How Do You Manage Elderly Parent Care as a Couple? Post Reply

[Parental Help]

Thanks everyone.

I think the main takeaways are that although all families are different it's not as common for spouses to help out on a regular basis with in-laws care, emergencies outside. I also like the comment about not trying to change her view.

Thank you everyone.

[NewtoNV]

I actually disagree with the majority of posts on here. I think life pulls us in all sorts of directions, and as a couple you can work together to jointly support the areas of life that need it (and I would include parents and parents in law as being part of that life). It sounds like you are struggling and need help supporting your family so think you should have an honest discussion with your wife and see where you as a couple can jointly flex your other obligations to be able to support your parents jointly. For example - skip the play date, sports event or dinner party for a bit. By not doing this there could be unintended consequences that impact both of you in other ways (e.g. you get unduly stressed; you don’t perform at work and so miss your targets/bonus…etc). My husband and I work extremely long hours, and full time, and there are always compromises we both have to make to make it work and also support our wider family (sometimes he is more busy than me and sometimes vice versa). In addition; I can imagine it is really upsetting seeing your parents health deteriorate as well as causing the time challenges you mention, so definitely worth the conversation and support to ensure she understands your needs and you work out a solution together.

[SW11Princessof Wales]

I view my DH and myself as a team. 
I help with his surviving elderly parent, sometimes more than his sister but it's because of how I view my DH and our marriage.
Parent once had a discussion with my DH pondering whether I loved parent more than parent's own daughter does. 

I note an earlier comment asking in the OP will do same for his wife. 
In my view fairness, equity or equality isn't sameness and seeking for sameness isn't usually the best for the team and even the individuals that make it up.
My DH does and gives of himself in certain ways that I won't take easily to or isn't best for our team and I give of myself or do other things in ways that is best for our team. 

[SW11Princessof Wales]

I view my DH and myself as a team. 
I help with his surviving elderly parent, sometimes more than his sister but it's because of how I view my DH and our marriage.
Parent once had a discussion with my DH pondering whether I loved parent more than parent's own daughter does. 

I note an earlier comment asking in the OP will do same for his wife. 
In my view fairness, equity or equality isn't sameness and seeking for sameness isn't usually the best for the team and even the individuals that make it up.
My DH does and gives of himself in certain ways that I won't take easily to or isn't best for our team and I give of myself or do other things in ways that is best for our team.