How do you keep your children grounded? Post Reply

[muddyboots]

I often talk about the cost of things and relative value with my children.
Even if I can afford things, I make a point to tell them why I don’t think something is good value.

If they ask for treats, they get one of I will maybe mention how I don’t want to waste money on xyz.

Not in a negative way, but to have an awareness of value.

Then gratitude is really important. To make children appreciate good experiences and not take things for granted.

Also, to help around the house and not be oblivious to how the world is not the same for everyone.

If like to put value on time and money and make a reference to the hour it takes our cleaner to earn her rate if they want to spend waste money on something very silly.

Finally, take them to a soup kitchen to volunteer if you feel they need a contrast form their own bubble.
Or take them to less affluent areas of London for a contrast and reality check.

[joetaylor]

I've stopped flying and no longer own a car amongst other things. I've done these things in the hope of giving my children (and all children) a future on a liveable planet, but perhaps a happy side effect is making them a little more grounded and conscious of their impact, despite being privileged in other ways. (It also means I don't have to car pool the kids to parties, but I'm very grateful to the other parents who do.)

[ACA]

Respectfully, I disagree with this. Saying that a child is lucky and making them aware of the fact that there are children who may not have what they have (or some who may have more!) creates a sensitivity towards others that pure ignorance does not. Not making children aware that they may have what some don’t isn’t reinforcing privilege, but creating an awareness that they can’t just go out into the world and expect others to have what they have. That’s how you get a situation where a child would say “oh you don’t have a bike - why not?”. That sort of comment is hurtful even if it’s only said because the child in question doesn’t know.
I grew up in a country with extreme poverty and my parents made me hyper aware of how fortunate I was and how easily our fortune could change (even though we were not wealthy in the slightest - just not living on the streets) , and that I need to be sensitive towards others’ situation. That didn’t in any way other me - I grew up playing with children living in townships and we played together, went to school together and grew up together as equals, whilst understanding the sensitivities of our relative situations.

[Carol2R]

So many thoughtful replies here.  Just a caveat about the hard work and luck messages.  It's important that kids not think that there's an automatic connection between hard work and being well off; there are many, many people who work hard but are not well off.  There is always an element of luck involved.

[Littleblessings]

ACA and Carol2R - totally agree.

The earlier poster saying...

"If like to put value on time and money and make a reference to the hour it takes our cleaner to earn her rate if they want to spend waste money on something very silly.

Finally, take them to a soup kitchen to volunteer if you feel they need a contrast form their own bubble.
Or take them to less affluent areas of London for a contrast and reality check."

I'm really sorry but it sounds incredibly patronising and a very privileged behaviour. Like Victorian aristocracy taking their kids to show them the London docks to show how the poor live... Poverty is not only a material thing. Perhaps these poor children in poor areas are much more grounded and happier than yours. A lot of assumptions there. So by showing your kids how children in worse areas of London live, perhaps you can only show how they dress but not how they really live? The richness or community closeness they experience every day?

And perhaps you should be paying your cleaner a bit more? How awful to use her hourly rate to demonstrate to your kids the value of things and how much they have. I hope she will never come to know this. How demeaning

[Humbkekids]

Thank you to everyone who replied.

Some really interesting ideas here and I'm delighted that we're not the only ones who worry about keeping the children grounded.

I also liked the reference in Annabel's weekly email about not grounding them to prevent electric shock.

Thanks again.