21 year old asked out by a 52 year old. Surely not on? Post Reply

[rainbow sprinkles]

I am a regular on this site but thought best to post under a different name for this situation.

Not sure if there is anything to be done here but I do feel something isn't right.
My 21 year old daughter has been volunteering locally since lockdown. Last weekend a 52 year old man who also volunteers regularly asked her to go out on a date with him.
She is absolutely of consenting age but 31 years his junior? She is hugely embarrassed by the whole thing but thankfully said no. Surely this is not on?

[HenryHoover]

I don't think it is on at all. That is a big age difference for any age bracket but for a 21 year old that is too much. Is there anyone that you can talk to in confidence where she volunteers? 

[Starr]

Unfortunately at this age and up to mid 20s is peak for strange and inappropriate propositions from creepy older men . If it has made your daughter very uncomfortable volunteering I would have a word definitely. Not on.

[muddyboots]

It’s definitely not on and given he can’t take a no I think it’s best she stops going there.

When I was really young, under 20, I was approached by an older man in the street who asked me out.
I was mortified. I said no and carried on walking, he followed me and started having a go at me to and to give him a chance. Total lunatic.

My point it, he might be a deluded older man or he could actually be one of those men who can’t take a no and get ugly.

If she’s uncomfortable and he’s not stopped it’s best to avoid the situation all together.

It’s wrong that a young woman can’t even volunteer without unwanted hassle, but sadly it seem women still have to alter their behaviour because of men.

He’s not doing anything illegal by asking her out but morally he is in my book.

[Bunnypigeon1]

Agree it’s out of order and weird but not sure I understand the comments suggesting the OP intervenes directly - surely at 21 you are old enough to handle these sorts of situations without your parents jumping in?

[Nutcaseuk]

Difficult one to answer given legends like Mick Jagger and the huge age gaps these days !! My ex was early 40’s dating a man in his 70’s!! Or is it just 21 is too young ??
More importantly, can you clarify if he “volunteers regularly” or “regularly asks” your daughter out ?? If it’s the latter, then it’s harassment and he should be stopped by the organisation immediately, and asked to leave !! She shouldn’t have to do anything !! If he persists and is in fact a weirdo, then call the police !!!
If he’s asked just the once, and she’s said “no” then that should be the end of it !!
Need to make sure you put commas in the right place !!

[Hampstead girl]

The age difference might bother and we might not understand it but at the end of the day they are both consenting adults so who are we to judge?

That said , personally I would have a problem if his behaviour starts to change after she declined the date. Is being inappropriate since then?

[Scottov]

Of course it’s a bit uncomfortable and it obviously wasn’t a welcome approach as your daughter said no.

There is nothing illegal but it’s inappropriate because quite frankly why doesn’t he feel comfortable with an adult of his own age?

[Kirstie’s Mom]

I think it’s creepy but thankfully your daughter said no . That hopefully is the end of it .

[SWtastic]

Is it any different from a 49 year old actress dating a 24 year old man - as detailed in the news?  I think possibly there are double standards at work in this area.

[MrBalham99]

I am 54. During lockdown, I was asked out by a 31 yr old, and a long relationship ensued. 

That gap was big, but disappeared after a few weeks.

21 "feels" very different to me, without being able to provide logic as to why. I think it is to do with life stages..21 is at university or just after. 31 was 10 years into a career and adulthood. She did the right thing.

[Bunnyboots]

I think you are over-reacting. All he has done is chance his arm and been rebuffed. You don’t suggest he has been continually pestering her or acting in a creepy way. I was asked out by a man in his late 60s when I was 30. I politely declined and laughed it off. It’s flattering to be asked out by anyone at all.
When we get older we still feel young inside it’s just our exteriors that let us down! Maybe this man honestly thought she was interested in him, or maybe he just had a big ego. But provided he lets the matter drop I don’t see what harm he has done.
I don’t think there is anything here for you to worry about. After all, If you don’t ask you don’t get!

[Beancounter]

One brother-in-law has a Russian wife 30 years younger than himself, who is feeling the strain of her husband getting more and more resentful and bad-tempered about his age.  She's a lovely woman.  If I was her I'd up and off. 

Another brother-in-law has a girlfriend 40 years younger than himself, a friend of his daughter who now won't speak to him.  She's an idle piece and I've pointed out that when he eventually retires (he's 71) she'll be breadwinner.  

I feel ancient at family gatherings.  Just wondering when my old man - 75 and just about to acquire his 10th grandchild - is going to find himself a 20 year-old.  Good luck to them, I say............

Your daughter can just say no.  Or ask him about his prostate.

[Londontownlady]

Luckily she said no! I appreciate it must be difficult to hear about your daughter having these persistent unwanted advances .. maybe you could volunteer too and assess the situation if he carries on? But more importantly I’d ask your daughter what support she needs, she might be ok with it and just wanted to flag. It’s good of her to have told you, I’ve had my fair share of unwanted attention but never told my mum so not cause her worry.
Someone mentioned consenting adults in an earlier msg however forgetting that the lady said ‘no’ after regularly being asked out by this man. No idea why some people don’t understand that ‘no’ means ‘no’ .. (regardless of age & gender)! I feel second hand embarrassment for the guy in question here.

[Bunnyboots]

londontownlady

Your response is way over the top. Nowhere does the original poster say this poor beleaguered man asked the 21 year old out more than once. Maybe he did take no for an answer! This is how people end up at the hands of vigilantes, one person after another exaggerating the story. It is so trivial I have no idea why the poster even bothered posting it but for goodness sake give the poor man a break!