Nanny watch! Post Reply

[Mumstwo]

Dear mums,

I am writing this post as I feel it is my duty after what I saw today.

I was in the park by the Windmill pub on Clapham common today. I was standing near to my daughter as she climbed the toddler climbing frame. I stopped her as she came face to face with a little boy on the rope bridge who had his foot badly caught and was very distressed. Another lady standing with her grandson came to help me as we lifted the little boy to support his weight, took off his shoe, freed him and put his shoe back on. No sign of carer, the little boy still very upset. Eventually a nanny came strolling over and I harshly told her what had happened, she looked sheepish and went away. I then watched her for another 15-20 minutes whilst she sat on a bench talking to her friend totally oblivious to the little boys whereabouts.

She left him to climb the climbing frame totally alone and had her back to him as he ran around the park and played in the sand pit. In my opinion just too dangerous.

In the end I was so mad I went over and told her that she should be taking more notice of him! She didn't respond too much but after a while her friend came over to tell me it was none of my business to which I replied ' it became my business when I free his foot from the climbing frame!'

From what I gather his name was Charlie and was about 2yrs old. He was wearing a blue and yellow coat and Clarkes trainer shoes. He had a graze on his nose. The nanny was young, dark hair and pale skin and she was wearing a black skirt, opaque tights, flat black shoes and had an ankle bracelet on.

I have had a nanny myself and I would have wanted to know information like this so I hope it doesn't cause the mother any upset, I am just watching out for other babies and mothers.

[harriedmum]

I would also want to know if this was my child, so good for you for posting.

Sadly this is all to common and not just with nannies, some mothers are too busy chatting to watch their children. I have lost count of the number of other people's children I have caught falling off a climbing frame. I totally get it if they are attending to another child but very often it's their phone taking their attention.

Hope the mother of the child sees this. How rude of the friend, like they couldn't stand and chat near the toddler and help him when required. How lazy!

[emmakl]

Good for you for posting this and also for stepping in and talking to the Nanny.

A Mummy of three myself, and having run my own Nanny recruitment agency in the past, I too am horrified from time to time when I see little people being totally ignored by their Nannies. A few years ago I was in Battersea Park with my youngest two and we spotted a little boy who had his hand caught in the top of the fence round the lake. He wasn't crying, just standing there looking very upset and watching his Nanny as she walked on, pushing the buggy while reading her paper and totally oblivious to the fact that he wasn't with her. There are gaps in the fencing round that part of the lake, so one would have thought it would be an idea to keep a close eye on him .. but clearly not! I let my daughter, a similar age, go over to him first to say hello, and then I went and helped him get his hand out. I asked him if the lady with the buggy was his Mummy or his Nanny and he said 'Mummy's at work'. He really didn't want to go back to her, and she still hadn't noticed we were with him so we chattered for a few minutes and then I shouted 'Excuse me!' as she was about to go round the corner at the far end of the lake!! She looked round, and started walking slowly back to us .. honestly, he could have been under my arm and out of the park in a minute yet she didn't seem at all concerned!

I was fuming .. but rather than launch into her I bit my tongue and explained he had had his hand caught which was why we had stopped to talk to him ... and what a super little chap he was etc. I then said that I was looking for a Nanny and wondered if she could recommend the agency she got her job through .. which she did. I asked for her name so I could tell them who referred me and again, she gave it to me .. and it was only then that I absolutely lost it and got very cross indeed!! Calmly cross as I didn't want to upset the children, but I pointed out that he had been in pain - still had a red mark on his arm - scared, and yes, neglected .. he could have fallen into the water or been taken away ... she was clearly upset - especially when I said that I would be getting onto the Agency and asking them to let her employers know. I suggested that it would be in her best interests to make sure she paid much more attention to her charge ...

And yes, when I got home I rang the Agency. I gave the name of the Nanny and said that I had met her in the park and she had said she was looking for babysitting work so I would be grateful if they could pass my contact details on to her employer .. which they did - and I then explained direct to the Mother what had happened. Yes, rather cloak and dagger but I felt the only way to be sure I got hold of the Parents direct.

