How do I help my husband? Post Reply

[tina1071]

Hello

I am new to this area and have come across this website and I would be very grateful for any advice you could give me.

I have been married for five years and we have one child. We are trying for our second. My husband is a wonderful man and I love him very much. However he has always had an 'air of depression' about him... He has quite an anxious personality and worries about things a lot, health, money, etc... We communicate really well and he is someone who does express how he is feeling but he never seems truly happy in himself.

He has always been a fitness fanatic but lately has been dogged by one injury after another. This has made him quite 'obsessive' about his health and the slightest twinge, ache or pain really sets him off into this cycle of anxiety, trips to physio's, doctors etc and he just can't seem to cope and I have noticed he is not sleeping very well and it's all getting him down. It's also starting to affect his work...

I am ashamed to say that I sometimes find his constant worrying irritating and it's got to the point where I just don't want to hear about it anymore.... I just want him to be happy. I know we all can't be happy all the time but my husband always seems to have something bothering him and it is starting to drain me a bit and get me down too. Our home is ahappy one and our little girl is thriving at school. My husband had a more repressed upbringing and we were determined it would be different for our child but surely she is going to pick up on any tension between us.

I don't want to label him a 'whinger' as I know he genuinely doesn't want to feel this way but I am starting to lose my patience with it all. I have suggested counselling but he doesn't seem to want to pursue it and the constant moping is getting me down big time.

I really don't know what to do and it would be great to hear from others who have been or are in a similar situation. Is there anyone you would recommend in this area who is particularly good at dealing with men and is there a different strategy I could adapt while trying to deal with my husband and his constant worries? Are there any therapies we could look into?

We have a great marriage in every other way and this is the only cloud on the horizon for us.... Always something isn't there....

I would so appreciate any advice thank you.

[supergirl]

Hi there

I am sorry i dont have any helpful advice (my husband is the opposite, never ever goes to the doctor ) but i didnt want to read and leave (and your post will be top of the list).

I am sure someone will have good advice very soon, this site is great.
In the meantime, carry on keeping your mouth shut (at least for your daughter's sake) and look after yourself in order to keep your sanity and patience levels up.

Good luck. Sx

[Ann Collin]

Hi Tina,

To put it simply and normalise depression it is quite common. In my experience of people with depression they often get depressed because the self-affirmations or belief sets they have about themselves are negative therefore the coping strategies they use to protect that eventually end up not working. It is as this point things go downhill.

However depression today is used for a caveat of lots of different things. Anti-depressants are often prescribed which help calm a person down, but become redundant if the person does not deal with the root cause through therapy.

So in order to help your husband he has to firstly recognise that he has a problem and secondly that he wants to do something about it. From what you have shared, my suggestion would be for him to have cognitive behavioural therapy as this deals with the depression and is psychoeducational which allows your husband to have the tools to deal with situations if they crop up again in the future. EMDR is also helpful though again this would depend on what issues your husband is dealing with.

I hope this provides you with some help, if you need further advice please do not hesitate to ask.

Kind Regards

Ann