Husband watching ******? Post Reply

[Shocked&Hurt]

Hi
Without wanting to go into the gory details I've discovered via the web history of our Ipad that my husband has been watching ****** at home.

I'm really shocked and upset by this, its nothing he's ever mentioned, we have a young baby but we're still close, if you get my drift, but the thought of him at home looking at some of this stuff is really freaking me out.

Has anyone else had this experience? Am I being a prude for being freaked out? I don't know whether to say anything, to feel insulted, just not sure.

[darlingmummy]

hello,
it all depends on how much ****** he has been watching.
I think it is normal for a man or woman to watch it once in a while, but as with anything if it becomes an addiction then there is a problem.

maybe try and be inquisitive without him realizing you are quizzing him and see his reaction.
you say you are close but maybe he needs more, men and women have very different notions of how much you have "to do it".

don't worry too much before you know what the deal is

[mr f]

It may have nothing to do with you, your personal life together or ******. Stress may be the real issue. Talk to him.

[Chucka]

I saw an article that may be helpful in helping him to consider that ****** might impact negatively. xxx
http://goodmenproject.com/health/how-po ... -marriage/

[Goldhawk]

Why were you checking the web history? Do you have other concerns?

[juliantenniscoach]

I think Mr F and Goldhawk make very good points. IMO.

[Mrs Contractor Mum]

I'm not going to get into the rights and wrongs of ****** but if this is a 'family' iPad and you do not wish either yourself or when your child is a bit older to be exposed to this type of material accidentally or not, please do go into the general settings, restrictions and set some up on the type of content you feel is acceptable along with a pass code that only you know.

It may not stop your husband from looking at the material on other devices but it will do two things:

1) Provide some protection for your child when they are bit older and start discovering IPads (and this can be from a very young age).
2) The next time your husband tries to look at such material he will be forced to enter an unknown to him pass code which will be a good lead in for your discussion with him.

CEOP provides a lot of useful insight on making parents and children aware of how to be safer online and I would highly recommend parents making themselves aware as soon as possible. The types of threats and content children can be exposed to online is truly horrifying and parents need to educated and take measures to protect their children

[Scottov]

Think? Of course he's been watching ******

[Super Dad]

Some may do it more often than others, but EVERY MAN LOOKS AT ******. If your man won't admit it to you then it's because he doesn't want to disappoint you or hurt you, but I can assure you he has done it. And you know what, he still loves you and he is still a good man. Life's too short to let this become an issue for you.

[uqbar]

There is nothing, absolutely nothing, that men like more than having to enter a passcode to access ******, and then to discover that it was a trap set up by their wives in order discuss their ******-watching habits in an honest and open way. Nothing. Men love this kind of stuff. It turns them on. It's basically the hidden subterfuge beneath the entire ******-watching thing that men do. To be able to have a reasoned, honest and open discussion about their use of ****** to occasionally get off, when they're a bit pissed usually, and when their wife is asleep and they know has had a rough day and probably isn't up for it - is actually the real reason why men use ******. Honest, open, reasoned and constructive discussions. That's what the porns is all about for men. The guilt though! The guilt!

[littlebitloopy]

Firstly, I can assure you that your husband is not strange or a bad person for doing this. This is a conversation that's come up so many times with my girlfriends, however, while all of us are aware that our men watch ******, we all have different feelings about it.

The way you are feeling is not abnormal, so don't feel like you're being a prude! I'd say it's the way you approach the situation which is what could become an issue. I understand that you may feel a little insecure and that is normal, but please remember that we all have a little fantasy.. while us women can be a little more imaginative, it seems men find it easier to access theirs via the Internet.

My friend feels exactly the way you do, generally, she has quiet a low self esteem. I'm not assuming you are in the same boat, but if you feel you might be, then maybe try and work on that.. hit the gym, get your nails done. Start to feel sexy without the tackiness!

Fantasies can be very private to people, would you be able to share yours with him? I honestly turn bright red thinking about sharing mine!..

I'm sure your husband loves you to bits and if you was to discuss this with him he'd reassure you. Just allow him his boy time. Maybe consider having a little look yourself, plenty of women enjoy ****** too. Lots of ****** sites have woman friendly soft ****** now. Its not half as intimidating as it seems, I promise you.

If you are concerned about your children gaining access, then just mention that they're at a curious age and you feel a password might serve you both well.

Good luck with what ever you decide to do

[Scottov]

the real point is that this is not a big thing, and does not require a big emotional investment in mediating and resolving within yourself.

It is a perfectly normal, and if anything the only issue is that he has been clumsy and left a trail the kids might find. He normally doesn't (as this is first you've heard about it) and just needs to be more discreet.

other than making sure he cleans up his tracks there is nothing to worry or think about, unless you want to share in this activity with him. which is none of anyone's business either way

[nicoleblonde]

All men look at ******, I promise you ALL MEN! All monogamous, happily married men watch ******, it makes no difference to how much he loves his wife and is commited to her. There is nothing to worry about unless the sites were of a disturbing nature! Maybe gently remind him to delete his search history after he's finished

[juliantenniscoach]

There's also a lot of generalisation about "men love to watch ******", they "love to access passwords", "all men watch ******" blah, blah, blah.

Speak about the people you know or have first hand knowledge of. Don't generalise please it's crass and inaccurate.