should I go to an old friend's flashy wedding? Post Reply

[coffee cake]

What to do?

An old friend is getting married in the early Autumn and my husband and I have been invited.
My problem is that I am not sure if I want to go. She was someone that I was close to a long time ago when we were starting our careers in the City.  She's gone on to conquer the world, I've done the family thing and inevitably I guess we have drifted apart. I always drop her a line on her birthday and Xmas but to be honest it has been a couple of years since I saw her and met her now fiancee and to be honest it was a slightly awkward evening. They booked an overly expensive restaurant, ordered very expensive champagne and wine etc. and the conversation was quite one sided in favour of them and their lives. 

On one hand I feel pleased to have been included in her day, on the other hand it's going to be a flashy and expensive affair at a private pile on the coast and from what I can tell we aren't going to know any people other than the bride and groom.

In full disclosure I am aware that some of my not wanting to go is driven by jealousy.  Just not sure if I should go along  and be happy for my once great friend or make my excuses, wish them well and accept that it might be the start of the end of a friendship.

Not really sure what to do but I obviously need to reply sooner rather than later.

Appreciate that it isn't an every day problem but if anyone has been faced with similar I would love to hear what you did. Thanks.

[2009Kat]

Assuming you still actually like the bride, I would go. It might be a super fun wedding and as long as you’re happy to chat to new people you will enjoy it!

Tbh I had a few friends like this. I went into small child vortex, they bought villas in Ibiza. They talked a lot about their exciting life and I probably let them because my life was so ‘bori g’. Thanks They also had serious issues behind the scenes. Literally far worse than my boring life!

Now we’ve gone though all that and have a lovely place of meeting up every few months having a great time and a weekend away most years.

I guess my point is friendships wax and wane a bit but if you see her as a genuine friend that you like then I would go. She wouldn’t have invited you if not part of her life.

But obvs it’s up to you and you shouldn’t go if you would feel in any way awkwardly. Good luck!

[addled]

The fact that you're asking the opinion of total strangers as to whether or not you should attend the wedding of someone you haven't seen in 2 years and were uncomfortable with at that last meeting should tell you all you need to know: she's not a genuine friend.
Save yourself from what would be a horror of a day. Covid gives you the perfect excuse; "We would love to come but we've already rebooked our holiday 3 times and the insurance won't cover us if we change the dates again" then send them a really nice bottle of Krug champagne as a present.

[Scientist]

My amateur observations on friendships/ageing/life would suggest that if your original friendship with this person was facilitated by circumstances and possibly injured by her career trajectory, financial abundance and choice of partner, maybe you should leave it. But if you built your friendship on solid foundations, you may find that once the tendency of successful careerists towards youthful arrogance and flashiness have given way to what really matters in life, you might have something of value which should be kept alive. In which case go to the wedding, absorb their hospitality, bask in their glitter and be there for each other in the future. 

[dudette]

She obviously values your friendship or she wouldn’t have invited you. Weddings are a great way to edit out friends you’ve grown apart from but you made the cut. There’s no need to be jealous. You chose a different life but it’s not one of lesser value. She may really envy your family life. Two years isn’t a long time not to see someone. I didn’t see my best friend from Uni for about four or five years but then we just reconnected a couple of years ago and carried on. I’ve lost friends along the way that I really regret not keeping in touch with so my advice is to go. If you really hate it then you can draw a line under the friendship but you never know - you might have a great time.