Mother-in-law keeps inviting themselves on holiday Post Reply

[holiday with MIL]

Hello all
Would welcome some advice.

I have a great relationship with my in-laws. They're fun, we see them socially for dinner every two weeks or so and I think my mother in law sees me as a daughter she didn't have.

However, ever since we got married, they've started to stalk us a bit on holiday and I really need some advice as to how to let them down gently. They don't ask to come with us but if we book a week away they'll suddenly decide it would be fun to come to the same place at the same time and then there is pressure to meet for a meal or a day trip.

I'm really happy to lay down the law, and I'm normally very assertive, but this is an odd situation in that I really really like them. They also seem to be aware that we need space as they'll say things like "we don't want to crowd you so we booked a separate hotel" or "we see each other lots so perhaps just dinner on one night" but I really just want for it to be the two of us.

The situation has come to a head as we're off on a city break with a big group of friends and over dinner my MIL said how mich she loved the city and they should come at the same time.

So this is more about how I can tell them without hurting them? Should I suggest we do a trip just with them and at the same time say that my friends are jealous and if we do this trip they don't come on the next one?

Any tactful help appreciated.

[muddyboots]

Why is this your problem to navigate ?!
Where is your husband in this ?
Hello …??!

Does he wants his mummy to tuck him in ??
This is too much .

Golden rule : in-laws should get dealt with by the child .
You speak to yours and he speaks to his with any issues.

If you bring this up, however nicely, you will be the bad person who is taking them away from their dear son .

They clearly have boundary issues.

It’s great you get along, but this is too much.
Word of warning, don’t let this slide, make sure it’s dealt with or you will regret it if it becomes the norm .

Don’t be a push over or they will walk all over your privacy and boundaries.

[Torcat]

As 'Muddy Boots' says, your husband needs to nip this in the bud. They clearly have boundary issues and this is rather bizarre behaviour. He must deal with this now, honestly, don't make up excuses like your friends are jealous , or whatever. He needs to be honest and clear with them, or they will keep on pushing it. If you don't do this now it will end up causing a problem between you and your husband and heaven help you if and when you have children, they will be in your space all the time! If you genuinely want to, not out of guilt and manipulation, suggest a weekend away the four of you at another stage. Only if you really want to do it though. It's pretty common for a son to have to set boundaries with his mother, my husband has to do it with my MIL, who we also very much love, but who wants to come and stay with us for weeks at a time. Don't you do it!

[Tbirdklm]

I can’t help but think there is a very easy solution… don’t tell them your holiday plans in advance. After a few “impromptu/ romantic surprise/ last minute deal/ secret adventure/ just needed to get away from it all” trips your in-laws will clue in that you like to holiday alone.

But if funds and time permit, a separate planned annual trip with them might become a valued family tradition. Knowing what to expect from the outset is much nicer than getting an unexpected “surprise”.