I don't know the outcome .. of course thats none of my business, but I have to say that the Child's mother went through it all in great detail with me and then rang me back later in the day when she was with her husband so that he could also hear the account first hand. I hope they got onto the Agency - she said they would, regardless of what their decision was, she too wanted to make sure the Agency had this incident on their records ...

I wouldn't hesitate to do the same thing again. And I hope that anyone else would too .. if you do confront a Nanny, don't be put off if you do have an angry reaction .. but if you can calmly get as many details as you can it could help further ...

x

[shellbell83]

How do u know it was a nanny ?

[emmakl]

(i dont mean so you could be sneaky and then go to the parents afterwards either)

Speechless!!! Well, almost!
Can any other Mother's out there tell me if they WOULDN'T want to know?!!

If I'm sneaky, I'm proud to be! Rather be 'sneaky' than turn a blind eye and have a family have to live with the possible consequences ....

I do agree with some of what you say, but when the OP was faced with a child in that level of distress and with his foot so badly caught up .. well, helicopter or not, the Nanny SHOULD have been paying attention! It is possible to talk and watch a child .. I do it every day with my three ... and yes, we all have bad days, but as a Nanny or parent, you put things to one side and prioritize when you are in sole charge of a young child. They are just to precious not to... And more so when they are not yours.

And before you ask, yes, I have been on all sides of the equation ... Mother, Recruiter AND Nanny ...

[Mumstwo]

Absolutely, I think the recent case of April Jones makes my initial post more relevant. Clapham is a beautiful, family friendly area which can lull you into a false sense of security, this is London, one of the worlds most densely populated cities and you cannot afford let your children out of your sight.

I understand the nannies and parents have their own lives but the responsibility of your job as nanny and parent is immense. I also get that the park is incredibly dull sometimes, I can't say I love walking around the climbing frame 20 times every day watching my daughter, but I do it to make her happy. At my work I don't stop and chat, I work solidly all day, I don't discuss my private life, text or email my friends but if I did I would certainly be told I was no good at my job. As a nanny you can do those things (i do as a mother) but you need to ensure the children are 100% safe at all times.

I agree that I could have been nicer to the nanny in question when I approached her, but I am not a confrontational person and I wouldn't have done it unless I had the fire of my anger and adrenalin to give me the push! I think I did the right thing.

[emmakl]

I think I did the right thing

I think you did too! Please don't ever not step in .... If any caring parent is concerned about a situation, then that situation warrants intervention IMO

xx

[Mumstwo]

Thank you for your support

[MrsNanny]

Articles like this are very sad to read.

As a nanny of 10 years I hate to hear about parents feeling that a nanny only 'sits around on there phone' there have been many a times I have helped a child up if fallen over and given them a cuddle until a parent has come over, stopped a child from running in a road, helped a child who was lost in a soft play - and safely brought the child back to the parent whilst sitting with other mothers (whilst caring for too children that i nanny for) who I would never judge, just try to help as know how hard it is to have eyes in the back of your head at all times.

As a nanny i try hard to change the views that nannies just sit down and chat when out as this is not the case, and found nappy valley a lovely area to work in as lovely nannies and parents. many parents have helped me in the past, after all it is nearly impossible to be able to spot every incident if caring for two children, you just try your very best.

Although i cannot talk for every single nanny, there are amazing nannies who really do work hard and care for children in the best possible way. I feel this type of brief encounters were the nanny is described in such a scary way very freighting for parents, especially parents returning to work for the first time and thinking about choosing a nanny.

i often have parents coming over and saying how much fun/ care i look like im having with the children in my care when they realise i am a nanny and not the children's parent. i have had many of the parents i work friends, tell how much care is give when they have seen me out, and i don't know the friends. its a real compliment,as after all our job is to provide a safe, stimulating and loving environment for the children in our care. Its sad that parents don't see posts like this, just as someone else describe a 'witch hunt' and describe nanny's in general like this. The title itself is upsetting - I don't watch parents!

