financial services) but I certainly don't think any less of mothers that stay at home for whatever reason and of course sometimes I wish I had more time at home with my little girls but I have made a decision to work and I don't regret it. I have also made a point of not really reading any kind of parenting books/websites for advice (apart from NappyValleynet!) as I know the things that are important to me and my family and don't want to hear from so called "experts" on the subject.

Sorry for the rant but I do feel that whatever you choose as a mother these days people have an opinion on what you should be doing.

[CBW7779]

Or - Another article intended to justify its existence by getting on the daytime tv shows?! And demonstrate readership by stirring up comments on twitter etc??!! Normally the ground occupied by the Daily Moan!!

[NYE31]

An interesting read, thanks for posting.

To give another view, I have heard of some SAHMs who look down on working Mums, personally I think it's down to personal choice & circumstances as to whether one goes back to work or stays at home, neither is wrong.

[dachshundvalley]

I chose to stay at home, (I worked on the trading floor) but I find that I have to justify to my friends who haven't even had babies yet why I didn't go back to work, when I tell them that nurseries costs about £110 a day and I'd never see my daughter during the week, they understand a bit more, but it is a decision every woman has to make and once when I tried to justify it to my parent's friend, he told me to shush and to stop justifying it and just enjoy it and the time I'm are having with my child. I do complain a lot as it is draining and tough sometimes, and I don't get paid or have any holiday but it was my decision and I def don't regret it. But I do think that people try to tell you how to live your life, one friend told me I should get a part time job, but I don't know why people care so much about what other people decide to do, it just annoys me when people are so judgemental.

[supermoomoo]

Hi there

Firstly , I think it takes a lot of courage to done what you have and make those great decisions and scarifices for your loving family.
The ironic thing is, as a full time working mum, I feel totally inferior to the stay home mums! I always feel like I am last to know (and forget) about the next "theme" for nursery/school , hence having my child turn up in say a costume that is totally inappropriate for that week's topic ; or that I wouldnt have known that Sally / Mary's has had her second child and being rude not to a. turn up for the baby visit b. send a congratulatory card/ present....

Being late . being late in queues , being late at parent meetings , being late for enrolment of any fun class/course , being late - you get the picture. ( or maybe I am just very disorganised...)

to be fair - i think sometimes it is the mentality of the working dad that perpetute such comments .. " what do you do all day?" "Have cake and coffee and meet up with other mums?" - if only!

anyway - alll I wanted to say is to each her own , and being the CEO and COO of the house is just as good as a top paying job any day. At least you are in control/charge at home; at work , you have to deal with big babies.

x keep smiling!