Out of curiousity, what did your son have to say about his trip to Fulham? Did he enjoy it?

I agree with Disco/Earlsfield/KMoss/Jen66, etc. I wouldn't hire a nanny for even one day if I didn't trust her implicitly to act as my proxy. But then again, one of my requirements is that our nanny takes our child into central London weekly to museums/galleries, etc. On the other hand, if it upset a routine that was in place, I might be peeved *but guess we would have discussed that previously*

Good that you were honest with her, I would just make sure she won't be worried to think outside of the box now and again in your absence.

Hope she works out!

I agree with Discodolly and the other (bizarrely minority) of posters who think it is a good thing for children to go out and have experiences.

If you have the time and inclination to vet every single person your child comes into contact with, all well and good, but you probably should have warned the nanny about that beforehand. Also, if you can't trust your nanny's judgment then query why you are leaving your child with her in the first place?

My daughter has a nanny because both parents work full time, and whilst not a perfect situation I am glad and relieved that our daughter is in good hands, with someone she clearly adores, and who takes her to lots of play-dates and other activities every day - unlike the countless nannies who spend all day on their iphones and plonk the children in front of the telly.

It had never occurred to me to check up on where the nanny is taking her each day - I wouldn't have the time to do this, let alone meet all the people concerned before they are allowed to meet my daughter! Personally I have always been delighted to receive the photos our nanny sends of our daughter playing with all her little friends - most of whom I had never met until we invited them to her 2nd birthday earlier this year.

Of course it is up to you where you set the boundaries, but it wouldn't do you or your child any harm to relax a bit.

Having been in the job for only 5 weeks, your nanny is new to you and your expectations.
You don't say how long she has been nannying for. If she had a lot of latitude in her previous positions where she could decide on how the day went, activities etc then she might assume that you would be ok with your child having playdates in Fulham. How did she get to the playdate? Drive or public transport? Putney end of Fulham is not that far from Battersea but North Fulham could be too far? It just depends on your expectations.
Is the nanny she went to see a friend from a different position? As in she has known the nanny a long time? If they get on and had similar age children I would hope you could see the benefits of a playdate. Nannying young children can be a very isolating experience. It takes some time to find friends with children of a similar age in a new area.
In one of my positions I was only allowed to do an activity once a day. For eg music class in the am meant I wasn't allowed to have a playdate in the afternoon. The parents wanted me to be able to play at home with toys and do art activities etc.And I had to leave a very detailed diary explaining what we did that day. I didn't always agree with one activity a day but I had to follow what the parents wanted me to do. In my current position, I was allowed to take the children out both morning and afternoon and run them ragged! Now after being there 6 years I can decide what we do day to day without a lot of input with the parents because they trust me.

So sit down with your nanny and have a chat with her.
Trust takes a long time to build in a relationship and if you are not happy with what she is doing you need to tell her now. Maybe once she has been working for you for a while you'll be able to relax the "rules" a bit. Communication is the key to a great relationship with your nanny.

Get a grip! I think it's really great your nanny took the initiative in the first place!

Kids love and need varied stimulation and also to be able to meet and play with other kids ( and to be fair in a safe environment which your nannying takes responsibility for)

All these things should've being discussed and ironed out during your interview process as to where the boundaries lay. If you don't trust your nanny then you shouldn't have employed her in the first place!

I haven't come across any job out there that doesn't manage how trust is established be it through a contract which establishes the role and expectation of the employee, a probation period, a specific set of clauses that result in dismissal, some sort of review process etc. Is there any other job out there where people are employed and not managed on their performance?

Really not sure why employing a nanny is any different and from day one means a parent should completely handover all responsibility for decision making of our children to a nanny. Nor why a parent can be accused of being an awful employer for querying what your nanny is planning to do with your child.

As for finding the local area being boring - we live in nappy valley. There are children's playgroups/ activity centres/ classes every day of the week within half a mile of most peoples houses in this area and this website publishes most of them. Its not that hard to find out whats going on locally.

With my son's nanny, every term we would sit down and agree which daily activity or class he would go to in the morning on which days. There was plenty of opportunity for socialisation for both child and nanny. Whilst he was young, after lunch and afternoon sleep they would either go for fresh air and exercise at the local park or if the weather was really terrible do some sort of craft activity/ learning focussed activity at home. We have lots of children in my neighbourhood wih similar aged children and I introduced her to the families so that playdates could be organised.

As our relationship developed as a family, my son's interests became more varied and his sleep reduced obviously we trusted her to take him on trips to museums or days out in London and she would let me know what her plans were or I would make suggestions of where to go.

I'm not by any means advocating a draconian policy with nannies that they can't go out within a one mile boundary of the house. I just think parents should take an interest in what their child is doing and know where they are should god forbid that 0.01% chance of an accident happening to either the child or the nanny. The only way of doing that is by communicating with your nanny.

Thanks so much for the replies. It's interesting to read your perspectives.

As one of the replies noted, it is early days with the nanny. I'm also adjusting to being back at work full-time (as well as trusting someone else to fill the role I had done every day previously).

