41 and unexpectedly pregnant Post Reply

[Soriano]

Just found out I'm pregnant and will, with any luck, be adding another child to the family. Thought I was out of the woods, so to speak- with my other children being old enough to go on holiday without a huge diaper bag and lots of accessories in tow but here we are again! Anyone out there have a similar experience? I could use some words of encouragement.

[tooposhtopush]

Congratulations!

I don't have personal experience of the age/age gap but have friends who have and...

1. it's much easier this time around because a) you know what you're doing b) you have all the kit c) you're much less worked up about doing it "perfectly". My friend told me that if she'd met the "older mother her" as a "younger mother her" (if that makes sense) she'd have thought she was a rubbish parent but much more relaxed if that makes sense. Actually that reads badly but what I'm trying to say is you're a lot more relaxed

2.The older children will ADORE the new arrival. And they'll help. That makes a huge difference.

3. Everyone will be jealous that you're going through it all again, I know I am!

I would give a few words of warning:

1. there is a tendency in my friends family for the younger child to be babied and I've noticed she isn't growing up with the same independence as the others did at the same age. If I am brutally honest that is also on the part of the parents as they don't want to "let go" of the baby lifestyle but I've seen a few things that have made me go "oooh" I'd make them a bit more indepedant if it were me

2. for brand new parents who are going through this for the first time you don't want to come across as a "been there, done that". My friend has almost no contact with the parents in her youngest's reception class as she thinks they're all neurotic control freaks ("Whaddaya mean they won't come for a five day survival weekend kids birthday party in the mountains, they're four for gods sake!")


Enjoy it, you'll be brilliant

[BTCdad]

A colleague of mine fell pregnant by accident at 46! The baby is now nearly 1 and it has all been fine. Good luck!

[Pentneyprincess]

Hi,
My mum fell pregnant with my sister at 41 and had her at 42. My brother was 7, I was 5. She was an older mum anyway, but that was career driven. All I can say is, my sister just turned 18 and my mum 60, and it has kept her so young! She looks about 40! Yes she says she gets tired and exhausted, whilst some of her friends are retired in their sunny second homes abroad. She also feels like she could have retired earlier if she hadn't had to pay school fees, followed by supporting us through uni (but that is a personal thing). All I can say is you will be fine! My sister and I get along so so well, yes you have to do the baby thing again but it will be worth it. There are plenty of mums your age having babies now. My mum also said by the third, you know how it goes and you no longer fear. My brother wasn't allowed ketchup etc until he was god knows how old. My sister would beg for chicken nuggets. So she had left her Annabel Karmel phase haha! Congratulations! You will be fine! X

[Soriano]

Thank you for the lovely feedback. I'm so grateful.

[jingo_x]

I fell pregnant at 43 when my other kids were 10 & 11. A shock for all of us. Our 'bonus baby' has brought us so much joy, we could never have imagined. He has been the glue for the whole family. Mioody teenagers can't keep it up when there is a little 4 year old around demanding their love and attention! We are a closer family for having him and we are all happier for having this accident!
Best of all, I am a better, more relaxed Mum at this age and do everything with the benefit of knowing how quickly their childhood passes. I have savoured every moment.
I hope it goes well for you and your new baby brings you as much joy (once you get over the shock!)