toddler sleep issues, any suggestions or guidance please Post Reply

[singingkettle]

Good Morning

My son is 2yrs and 4 months old, he used to sleep relatively well in his cot bed. I moved him into a toddler bed 3 weeks ago (he was starting to climb our) he has adapted fairly well and quite quickly but the issue that has arisen now is he wants his head stroked or his hand held to fall asleep (i never had to do that before when he was in his cot bed) this can take up to an hour, if i do this for 15 minutes and then get up to leave he has a meltdown. He has also started waking every night between 1.30am and 2.30am, coming into my room and very happily wants to go back to his own bed but wants me to stay there and stroke his head/hold his hand until he falls asleep, this is taking up to an hour also,He starts crying if he wakes up and realises i'm not there. Is this normal once they have moved into a toddler bed?

The reason for my post is i'm getting slightly anxious (not to mention a bit tired with broken sleep, every parent has broken sleep i know!!) but my 2nd baby is due in 2 weeks time, my husband is away quite a bit with work so the last 3 weeks have been extremely testing. Is there anything i can do to settle him quickly when he wakes in the night? I know habits form quickly (waking every night at the same time) and i understand that the transition from cot bed to toddler bed is a big move and i know my son wants reassurance, i'm just starting to panic a little.

My son also seems clingier than usual, he goes to nursery 2.5 days a week and absolutely loves it there but once he's at home, he's started crying if i leave the room to go to the loo, even though i do explain where i'm going and i'll be right back.
Do you think he is feeling upset because of the imminent new arrival? Apologies for the long message, i'm just getting a bit nervous about the new baby and also i'm tired from not sleeping.

Any guidance/tips/advice would be greatly appreciated
thank you so much.

[Fairy]

Hello

My little one is 15 months old so not in a toddler bed yet so I can't give any useful experiential advice, however I can recommend someone who can!

Heidi at The Parent and Baby coach http://www.theparentandbabycoach.com 07825 914096 is absolutely amazing. I first met her on a recommendation from a friend when Ollie was born and we were looking for advice on sleep and routines. I genuinely feel that her advice (and our willingness to implement it) was the critical factor in shaping our wonderful, happy little boy who has always slept so well (through the night from 12 weeks and now from 7pm until 7/8am rain or shine).

I have stayed in touch with her since as she has a wealth of sound advice on all topics from weaning, to dealing with toddler behaviour, potty training etc. Whenever I have any questions about Ollie (for example recently he started throwing food on the floor - a habit I think from nursery) she has solutions for how to manage these situations and turn them into positive experience for Ollie and me. She does private consultations, but also runs workshops etc.

I cannot recommend her more and I know she would be able to help you successfully manage the transfer of your toddler to a toddler bed and also on how to prepare him for with the arrival of your little one!

Good luck. Do get in touch with her. We all need a Heidi!

[drtay]

We had some success with the following when our son was 2 (he had been a pretty good sleeper, and I had never had to stay in the room with him much before that, and then we experienced the same clinginess as you are going through). This all depends upon your child's language skills, of course...

At bath times we started explaining to son that we couldn't stay in the room with him as he fell asleep because we had to eat, tidy up, go to the shop, etc., but that one of us was always right in the room next door, and we would kiss him good night when he was sleeping. We also repeatedly told him something along the lines of 'S is such a good boy, S doesn't cry when Mummy leaves the room, S doesn't get out of bed, S goes to sleep happily'.

The important thing for us was to then have him echo this in a Q and A at bath time, and then just before bed:

Q: is Mummy/Daddy gonna stay in the room tonight?
A: [wait for the answer from him; if he doesn't give the right answer, ask again]

Q: what's Mummy going to do when S is sleeping?
A: [give me a kiss]

Q: is S going to cry when Mummy leaves the room?
A: [ask until he says no]

Q: is S going to get up and come to the door after Mummy leaves?
A: [again, ask until you get the answer you want]

Q: is S going to go to sleep crying, or is he going to go to sleep happy?
A: [happy]

It seems to work best when it comes from his mouth - it makes the decision seem like it is his.

This worked a charm the first few times we did it. I even tried it on a friend's child when I was babysitting and had luck there too. I thought I should declare myself a baby-whisperer and switch careers. Then, of course, he began to negotiate, and we've had to modify the dialogue every few weeks. Ultimately, these days, if he gets upset and comes out of bed, I get him calm (song, massage, tucked in tight), go through the dialogue again, and I tell him the choice is his, he can go to sleep crying or he can go to sleep happily. He always says he wants to go to sleep happily.

Doing this for 10 months now we have more good bed-times than bad, but sometimes he does regress.

Good luck!

[Annie.S]

Hi there, I am sorry to hear you are having a tricky time with your toddler but it really is fixable. I run a sleep consultancy business with two friends so please do have a look at our website and if you feel our help could be beneficial, do get in touch. It can feel relentless when you are caught up in it but with a little tweaking and the right amount of support, we will have you all sleeping better in no time! Please call me if you have any questions about how it works. Kind regards, Annie

www.infantsleepconsultant.co.uk