I told my nanny from the start that it was important we have open and honest communication- and that we were both raise any issues or concerns. So when I got home that evening, that's what I did. We had a good chat and she understood why I was concerned- and at the same time I told her understood she needs adult interaction (because I did, too) and that play dates are good for the children (and great she took initiative).

I think I'll probably get more relaxed as time goes on and more trust is built. I'm sure many of you can relate to the challenges of returning to the 'former life' after having a baby.

Thanks again for sharing your views!

We have 3 older children.
It is worrying with the first child but you learn to trust.
If you are prepared to leave your child the key word is trust.
If you do not trust your carer then you cannot live the way you have chosen.
If you need or want to go back to work then you need to trust the person you leave in charge. Simple. When you leave the house they are in charge. Trust them because they know what they are doing - you are only learning.

The worst thing you can do is make lots of silly rules that undermine the professional you left in charge. Their option then is to not send pictures, texts etc of the lovely time they are sharing with your child but keep it a secret, and then you will never know and never complain, ignorant bliss is good for some!

Good luck....and trust!

Your nanny taking your child to Fulham won't do any damage, being overly worried about minor issues might...

Couldn't agree more with Disco Dolly. I can't believe what I'm reading here - god help some of your nannies

Disco Dolly - people haven't gone crazy but every parent is entitled to manage with their nanny their level of 'risk' they are willing to put their child through.
Yes, 9 times out of 10, the child will be happy and safe and the nanny will have ensure the child's needs are taken care of.

However, this is a new nanny who is still establishing a relationship with the child. She may be CRB checked and IndyB has had her references confirmed but IndyB doesn't know the where the house her child has been taken to, she doesn't know the family of whom the child has been taken to and she doesn't know the nanny of the other child.

The fact is all she knows is her child has been taken to a stranger's house by someone still new in employment to them in a location she is unfamiliar with and probably at an address she doesn't know.

When your child is at nursery or school, as a parent you have to sign a form giving permission for them to take your child outside the premises. How would you feel if a teacher from your child's school took your child somewhere you weren't aware of or expecting? Its not really that different so all IndyB and parents who aren't happy about this in general need is a discussion of how trips outside a comfortable local boundary are handled. Communication is key.

Has everyone gone crazy ?

I think its wonderful your nanny /nannies are ACTUALLY taking your children out on playdates / museums .. doing great activities and getting them used to travelling around London.. either via car or Public Transport.

I understand each to their own.. but really .. Would you prefer them to stick them in front of the TV / iPad at home all day ... just go to the same ol' playground e v e r y d a y .... zzzzzz

I think think those Nannies sound fantastic!

Yes have a chat about your likes / dislikes but its a real shame if you limit social activities purely because of ( small ) travel distances.

I am sure your child had a superb time too

Yes, it would definitely annoy me.
It looks like she had no idea you wouldn't like it though.
I would tell her very nicely that you appreciate her initiative but would like to know in advance where she is taking your child.
Also for me Fulham is further than i would like my nanny to travel with my young child. I would be much more comfortable if it was walking distance.

Hi,
I am a nanny and I have to respond to this post. Your nanny probably doesn't that this annoys you. I'm sure if you discuss it with her she'll be alright with it. There is always way how to make both sides happy ( you can invite the children with their nanny for coffee, call the parents etc). It's all about how you deal with your nanny.
I look after 17mo and 5mo and their parents trust me. They even let me go for playdate to Westfield when is the older at nursery and younger is sleeping they don't mind if I do little clothes shopping. They don't know my nannies friends but they trust me and know that I would never put kids in danger. And yes I agree with one of the mums - we (or me) work 12 hours a day we really need an adult chat during the day and if the children play nicely and are happy with their friends and everyone is happy. And playdates don't happen every day so why not. You leave her with your children you should be able to trust her then. But I agree with you that she should tell you her plan at the beginning of the day or if her plans changed she should let you know. But the easiest way is just tell her.
P x

Personally it wouldn't bother me. I have had a number of nAnnies and take the view that I am at work, I trust her with my children so I have to let her get on with it. For example, plans may change depending on the weather (eg we might discuss them going to the park but if it is raining then not) and I am not there to decide how the mood will go. I also feel that nannies need a bit of adult conversation at some point in the week so I am happy with play dates (as long as children are a similar age).

hOWEVER this is only my way of doing things. Your child is your business and only you can decide what you are comfortable with. If you are not happy then discuss with the nanny. I have. Colleague at work who does not let her nanny of 3 years take her children to anyone else's house! Works for the,.....

It wouldn't annoy me personally, but you are still in the early days of getting to know one another. My nanny is very proactive in organising outings and playdates with her nanny friends and their charges, but generally they are usually local and she doesn't always talk to me about them beforehand. If she wants to go further afield, however, she will normally ask me about it first.

I agree with other posters about talking to your nanny about outings and playdates and discussing them first. The fact that she sent you some photos says to me that she genuinely thought your daughter would enjoy the playdate and I'm guessing that she thought you would be pleased she had taken the initiative.

My nanny and I normally have a quick chat before I leave for work about her plans for the day, so I can ensure there is enough kitty money to pay for an activity and I have a rough idea of what my children will be doing - though plans do sometimes change during the day too.