is it ok for me to give a 15 year old a beer to have with friends? Post Reply

[HenryHoover]

My eldest teenager, fifteen, has asked if he can have a couple of beers to take out when he meets up with friends. He insists that all of his friends are allowed to do this. I think that this seems incredibly young. I would be happy fo him to have the occasional beer with us as a family but having alcohol with friends at fifteen seems like the start of something that could go very wrong. Am I totally out of date? Do fifteen year olds drink nowadays?

[TFP]

not sure really. you say "a beer" but then "a couple of beers", potentially not the same thing.

also you say 15 year old but not whether he's year 10 or year 11, that's relevant information i think.

i suppose i think that year 10 is an ok time to introduce very small/trace amounts, 'one drink' kind of thing, with year 11 an ok time for 'a couple of drinks'.

overall i'd say that that mid teenage kids these days on average tend to drink a little less than their parents' generation did, but only on average.

but i mean it really depends. in terms of quantities i'd be more careful with say a 5' girl than a 6'5" boy.

[dudette]

I agree with TFP. It depends if he’s in year 10 or year 11. Year 10 does seem a bit young. My son is in year 10 and I wouldn’t give him a couple of beers. We’ve occasionally given him one to have with a meal for a birthday but it was only one. Year 11 I think is a bit different and is the time when they do all seem to start drinking. But if you could hold off until after the summer exams then I think that would be sensible.

[MagnoliaMum]

Some teenagers start drinking earlier, some later. It must be so dull for teenagers stuck in lockdown, so I'm not surprised they might want to add interest to their walks/outdoor meet-ups. My starting point though would be to contact the parents of some of his friends to find out how they feel about it - it's always worth investigating the claim "everyone else is allowed..."! Then you can all be consistent in your approach, whether that is banning or allowing in moderation.

When my elder son at a similar age wanted to throw a small party at our house (pre-covid), we had a frank discussion about alcohol and I came to the conclusion that I would prefer him and his friends to drink beers I'd provided (smallest bottle possible and lowest alcohol) rather than get fake ID and try to buy it themselves from an off-licence, which they seem to manage incredibly easily and were clearly determined to do. And for him to feel he could be honest with me about drinking, so we could keep talking about it and I could keep an eye on how much and what he was drinking. He's now at university and he has turned out very sensible around alcohol, which is a relief. He has said how much he appreciated me listening to him and being willing to compromise at times.

I think it is a good sign that your son feels able to ask you this, so I hope you can find a good solution.

 

[momofthree]

NO. I don't see how giving alcohol to your children can be justified, especially outside the home. By enabling them so young you are basically encouraging and normalising alcohol consumption. Obviously I don't know your family's take or habit with alcohol but this doesn't seem right. It seems you have an open dialogue but exploring alcohol with parent consent but outside the home just doesn't sit well with me personally.

[NoodleFan]

I feel an outright NO will make alcohol seem even more attractive.
Good idea to speak to his friends’ parents. Some in moderation at that age (with dinner at home etc) will hopefully stop them going mad with it at the first opportunity.

[muddyboots]

NO!!
Research now shows that alcohol SERIOUSLY IMPACTS on brain development and young brains are more susceptible to addictive behaviour.
Regardless of what other people allow to wor kids and I imagine all of them say the same to their parents to put pressure.
Some say kids will do it anyway, but I disagree and think parents should not be there handing it out.
Wrong message.

Kids don’t smoke as much as they once didn’t , I wish alcohol would become equally uncool .....

[muddyboots]

NO!!
Research now shows that alcohol SERIOUSLY IMPACTS on brain development and young brains are more susceptible to addictive behaviour. Teenagers should not drink.
Regardless of what other people allow their kids to do and I imagine all of them say the same to their parents to put pressure.
Some say kids will do it anyway, but I disagree and think parents should not be there handing it out.
Wrong message.

Kids don’t smoke as much as they once didn’t , I wish alcohol would become equally uncool .....

[HenryHoover]

Thanks so much everyone for your replies. Thanks for your candid views and I have taken them all on board.
I have contacted parents of his friends today to see what their views are on the subject. I am glad that we are having the conversation as I think driving underground could have dire consequences but I think that I would really like to put off giving beer if possible at least until next year, year 11. That sems like a better watershed moment. Thanks again for replying, much appreciated x

[ceecee12]

Parent to parent at least he has come to ask. The second question goes to say where would he be drinking it and also would it be supervised. Teenagers have house parties ect but do you know exactly who is going to be supervising it! I remember being a teenager and taking a bottle of vodka to a party at 16 and ended up staying to help clean up the mess not even touching the vodka.

It’s down to what your morals are as a parent and how your child is facilitated and supervised during the drinking! Maybe call parents to confirm.

[Feeling old]

Hi,
It is so hard with the eldest and I feel that I am/have been much stricter with my eldest who is now 18 than my youngest who is 15. It is a continuous learning curve. Firstly, I think that it is great that he lets you know what he is up to and asks you - you never want to lose that open communication. One of the best bits of advice I was ever given as a parent is never look surprised or shocked when they tell you something they have done or a friend has done. Secondly, as is the nature of all teenagers if they want to do something they will find a way. All the kids know of the places where they can buy alcohol under age. I also know that they sometimes stand outside places and ask someone else to do it for them. I would rather my child drank one or two weaker beers like peroni than was drinking vodka that they pour into coke bottles and have no idea how big a serving size is. The nature of the teenager is that they will find a way (didn’t we all).

[readysteadycook]

I totally agree Feeling Old.

They will drink one way or another if they want to, controlling what they drink (as they then don't have to spend their limited budget) is the name of the game. 

[cynic]

Personal perspective

My dad did this with me when I was 16.
He knew we would all get alcohol some way, but he later told me he was far happier giving me 6 (six! I only expected 4, that was a masterstroke) cans (of not strong, cleverly selected by him but an acceptable brand) beer for a parties than me sourcing my own.
I think he was only slightly concerned about me getting into trouble buying alcohol underage but he was much more concerned that as an inexperienced drinker I would embibe whatever I could get my hands on should the opportunity arise.
This way he at least knew *what* I was drinking, he said later.

I also realise it made me open up quite a bit to him about our plans and what other friends were doing, so he was able to discreetly monitor (which as a parent now I totally realise was all about safety).
Around same time he let me have a beer at home special occasions which I think was his way of checking how my manner was when drinking.
Once we started going out-out this changed a bit as he knew we would drink more when out.

Much later he said he did this was because he thought I was reasonably sensible teenager, (I was!) so I wouldn’t say this strategy was for everyone.

I would second many posters that it’s great he has asked and a great opportunity to stay in dialogue about all that.
I used to even tell my dad the funny stories of friends drunken escapades and I realise he obviously had his poker face on when not reacting at all.

[MagdaBT]

At 15, he will be drinking illegally if you do as will his friends.  Please explain this to him.  He could be arrested if they are caught  If they want to drink underage they should be under supervision i.e. in someone's house or garden with an adult/adults present.