The Delicate Art of Persuasion

Ever wondered what those at the forefront of education tell their own children to help them navigate school life? We asked teachers for their top tips – and whether they’ve been successful!

EFFORT OVER RESULTS

Sophie Clegg, Geography teacher, Putney High School GDST

“My advice was, the effort you put in to a task means far more than the end result. When preparing for exams or any other events that feel pressurised, it helps to create a constructive atmosphere around revision and to formulate a timetable. She appreciates that we value hard work over results. Some of her friends feel a huge amount of pressure to achieve top grades in everything all the time. This is unachievable and can lead to anxiety and feeling fearful of opening up to parents about perceived failure. She has just sat her first end of year exams and certainly put plenty of effort in. Results have been a mixed bag so I am trying to stay true to my word!”

DON’T BE AFRAID OF FAILURE

Suzy Woolaway, Deputy Head and Maths teacher, Woldingham School

“I don’t want you to get everything in life – or maths – 100% correct. If you do, the challenge, or problem you faced was probably too easy. Think carefully about a problem, weigh up the different strategies you have for solving it, then try one. You will soon find that you learn a lot more from your failures than finding the perfect solution the first time. Perseverance and resilience are superpowers that will serve you well through your whole life. Don’t be afraid to fail, be afraid not to try!

FIRST IMPRESSIONS COUNT

Mary McCahery, Principal and founder, The White House Prep School

“Children will always make their own paths in life, but I have always told my daughters, and indeed my pupils, over 40 years of teaching, that first impressions matter. A friendly smile and being courteous always go a long way. People never comment on good manners but they always notice bad manners and this is a core value at The White House Prep. Modelling good manners is the best way to encourage your children to do the same, and I’d like to think I have raised my girls and pupils with the same ethos!”

BE ACTIVE AND ENGAGE

Aurélie Sciamma, Maths tutor and member of Commons Education

“As a parent and a teacher, I think the best piece of advice I gave my own children was to be active listeners in lessons. By this, I mean focusing fully when the teacher is explaining something in class and engaging in the lesson by asking questions or offering heir opinion in class. At our family evening meal, I would ask my hildren what they learnt at school that day often the answer would be ‘nothing’!) and might give them some tips then. It is really hard as a teacher to give advice to your own hildren without sounding boring, so we have always tried not to make a big deal of ur suggestions. It worked really well with y two sons – my two daughters were too chatty in class for it to work!”

TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS

Katherine Beith, Year 4 teacher, Alleyn’s

When my three daughters were approaching the age when their friends became more crucial than their parents and having a social life was of prime importance, the time was right to have a serious chat. My advice was, ‘Do things that you want to do. Never be pressurised into engaging in any activities that you are uncomfortable with or just because your
friends are doing it. You are in control’. My preference is to deliver advice in the car. Only ever attempt to have serious conversations when you’re both looking in the same direction and there is no danger of eye contact. I wouldn’t say the advice was well received, in that there was acute embarrassment and a realisation that I was using words teenagers cannot imagine that their parents know, and even more unthinkable was that I had ever experienced the trials that they were engaged with! All I can say is that they have grown up to be well-adjusted young women, so maybe it worked!” uncomfortable with or just because your friends are doing it. You are in control’. My preference is to deliver advice in the car. Only ever attempt to have serious conversations when you’re both looking in the same direction and there is no danger of eye contact. I wouldn’t say the advice was well received, in that there was acute embarrassment and a realisation that I was using words teenagers cannot imagine that their parents know, and even more unthinkable was that I had ever experienced the trials that they were engaged with! All I can say is that they have grown up to be well-adjusted young women, so maybe it worked!”

WORK HARD, PLAY HARD

Adele Crabtree, Head of Design and Technology for London Park School Clapham

“Asking my boys this question they both said, ‘Work hard, play hard’. It was different for each boy but mostly drip-feeding advice into general conversations as a way of approaching life. It was never a sit down
and deliver it. I find chatting while dog walking or driving is a good time as we are side-by-side and not face-to-face, so not confrontational. I’m a big believer in that it’s not what you say but how you say things. I try to pick my time and say, ‘I have found that I……’ rather than ‘I think you must…..’

AIM HIGH

Helen Loach, Head of Streatham & Clapham Prep School GDST

Do your best – aim high and never think anything is impossible. Remember that exams and assessments are only one aspect of educational success – more fundamentally, compassion and empathy along with a strong moral compass will ensure you achieve success as you move into the wider world, beyond education. Trust your gut. If you know something is wrong, don’t do it!

FOLLOW YOUR HEART

Carmen Roche, founder of The Roche School

“My piece of advice to anyone would always be…follow your heart. I have always told my daughter that I would have been perfectly happy if she had chosen to work with flowers, dogs or anything else. Work
occupies so many hours of one’s life and it is better, in my opinion, to do a job one enjoys, if possible. I tried to embed the advice into our general conversations. To some extent it worked, but she has always had her own ambitions and skills; I was delighted when she decided to embark on the Teach First graduate scheme. I very much enjoyed helping my daughter with her studies but I don’t think parents can really choose their child’s future.”

KEEP YOUR LOVE OF LEARNING

John Taylor, Director of Learning, Teaching & Innovation, Cranleigh

“What matters most as you make your way through education is keeping your love of learning. I might have a conversation from time to time, such as when my daughter received her latest set of grades. I remind her how important it is to love learning and go on loving learning. This matters more than whether the grades go up or down. And when she has a ballet exam, I don’t know my rond de jambe from my arabesque, but I can tell her to let her love of ballet shine through. She says that it takes some of the stress away when she is about to do a test, knowing that what matters to her parents ultimately isn’t how well she does but why she is learning.”