Am I Right To Be Miffed About This Lack Of Consideration? Your Opinions Please! Post Reply

[Denwand]

Am I right to feel miffed about this?

A small problem I know but it ruins your week when people can be so breathtakingly inconsiderate – especially when you do them a favour!

Last week I was walking the dog on the Common early in the morning when a young boy (probably about 12 or so) whizzed past me on his bike and, 10 meters on, promptly lost control and bashed into a tree.He was shaken with a grazes to his arm and face (he was wearing a helmet thank goodness) but had gashed his lip which was bleeding profusely onto his t-shirt. 

His mother then appeared with a toddler in a buggy and I offered some wet-wipes and tissues from my bag to mop him up a bit and stop the bleeding.The bike had a buckled wheel and would have to be carried rather than wheeled, since she told me they lived about half a mile away I offered to take the bike home in my car and gave her my mobile number to arrange to pick it up.

Also when we got to the car I remembered I had my son’s clean sports kit in the back and offered his polo shirt to the boy to put on because his t-shirt was muddy and bloodied. (I also asked whether we should call an ambulance but she insisted “He was fine” and he did seem to be so).

A week went by with no call.

Finally the mother phoned to ask if she could pick it up on Saturday – normally a busy day for me so I asked if she could come earlier – say 9.30 am?“No I go running in the morning” came the reply, “Can we make it 11.30?” ... a bit late for me and means most of my Saturday is waiting for her to turn up at her convenience  but since I had nothing arranged I agreed.

11.30 came and went – nobody turned up or phoned – the 12.00 , then 12.15 by which time I phoned her but her phone went to voicemail.Finally she shows up at 12.45, an hour and fifteen minutes late – no apology – thanks me for helping her and son “Thank goodness you were there!” etc and hands me a plastic bag carrying the loaned shirt – damp, filthy , muddy and stinking and obviously unwashed – loads the bike and drives off.

As I said, a 1st world problem but am I right to be miffed at her inconsideration?I was taught that if someone does you a favour you go out of your way to cause then as little inconvenience as possible yet she

1. Insisted on a pickup time that was to her liking allowing her to do what she wanted to
   
2. Then wasted my time by being an hour and fifteen minutes late – no warning or apology
   
3. Returned my son’s top in a disgusting state – she had a whole week to clean it - surely the very least she could do?
   

  My husband asked – “Did she give you a token bunch of flowers/some small chocolates/cheap bottle of wine?” – Fat chance!

Sorry for the essay but would like to know NVNs attitude to this – and just to add she was no sloven, both her and her son well dressed and presented and for all the world like a nice, middle class family!

[Denwand]

Just thought thta my husbands comment about a (very) small gift might seem too grasping...

...I would have been delighted with a small handwritten thank-you note shoved through the letterbox!

[parsleysong]

Yes I'd be pretty miffed too! That is soooooo rude! I'd be on my hands and knees with gratitude if you'd done that for my son and me.

[Vhopeful]

I would be raging also what a rude woman on multiple counts. Unfortunately there’s quite a few people like her out there but also plenty of others who would of realised you went out of your way to be helpful and brought you flowers/chocolates or something & definitely a washed T-shirt!

[chorister]

She was well out of order, but don't worry, you will be well and deservedly rewarded in heaven.  People like you, willing to go the extra mile for others, make the world a better place, so thank you for what you did, even though I was not a beneficiary of your consideration.  And please don't let it put you off helping someone else again.

[parsleysong]

Beautifully put, Chorister.

And she'll get her comeuppances too come judgement day! 

[SW11 Resident]

Something similar happened to me the other day. Whilst out on the Common in the pouring rain walking the dog, I came across an opened school bag with all the clothes contents strewn around (clearly soeome had rummaged through and found nothing of value) and obviously drenched right through. I collected everything up, did a bit of detective work and found out the owner’s name and number as the bag was id’ed, left a message, took everything home, and then dried the clothes out before packing them away neatly in the bag.

The mother then responded and came round to collect, said a perfunctory ‘thank you’ and that she had told her daughter off. Perhaps I am being a bit overly-sensitive but a tad more gratitude would have been nice, just good manners that’s well.

Sadly though, rather than get upset about such things, I fear you just have to accept there are some people out there who perhaps do not have the same values and turn the other cheek.

[firsttimerSW11]

Yes I'd have been miffed too. Some people have no class whatsoever. 
Thank you for being someone who would help my child out if it had been her. If there were more like you, the world might not be the mess it currently is.

[Denwand]

Thank you all for your kind words!

You have made me feel better and that it's "Just not me" who would feel that way!

,,,and Blenkarne - I understand completely - luckily people who help others and are grateful to others when helped are in the majority and the odd ingrate like the ones we bumped into will not put us off!

[Denwand]

ps I admit that I did have one devilish "serve you right" moment against her! 

When she picked the bike up I saw that she was having trouble lifting it into her 4x4...I could have helped her lift it it but instead pretended I didn't notice and shut the front door!

 

[sloaney donkey]

I would have laughed my a**e off when her son had his kartoon moment of crashing

but that is just me. And it would have been a different post had that been the case.

"donkey laughed at my injured son"

Ranks alongside "Freddie star ate my hamster"

[rgreil]

Well done for helping. But life is too short to fixate on such mundane matters. Move on

[Sheds]

When (she) I picked the bike up (I) she saw that (she) I was having trouble lifting it into (her) my 4x4... (I) she could have helped (her) me lift it it but instead pretended (I) she didn't notice and shut the front door! 

Could so easily have been written by the other woman under the same heading?

 

[K1999]

I would have been equally miffed. Good karma doesn’t always come back from those you help, but it will come.

It’s just a shame as she could so easily have shown more gratitude and let’s not get into the time keeping. You are very gracious to have allowed her to dictate the timings. I’m afraid I would have have stuck to my guns and told her when I was available and she could pick which one she could make, and if she was late I would have given her 15-20 mins then gone out. If she’d then complained I’d have explained that I thought she wasn’t coming as no call from her to let me know (although if she’d call to delay I’d have said I have another appointment so can’t wait in).

[Star]

Some people are just rude and entitled.
I lent out a Deuter child carrier to a local mum on Facebook who had asked to borrow one. it was very loved and got great use out of it walking on holidays while carrying a child and cost 300 quid and although my children had outgrown it i wanted it to go to good use and reserved it for my friend who was pregnant and waited for her baby to be birn and to reach the age where it was suitable. Anyway i text the mum and said she could have it for another 6 month's. When I picked it up she literally slammed the door in my face, no thanks or anything. I felt very stupid. She was very well turned out, well spoken, her beautiful as well etc. I could not believe how rude she was as I had offered to pick it up as well . Just goes to show rubbish people come in all forms and never judge a person by their appearance ( not that I ever did). Would reiterate continue being you and pity these soul less ungrateful creatures