Teen behaviour. Help. Post Reply

[Rashieda]

My Teenage daughter keeps locking her bedroom door as she doesn’t like me coming in her room. Even when she goes to school or when she goes out she locks her door.

She also does not eat anything I cook even it’s something she's asked me to cook for her.
She also plays her music so load that it is very disruptive but calls me annoying when I ask her to lower the volume.

I know that this is probably just teenage life but I find it very disrespectful and hurtful. What do I do?

[AbbMum23]

I would suggest going on a trip with her, your husband and no other siblings. Maybe Cornwall or some other distant destination for a three day weekend. Put her in the front seat. This will help you reconnect with her and she may open up. I had a friend who’s parents did this with her years ago and it helped her snap out of it.

[NoodleFan]

How old is she? I’ve heard that 14-15 is a tricky age for girls but after that they start coming back to you.

Not sure if it’ll let me post this link but it’s a lovely piece describing how teenagers think - made me well up…

https://grownandflown.com/letter-from-t ... FmL_rTX_4M

If the link doesn’t work, look for “Dear Mom and Dad, Please Stick With Me” - it’s really lovely.

Best of luck

[Scientist]

This doesn't directly address the issues you describe, but the course of action taken by an acquaintance of mine was too good not to share - and may possibly help in some way.

His teenage daughter was regularly slamming shut her bedroom door in a temper and also being very rude to his wife. One day while she was at school, he took the door off its hinges, hid the brackets and screws, then put the door in the garage. His daughter was furious, but he explained that if and when she made an effort to change her behaviour for the better, he would reinstall the door.

Of course, there was much discussion and chat and it took a few days, but apparently worked a treat. All has been well since. 

[NoodleFan]

Brilliant - I’m storing that one away for the future

[AlisonW]

I'm sorry to hear you're going through a tricky time with your teen and thought all the answers posted are helpful. The most important thing is to keep talking to her and try and find the reasons for her behaviour. It could just be "teenagedom" but there could be something bigger going on. However difficult she is being, you are still her parent and the adult in the room. There are loads of advice books out there so I won't repeat their ideas here but would highly recommend Teenagers Translated and Understanding the Teenage Brain.
All teens need privacy but locking her room combined with not eating could be signifiers of something more worrying so I would really advise you to talk to her calmly in a neutral space, asking her why she seems to feel the way she does and explain why some of that might not be ok. Be as calm as possible and keep that lovely letter in mind from the previous poster. Good luck!

[Lizzie]

I agree with the last poster that locked door plus no eating could just possibly be a sign of a more serious problem than just annoying teenager hood. Talking is key but this is not always easy. I would suggest doing an activity with her such as getting a pedicure or go weekend break as someone suggested. Best to talk without eye contact so sitting side by side could work. Use open questions and try to talk to her about something unrelated to the issues first to get her relaxed. Good luck, I know it’s not easy!