I really do hope the child is safe and cared for and hope this was a 'one off' due to a reason you and I don't know about, and of course I can understand your worry as the way you have described the incident it is very unprofessional.

I can't imagine how scared the mother of the child would be reading that initial post.

[Mumstwo]

I asked her 'are you responsible for this child?' and she said 'yes, I'm his nanny'.

I could have picked that boy up, put him in my pram, told him we were going to find his nanny and abducted him. Fact. Alone or not being watched, same thing.

I am not starting a nanny witch hunt, I had an amazing nanny who is now my friend. She was visibly upset when she last visited and my daughter didn't recognise her , most nannies are amazing and I have complimented and taken advice from many nannies.

But, as a parent, you never know what is happening when you are at work unless someone tells you. I thought long and hard about posting my initial post as i didnt want to frighten the parent but nothing happened this time and next time it might.

Also, I gave this nanny the benefit of the doubt first time round then she continued not to watch him, that's when I intervened. It was half an hour at least of not watching him at all. She had her back to him, sitting on a bench paying no attention at all. Not good enough!

[GES77]

I don't normally get involved in these debates as they tend to go round and round in endless circles.

However, what I will say is that I reported a strange man to the police a fortnight ago because he was sitting, alone (i.e. without a charge), on a bench IN the playground on Wandsworth Common, engaging in conversation with the children in the playground. My nanny (whilst distracted, looking after two of my other children) noticed him and took my eldest child away from the man. The man then became abusive to my nanny.

The point of me recounting this tale is that we do live in a bubble of perceived safety. But it is NOT always safe and therefore any adult in charge of children needs to be watching the children NOT texting on their phone.

I would be furious if I was the mother of the young boy in the OP.

[shocked]

Dear ktpearce,

Many thanks for doing what you did and by posting it here. It is thanks to people like you that tragedies are avoided. It is not only our business to look out for people that cannot defend for themselves, especially children, but our responsibility. If necessary, in extreme cases, it is our responsibility to phone social services, regardless of whether the person in charge is the mum, the dad, or the nanny.

The fact that the friend said it was none of your business shows what type of person she is.

In our jobs we have our clients and colleagues to give feedback about us and our bosses remunerate us accordingly. In the case of a nanny, the only feed back she gets is ours as small children cannot give it. There is no reason why they should be above everyone else and their work should not be checked and fed back to their employer.

I hope the mum sees this post.

All the best and well done.

[Jennie_fab]

I am replying to this thread from a Nanny's perspective. I am prob midway between helicopter nanny and encouraging independence nanny.

When out and about with my charges I keep at least one eye on them all the time. I do chat to other nannies and mums and I do check my phone from time to time. Again like previous poster stated this is usually work related ie making play dates, checking school messages or sending photos to Mum at work etc.

I have seen parents/nannies/au pairs seemingly being more neglectful than I would be but unless I saw them doing something very upsetting I would be wary about drawing attention to them as I'm aware that I'm only witnessing 5-10 minutes of an often 11-12 hour day and I don't know all the facts. I am however aware that there are many children abused or left in distressing situations because an adult hasn't been responsible enough to do something about what they have seen.

I guess it's a fine line between people looking after children differently from how we would and actual neglect.

It is good that the original poster made this thread as from what she has said it seems the 'nanny' really wasn't being attentive but I would caution parents not to jump to conclusions and and judge others based on a small glimpse at their day.

[MrsNanny]

30 minutes unattended - that is so shocking, and so scary. I completely agree that this in unacceptable and completely unprofessional.

I just feel sad for the poor boy, if I was there I would have given him a big cuddle!

[Loretta]

Well done on doing this, I agree that all the parents should know that.

But, everytime, there is a post like this, it's like a fight between nannies and mums ... No nanny is perfect but trust me, how many times I have helped kids trapped, stuck in a playground or in a playgroup because their mums were busy on the phones or chatting up with friends. No one is perfect.