Santa Claus and presents - dilemna Post Reply

[Seb]

Hi All
I know Xmas has long gone but I wanted to ask this question whilst it's still fresh in my memory.

We've just come back from a lovely few days visiting relatives for Xmas. It was all perfect, almost!

The issue was that they have two very young children (three and six) and they obviously believe in Father Christmas (no surprise there).

However the children believe ALL presents come from Santa so when we have present opening time no one is allowed to give ANY personal presents.

That means the watch I bought my wife was from Santa, the gift I gave my sister was from Santa etc etc.

I don't want to be bah humbug about it but when ours were younger they had Santa presents and non-Santa presents. That meant they could thank Grandparents and relatives for their gifts and typically Santa presents came from us.

I can't help but feel this is the wrong way to do it. I know it's a case of "their house, their rules" but they're coming to us next year and I'm not sure I feel comfortable with this.

It also means they never send ANY thank you cards as there is no one to thank, apart from Santa.

Is this typical? Am I out of touch? Would love to hear if this is normal before I have a gentle word!

thanks and HNY!

[Mrs Contractor Mum]

Ah, relatives. Wonderful things aren't they? I'd go with next year of your house, your traditions. You were polite enough to go along with theirs this year, you should remind them of that next year when they go along with yours.

[Seb]

I know I know!

That's what I think but I don't want to go down in family history as being the person that wrecked Christmas!

[dansk1234dance]

Seb

You are right and they are wrong.

I make a BIG deal out of the fact that my kids have to know who has given their presents to them. Gratefulness and thank you notes are a must. Otherwise I wouldn't blame my friends and family for not wanting to give them presents ever again.

We did it your way this year. Our presents were from Santa but everyone else's were named and cards sent.

Next year it's your house and you're in control. (I have a very controlling older brother who I've finally managed to stand up to, and I can tell you it's worth it on the long run)

[kiwimummy]

We also do a mix of presents from Santa and relatives, as many of our relatives live overseas and definitely appreciate thank you notes. The presents we buy are "Santa" presents, presents from others are named from the giver.

I think a case of your house, your rules, but recommend discussing well in advance of next Christmas so everyone can plan!

[SFMC]

Another way to look at it.. and I didn't not think of this until I read someone posting about this on my Facebook around Xmas was a plea for parents to be modest re. their gifts from "Santa". That not all parents have the money to spend lavishly on presents from "Santa" - so how do you explain to a child why Santa gave one child a bicycle and a playstation and his or her classmate or friend got something much less lavish?!?

That explaining the value of money and gift giving from parents and relatives is easier to explain to a child who believes in Santa than explaining Santa's discrimination to a heart broken child who did not get a bicycle, for example!

Also I think it is good to explain the concept of gift giving at Xmas - it is not just about Santa giving them everything they want.

Food for thought and perhaps a conversation starter for next Xmas with relatives... agree you need to discuss in advance next year.

[broodje]

Our Christmas sock presents are from Santa, and under the tree ones from us and relatives.

[OoloK]

It might just be cultural.

Just to give another view.
In France we don't have the stockings tradition and all presents are from father Christmas (well for what I know anyway and until you are about 6 yo). You don't have to have lots of big presents and that doesn't mean that children are not grateful for their presents.

I actually prefer it that way as it doesn't show any differences in presents received from grandparents or other relatives and we avoid any presents "competition". The "thank yous" are from us, the parents.

I honestly don't think that there is a right or wrong way to deliver presents as one previous poster said (!) just different traditions.

We only do presents from father Christmas but for us Christmas is all about the family and Food!!

You might want to have different rules if you are hosting at your place next year.

[3hotcrossbunnies]

Same as Broodje and Petal here - stockings full of little, useful or fun things are from FC, tree presents from us and relatives. No 'present competition' has developed as relatives generally spend around the same and get the children things they LOVE (eg fancy dress outfits, activity sets, games, footballs, sports kit, barbies etc) and the children don't worry anyway about how much things cost - that's a 'grown up' projection. More distant relatives (my husband's aunts and uncles) tend to send a voucher/gift card of £10. My oldest is nearly 10 so we've had lots of Xmases and no-one has succumbed to one-up-manship yet!
I grew up in a big family so for cost reasons (as well as limiting the amount of wrapping!) we tended to get 1 well-chosen present each from each person rather than a stack.
I, too, think the thank yous are VERY VERY important especially for things received in the post - the gift giver has spent time, thought and money in choosing something, wrapping it etc, the very LEAST the recipient can do is say thank you properly.
Good luck working it out in your family - it can be a mine field but you should stick to what you feel comfortable with and what works for you and your children.

[twomonkeys]

We were staying away with my in-laws this Christmas and they have an 'everything from Santa' thing going on too. As previous posters have described, we do small pressies from Santa in the stocking and thengifts under the tree have gift tags from those family members and godparents who have chosen to give.

My niece was a little confused about why my boys presents weren't all from Santa, but I gently explained that it just happens a little differently in everyone's house. She accepted that very easily, so I don't think you need to conform to your hosts traditions if it is sensitively done.

[dudette]

I have to say (call me Scrooge) I hate the whole Santa thing. We went along with it because everyone does it and obviously did it so well my daughter still firmly believes - aged 10! It's a logistical nightmare as we often go abroad for Xmas. At least having everything from Santa means you don't have to worry about separate wrapping paper - kids pick up on this. A few kids are a bit freaked out by the idea of Santa coming into their house - we once had to phone him to tell him not to come. I don't remember ever believing in him and Christmases were no less magical. I wish we could just drop the whole idea.

[BDB]

Same as some of the posters above... stocking is from Santa (small little presents) and main presents from us / family . For us the added complication is that we spend Christmas abroad (a LONG flight) and therefore Santa would struggle to bring a Bike and a Scooter which is what 2 of my kids asked for !!! So we have a small family Christmas the weekend before with the presents from us and the stockings come abroad ! (by the way I am not British either and we don't have stockings in my country but I have adopted this lovely English tradition as I also don't want my kids at school to be the only ones that don't get stockings from Santa).

Seb to be completely honest I would LOVE my kids to know how much time and thought I spend getting those stocking fillers together... I hope one day when they are older they will remember it !!!

[Cannii]

I have a similar problem with one side of the family saying all presents from Santa and the other side sending gifts. We usually end up in a relative's house for Christmas and we open the wrapped non Santa gifts on Christmas Eve and Santa delivers his during the night. For the first time we had Christmas in our own home and found out that some friends don't get gifts until 6th Jan, others have gifts delivered by baby Jesus and others get theirs on 6th Dec. Confusing! So I'd say your house your rules with a get out clause that Santa has so many children to cover that he has lots of helpers to help out. Oh Santa doesn't do adults. Never did!

[Seb]

Thank you for all your replies, lots of really really helpful advice!

[Seb]

Christmas was at ours this year and we insisted up front on this:

1. Lots of presents from Santa to placate the youngest

2. Other presents from people to placate those that want thank you cards and "credit"

All seemed to work well