How to avoid parenting potholes

As the school uniform is donned for the first time, both you and your little one will experience a mixture of excitement and nerves as they embark on their next 14 years. You’re stepping out of your well-established pre-school safe space into another melting pot of families and all the fun, games and challenges that go with it.

School gate do’s and dont’s

Seasoned parents and teachers advise the quick hug/kiss/drop, especially during those early days as Little Johnny realises this is how it’s going to be for a while. But it’s also a good place to meet other parents, a friendly spot to chat, head for a coffee or walk to the station together. Some of my best friendships have been forged waiting outside the classroom for those four-year-olds to emerge after another hard day at the coalface. Just be yourself. Your children are all establishing new friendships, and this is an opportunity for you too. And don’t overthink it if your budding socialite befriends someone whose parents aren’t necessarily on the same page as you. Friendships ebb and flow and you don’t have to accept every playdate invitation if it’s all feeling too much.

PTA

There are those who will and those who never will. And there are plenty in between who bake or have regular clear-outs for jumble sales. Many full-time working parents simply don’t have time while others who work part-time or are at home full-time may be willing and able to get stuck in. Be prepared to listen, don’t dominate, be considerate of others’ suggestions and if you’ve offered to muck in at the cake sale or to help set up the fundraising party, don’t bail out at the last minute. Also, know your limits when drinking punch at the party – it’ll save your blushes next time you’re at that school gate.

SCHOOL GATE

An important aspect of school life is the vibe at the school gate. Is yours a place of warmth and friendliness? For many families, especially if moving into the area, the school gate should be a place of information and welcoming inclusion. Although many parents drop off and dash to work there is still plenty that can be done.

We have an occasional coffee van organised by the PTA which is a wonderful place for a coffee and catch-up. Parents can also drop donations to our foodbank (Dons Local Action Group) as well as baby equipment and clothes for the Little Village charity for under-5s. The school gate – both before and after school – should mirror the values of the school and provide a friendly place for parents to meet and mingle. Chinese New Year, Halloween, Easter, Diwali and Christmas are just a handful of events that we celebrate at the gate. Make the most of yours!

Source: The Roche School

Bake sale

The pure joy here is the myriad creations. The ones where the children have helped. The ones where the nanny with a Leith’s qualification has stepped in. The ones where an exhausted parent has whipped something up at midnight. The ones who went to M&S and repackaged. The ones who went to M&S and didn’t repackage. All of it is worthy. All of it is going to raise the funds.

Party time

To share or not to share? That is the question. As our children so often tell us, sharing is caring, and by doing so, you double the joy and halve the costs. Don’t worry if there are some parties you could never stretch to – paintballing off the A3, an escape room experience or trip to Chessington. There is nothing lovelier than meeting in the park with a picnic, party games and pop-up goal or inviting friends over for a favourite movie. Just add popcorn and cake. As for party bags, there are those who go mad and then there are those who give a tube of Smarties and a book from a multi-pack bought at TK Maxx or Asda. Genius.

Sports day

Competitive parenting rarely gets to shine so brightly than at this much-anticipated event. The parents who lean into the racetrack, screaming at their children to run faster and
punch the air when they win. The parents who come up with excuses when their child doesn’t win (bad tummy last night). The parents who pack their running shoes ready to bust a gut (or an ACL) going for gold. I’m reminded of a dad at a parent v child end of term footie match who had to be taken aside to be reminded that this was just a friendly match and perhaps he could stop kicking the ball so hard at the goalie’s head – he was only eight after all.

Move to senior school

This is a tricky time. Tension is high, parents are fraught – usually much more so than the children. To tutor or not to tutor? How many schools to apply for? Share these worries with friends, not the entire group (see below). The same goes for when the results come in. Consider that not everyone will have received an offer from every school, that many will be on waiting lists, waiting for you to turn some down. Be kind during these testing times.

WhatsApp

It’s excellent for many things but try to rely on your own admin rather than asking the whole year group if anyone knows the details of the concert/outing/drop off/pick up, oh and do they need packed lunch? I appreciate it’s immediate, it’s friendly (mainly) and why busy parents ask the quick question. But how many times have we all seen the exhausted class rep step in to remind us that this was on email last week, or to calm an argument (not here, stand down) or a debate (not the right forum)?

Also, as the adults here, maybe don’t pander so much to the children and take to the airwaves to rant about how lunch was revolting/the cover teacher was awful/the trip was boring. Plus, a little self-awareness goes a long way. If your child is leaving the school, a forum where most of the families will be staying may not be the best place to vent about how glad you are you’re off.

There’s much to be said about the community it creates and the bonding nature of WhatsApp. I would be Scrooge to say it must be disbanded completely in this context. But one well-known local senior school has done just that, directing their parents to another app, Classlist which keeps strictly to school themes. Does it really mitigate the issues though? Surely some parents still go rogue.

So, it may seem like rough terrain out there but it’s easy to avoid parenting potholes if you keep your head while others around you are losing theirs. Just don’t lose touch with
reality. You may be in a school bubble but it’s your real world for many years to come. Have fun making the most of it.