How many friends does your husband have and are they all from work? Post Reply

[HusbandFriends]

Hello,
Throwaway account for obvious reasons.

Can I anonymously ask how many friends does your husband have and are they mostly work related?

I've noticed over the last few years that the number of friends my husband has has been falling away. He's not falling out with anyone just not making the effort anymore. Those friends he does have tend to be mainly work colleagues.

I'm asking because there has been quite a few reports in the media about this, and how it can effect men's mental health, but mainly because of an incident last year.

A good friend and her husband got divorced. This coincided, or perhaps was a result, of him selling his business. It suddently struck me that this man had appeared to have lots of friends whom we went skiing with as a family, hosted bbqs and the like and then when they split he moved up north and no one sees him anymore.

I can understand the wives not seeing him, we've "sided" with his ex-wife, but all the men he used to hang out with he doesn't see either. This was explained to me by my husband that they weren't really his mates, he was only there because he was his wife's husband. For some reason I found it disturbing that this popular man had reinvented himself in another county and didn't see anyone now who he used to see all the time five years or so ago.

My husband went on to explain that most of the men he knows, and we're the same, their social life is dictated by their wives so they tend to see the husband of their wive's friends or work colleagues and that's it.

I'm sure I'm over thinking this but would anyone disagree with this and is it a problem?

Long post, sorry.

[BGG]

My husband has a ton of friends (more than me!) but he says a lot of his male friends don’t really have any other friends and he thinks that’s a problem. I’m not sure if men need friends in quite the same way women do so how much of a problem it is I don’t know. Women bond by sharing their problems but men do it by taking the mickey out of each other. I think they find it very hard to let their guard down and so friends are maybe not as necessary for men as they are for women. I’m just theorising here - hopefully someone will prove me wrong!

[Cari]

My husband has only two true friends - both from high school. He sees his college friends perhaps once a year/every 18 months and it’s only because they reach out to him. But he absolutely loves going out and piggy backs off me and my close friends & their partners so we still have a very busy social life. It actually really annoys me as I think he’s lazy for not (i) maintaining and fostering relationships and (ii) never organising anything himself. It has been a point of contention in our relationship but I don’t think he’ll change unfortunately. I’ve just learnt to accept it.

[Gosh]

Firstly i would stop worrying about someone else's husband or marriage, if you don't know that says it could be anything.

In my own experience many men have a couple of firm friends over the years. Otherwise colleagues.
Also their friendships are different to women, less involving.

Some do they like groups which is a younger mentality or just very extrovert so its more superficial. Some people dislike group socialising, or any clique or oneupmanship or exclusive stuff.
Each relationship is individual in its dynamic as to who is the more sociable and who is less so. It can be an issue clearly if one person is not sociable at all.

Compare and despair i think the saying goes! Are you worried he will divorce you?
Ask him about his friends, hope all is well.

[Gosh]

Ps there is a huge long list of possible reasons why a person might not socialise or keep up with friends, aside from geography which can affect it. Boring job, depression, understimulated , difficulty fitting in, money worries (expensive beer! Lol)

[HusbandFriends]

Thank you for the replies.

I've obviously got a bee in my bonnet about this, I think what really upset me was this person who'd I have said was a good friend in our group and now no-one sees him, no one. I know the divorce will explain the female contingent but all these men friends of his have just ceased contact. Not because they don't want to, just no one seems that bothered.

Anyway I'll try to relax a little more over it.

Thanks again.